To calm the chaos, the nervous system needs steadiness.
It needs predictability.
It needs someone who stays the same, like there is a tomorrow.
Someone who is not conditionally there.
Someone who does not leave because it becomes too difficult to stay with you.
Someone who understands that being present matters more than being right.
It needs someone whose presence does not constantly shift.
Someone who does not make you toss a coin again and again.
Someone like a parent, but what a parent could not be.
Someone like God, except I treat Him the way I learned to treat my parents:
with hesitation, with doubt, without complete trust.
And yet this person stays.
To prove me wrong.
To build trust brick by brick.
Trauma takes away the agency to choose.
To choose what to feel.
What to express.
How much of yourself is safe enough to reveal.
Safety brings expression back.
It gives you the freedom to become who you truly are, no matter how messy that may look.
Trauma is fast.
Trauma is lightning.
Safety is slow.
Safety is the sun rising quietly until it becomes midday.
Trauma feels like standing on a tiny, shaky wooden plank in the middle of an ocean with violent waves around you.
You could fall any moment.
Safety is childish.
Safety feels magical to those who never had it.
It feels like jumping into a puddle on the road, knowing you are going to get dirty, but also knowing it will be fun.
You do not worry about falling.
Nor do you worry about who will pick you back up.
Because you can handle both.
You own your body there.
Trauma takes away that feeling of ownership.
So I want someone solid as a rock.
Not a mirror.
More like water.
So calm that I can finally see myself in it without hating what I see.
And even when the ripples disturb the reflection, my flaws no longer scare me.
When I cry, this person—this water—washes my tears away with softness.
Even when I immerse myself in it, I do not get lost.
It gently pushes me upward and leaves me on the shore of sanity when I am ready.
Being safe feels like walking on the beach.
You are no longer trying to survive the waves.
You are finally able to listen to them.
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