Tag: selfreflection

  • Prisoners Of The Mind: The Human Struggle

    The trouble with life is that it is made up of numerous moments. When times are good, you enjoy being in the moment, but when things aren’t going your way, every moment feels like a punishment. Life seems like a prison, and you become a slave to it.

    You keep banging your head against the invisible walls of time, trying to understand what led you here. It becomes even more difficult when you consider yourself a thinker-logical and rational-someone who can’t accept an irrational explanation for their problems. Yet, there often seems to be no rational reason for the random unpleasant events in life.

    How and when psychology became a rational branch is something that makes me wonder because, most of the time, when you can’t perform due to an emotionally troubled state, people call you useless or lazy. If psychology is the culprit, why shouldn’t a person see themselves as a victim, victim of their own mind or time, victim of their own evolution, which made them sensitive to others, victim of anything that now seems to be a self-fulfilling prophecy?

    While people strive to be part of groups where they are truly in touch with their inner selves, a person who is authentically themselves at all times is often labeled impulsive. Why is everything paradoxical when it comes to real practices in the world? Every ritual has two sides: one bad and the other worse, yet we are forced to choose.

    When we begin to understand what we lack, we find ourselves at the brink of killing our own ideals. Once we realize that this lack is the cause of our troubles, it becomes difficult to act against it because doing so feels like acting against ourselves, against the truth. And everyone has a different version of the truth, yet everyone wants you to accept their version while you keep wondering: isn’t truth supposed to be absolute?

    Perhaps this is where we make the mistake. Maybe it’s not the truth we are offering or believing, but rather an explanation. And explanations change with time, according to our understanding of the problems.

    Maybe the key to everything is knowledge, awareness. The more we get to know things, directly and remotely related to our situation, the better we will be at accepting what brought us here.

    And maybe, then, our tombstones won’t silently read: “Still searching for a reason.”

  • Masters Of The Stage Or Masters Of Fate?

    I am a novice when it comes to acting. Not only did I hold various assumptions about the talent required, thinking it was no big deal, but I also believed acting was for those who couldn’t do anything else.

    Recently, I had an epiphany, a newfound respect for actors, when I realized that acting isn’t just impromptu. It’s rehearsed. And it’s not just a monologue all the time. There is a group of people working together to present a real-life situation in the most convincing way possible. I now understand why the term “timing” was coined.

    An actor already knows what will come next, yet they still hold the expressions the scene demands. They know their next line, but they wait patiently for their turn, responding as though hearing it for the first time. And while they wait, they don’t look bored or fake their reactions, they seem to be immersed in that character and that’s the mark of a great actor.

    This got me thinking about the mystery in our own lives. What if we knew what was coming next? Could we still stay present and play our part convincingly?

    If we knew we were going to die, get hurt, or lose everything, could we still be as happy in the present moment as we are now, oblivious to the future? Personally, I doubt that about myself.

    If we can’t even be good actors in the small plays of life, how could we expect to be good humans if we knew our fate beforehand? Would living still be as exhilarating if we knew exactly how it would unfold?

    Actors don’t just play one role in their lifetime, they embody many. With each character, they get to live as sinners and saints, lovers and villains. They don’t just recite lines; they feel what their characters feel, diving deep into the emotional and spiritual depths of those experiences.

    Maybe that gives them an unusual perspective, a glimpse into different kinds of human existence. They witness what it means to be selfish or selfless, cruel or kind, broken or whole.

    In real life, they probably get to choose who they want to be, based on those experiences.

    And that made me wonder, as humans, do we experience something similar? If we believe in multiple lifetimes, could it be that, deep down, we remember the lessons from each?

    Maybe not consciously, but somewhere in the fabric of our being, we carry those experiences, shaping the way we choose to live.

    If we could see all the beads on the string of life, every role we’ve ever played, every lesson we’ve ever learned, would we finally understand why we are here? Would it make us better? Or is the forgetting just as essential as the remembering?

    Would we be content knowing we were kings among kings in our past lives, yet choose not to start another hedonistic chapter in this one?

    Would we still be able to breathe if we remembered how barbaric we once were?

    Doesn’t it seem like a blessing that God made us forget what we probably once did, and gave us a seemingly clean slate to start again?

    After all is said and done, if we are just actors with no permanence of script in the grand scheme of things, it makes me wonder;

    are we all simply players in the great theatre of existence, striving for our final standing ovation?

  • Who Are You Without their Approval?

    Why Being Unable to Show Up Is a ‘You’ Issue, Not a ‘Them’ Issue?

    Most of the time, when we get ready to meet someone, we think about how they will perceive us. Will they approve of the way we look? Will we fit in?

    This concern makes sense in formal settings, where dress codes act as unspoken signals. Dressing like the attendees at a corporate event or a government meeting signals, I belong here. I understand your language. Even in creative spaces like art exhibitions or tech startups, a certain aesthetic exists—one that distinguishes us from them.

    But what about relationships? Shouldn’t those be the spaces where we show up as we are, not as someone trying to belong? Is that too much to expect in this world where everything else is made up?

    Living As Per the World vs. Living True to Yourself

    The truth is, many of us live as versions of ourselves shaped by the world, not by what feels natural to us. But what makes us doubt our authentic selves? What strips away our ability to stand firm in who we are?

    The answer: Self-esteem.

    A deep, unwavering belief that you are lovable and worthy exactly as you are, not because of your appearance, achievements, or status, but simply because you exist. Not an arrogance that stems from superiority, nor apathy that disguises insecurity, but a quiet confidence that says, I am enough.

    The Fear of Not Being Enough

    I’ve seen this trope play out in movies: Two childhood friends, now grown up, decide to meet. One of them, usually the heroine, recognizes the other right away. But the hero is searching for an idealized version of her -the pretty, polished version he remembers. She sees this, feels small, assumes she isn’t enough, and instead of revealing herself, she walks away.

    Is this the guy’s fault, or is it her own self-doubt? If he openly shows disappointment, sure, we can judge him. But maybe even he has a physical preference. And what if he’s just happy to see her, no matter how she looks? Would we pat him on the back for that? And if so, what does that say about our own standards? Are we promoting pity and negating the importance of authenticity?

    Who really needs to do the work,the person with an expectation that their love interest will have a certain physical appearance and financial situation, or the person too afraid to show up as they are in the present moment?

    Where It All Begins: Childhood

    What fuels self-esteem? Why do some people seek a lot of external validation while others don’t?

    It all is set in the first 25 years of life. Those years shape almost everything about how we navigate adulthood, including how much we like ourselves. And the biggest deciding factor? Parents.

    Or, if not parents, the primary caregivers ,the people who first taught us what being human means. Think about Mowgli. Raised by wolves, he didn’t see himself as a human. He measured himself by the wolf pack’s standards. Even when he was found, he struggled to integrate because his foundation wasn’t built on human identity. That’s how deep early influences go.

    If your parents praised you only when you looked a certain way, you learned that appearance equals worth. If they mocked others for their looks, you internalized that judgment, fearing they saw you the same way. And so, you either conformed to avoid shame or rebelled to prove a point,both behaviors driven by external validation rather than self-acceptance.

    If You’re a Parent, What Can You Do?

    First, learn to love yourself, the way you are. Do the inner work that’s required to reach that healthy stage. How you see the world and yourself influences your child’s worldview. The efforts you make for yourself and the words you use for yourself  and others, the things you approve or disapprove of, all these shape your child’s standards for themselves and others.

    Yes, you have to teach your child about societal norms. Yes, you have to protect them by teaching them certain behaviors and practices. But none of it should make the child feel inadequate,especially if they struggle to follow those norms. Their worth should never be intertwined with what they do or how they behave in the eyes of a parent. They don’t have to fight you to earn your love. 

    Second, self-esteem isn’t just about looks. It extends to career, relationships, and life milestones. Parenting requires a fine balance between nudging a child toward growth, setting necessary boundaries, and making them feel inherently valued.

    Sometimes, tough love is needed. But how it’s delivered determines whether it builds resilience or damages confidence. A healthy child who grows into a healthy adult doesn’t constantly seek approval. If your child never seeks validation, something’s off. If they always need it, something’s off. And if they tiptoe around your emotions to keep you happy, you might be raising a people-pleaser.

    A confident child pushes boundaries because they know your love isn’t conditional. In any case, never mock or shame your child-whether in front of them or behind their back. Sarcasm and shame never help a child (or even an adult) learn anything. They only teach them that they are unworthy of their parent’s love because they failed to meet a certain expectation. 

    Sarcasm and shame seemingly may work in the short term, but it should not be the norm for correction in the house, your kid (sometimes even adult children) shouldn’t fear that their parents can make fun of them anytime in front of anyone, in the name of motivation. In the long term, it destroys their self esteem and in a deranged way can also be used to gain an unhealthy form of attention from you. 

    Research shows that kids who receive enough love and  healthy attention actually listen more to their parents. Parenting becomes easier when children feel secure in their worth and receiving love that is consistent.

    As an Adult, What Can You Do?

    It may not be about physical appearance. It’s about how you feel about yourself overall. Career struggles, unmet expectations, and peer pressure can all chip away at self-esteem. If you feel like you’re falling behind, it’s easy to shrink.

    Instead of forcing yourself to ‘march ahead,’ start by surrounding yourself with people who see your worth beyond your current circumstances. Find friends or family members who remind you that you are you—not your achievements, not your setbacks, just you.

    These people keep you grounded when you’re soaring and lift you up when you’re falling. They may even be part of a digital community if your family is toxic and you don’t have supportive friends. Finding healthy support,through online spaces, doing self-care and inner work, reading good books, podcasts, and other perspectives, helps maintain and build self-esteem when it is shattered.

    Sometimes, you have to spend time with yourself to rebuild your self-worth from scratch. Something like rising from the ashes like a phoenix.

    Final Thought

    No one—not society, not your past, not even your own doubts—gets to decide your worth. If something isn’t working out, it’s a matter of strategy and time, not proof of your value.

    We all love achieving things, and that’s great. But your milestones should never dictate your right to get love, respect, or attention.

    Show up. As you are.

    That’s all you ever needed to do.

  • Life Attention पर चलती है—क्या आप सही जगह Attention दे रहे हैं?

    ज़िन्दगी attention पर चलती है। Parenting के बारे में जो पहली चीज़ आप सीखते हैं, वो है attention। जन्म के पहले ही पल से, एक बच्चा attention की चाहत रखता है। यह एक evolutionary ज़रूरत है कि कोई भी नवजात attention मांगे क्योंकि यह उसके survival के लिए आवश्यक है। एक मानव शिशु 100% अपने माता-पिता या caretakers पर निर्भर होता है। इस कारण, माता-पिता को लगातार अपने बच्चे की ज़रूरतों और असुविधाओं को समझने के लिए सतर्क रहना पड़ता है। लेकिन क्या यह बुनियादी attention की ज़रूरत उम्र बढ़ने के साथ समाप्त हो जाती है?

    इसे जो भी नाम दें, लेकिन चाहे हमारे पास कितना भी पैसा या technology क्यों न हो, community और मानवीय सहयोग हमारे happiness के लिए बेहद ज़रूरी हैं। इंसान machines के साथ जीवित रह सकता है, लेकिन अगर उसे वास्तव में thrive करना है—एक सार्थक जीवन बनाना है—तो उसे जुड़ाव की आवश्यकता होगी। और फिर यह बहस भी उठती है कि क्या केवल जीवित रहना ही पर्याप्त है, या जीने के लिए कुछ और भी मायने रखता है?

    जैसे-जैसे हम बड़े होते हैं, attention की आवश्यकता बदलती रहती है। इसके रूप बदल सकते हैं, लेकिन देखे और सुने जाने की मूलभूत ज़रूरत हमेशा बनी रहती है। फिर भी, एक community के रूप में हम अक्सर इस महत्वपूर्ण पहलू की अनदेखी कर देते हैं—चाहे वो attention देना हो या प्राप्त करना।

    Self-reliance और independence को तीन बार सलाम, लेकिन किस हद तक? इतनी कि हम खुद को दूसरों से अलग-थलग कर लें, यह सोचकर कि हमें community की ज़रूरत ही नहीं? या फिर इतनी कि हम समाज से कट जाएँ और फिर से जुड़ने में असमर्थ महसूस करें?

    ज़िन्दगी, बहुत हद तक, वहीं होती है जहाँ attention होती है। किसी व्यक्ति की well-being, किसी business की सफलता, या किसी community की मजबूती इस बात पर निर्भर करती है कि कहाँ और कैसे उनकी समस्याओं पर ध्यान दिया जा रहा है। लेकिन इससे गहरे सवाल उठते हैं: हम व्यक्तिगत और सामूहिक रूप से अपनी attention कहाँ केंद्रित कर रहे हैं? क्या हम सच में ज़रूरी चीज़ों को प्राथमिकता दे रहे हैं, या फिर महत्वपूर्ण आवश्यकताओं को अनदेखा कर रहे हैं और तुच्छ चीज़ों पर ध्यान दे रहे हैं?

    Attention देना एक गहरी और प्रभावशाली क्रिया है। यह presence, empathy, और action की मांग करता है। एक community के रूप में, हमें यह समझना होगा कि भार साझा करना कितना महत्वपूर्ण है। अगर कोई व्यक्ति अकेले अपने संघर्षों से जूझ रहा है, तो जो सक्षम हैं वे उसकी मदद कर सकते हैं। यह सामूहिक attention लोगों की ज़िन्दगी बदल सकती है, रिश्तों को मजबूत बना सकती है और belongingness की भावना को बढ़ावा दे सकती है। लेकिन पहला कदम यह स्वीकार करना है कि attention देना कितना जरूरी है—खुद को, दूसरों को, और अपने आस-पास की दुनिया को।

  • Self-Care Is Not Selfish

    History has not been kind to those who cannot advocate for themselves.

    Life and health, too, unfortunately, are unkind to those who devote themselves to others without attending to their own needs.

    Caretakers, for instance, often neglect their health because they lack the mental bandwidth or willpower to prioritize themselves.

    While they might know exactly how to care for others, planning meals, appointments, and exercises for their loved ones, they often fail to apply that same care to themselves.

    Self-care is often misunderstood. For many, it feels selfish or indulgent, especially in a society that glorifies sacrifice and selflessness.

    However, the truth is that self-care is one of the most selfless things you can do. Why? Because only when you care for yourself can you truly take care of others.

    Who is a caretaker? A caretaker is not just someone looking after an ailing or struggling person physically or mentally; it is anyone who pours themselves out to meet someone else’s needs.

    This includes a parent caring for a child, a working professional supporting their family, or a person managing both their job and an aging pet. The examples are endless.

    Being a caretaker is one of the most sacrificial roles a person can take on, but it is also one of the most self-sabotaging. The body and brain work in mysterious ways.

    When you are constantly focused on others, your own needs often fade into the background.

    Basic necessities required for a healthy mind and body, like exercise, nutritious food, and good sleep habits are ignored. Over time, this neglect takes a serious toll on physical and mental health, leading to chronic illnesses, particularly lifestyle disorders like hypertension, obesity, diabetes, and mental health struggles.

    Research has even linked prolonged stress due to neglected self-care with an increased risk of serious conditions like cancer.

    It takes immense grit, intention, and discipline to practice self-care, perhaps even more than it takes to care for someone else.

    Yet, without it, you risk burning out, becoming irritable, or even resenting the very people you are trying to help.

    You become the person you least pay attention to, and this neglect has consequences.

    If you are a parent, this may affect your parenting style. As a health caretaker, it impacts the healing environment of the home where you reside with the patient.

    This raises the question: is it wrong to prioritize yourself? Absolutely not.

    In fact, it is essential. Self-care is the foundation of effective caregiving and healthy relationships. It’s not about ignoring others’ needs but ensuring that you are strong enough to meet them.

    After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

    Unfortunately, societal attitudes make this even more difficult. We often glorify self-sacrifice to the point where those who prioritize their well-being are seen as selfish.

    But for those who are self-reliant or caring for others, self-care is a lifeline. It’s about maintaining the physical, emotional, and mental capacity to live meaningfully and support others effectively.

    At the same time, seeking help should be normalized and celebrated. Many people, including caretakers, struggle in silence because they feel they must manage everything alone.

    Yet, asking for support is not a sign of weakness but of courage, it shows trust in one’s community.

    This is why we must foster a culture where offering help is instinctive, even when it is not explicitly asked for. A simple offer of assistance can go a long way in reminding caretakers that they are not alone, that their struggles are seen and acknowledged.

    However, instead of encouraging practical support, society tends to glorify those who carry the burden alone to the brink of burnout. They are labeled as superheroes, praised for their endurance rather than helped in meaningful ways.

    For example, mothers juggling work and childcare without assistance are often called “wonder women” rather than being offered support. Instead of recognizing their struggle as a lesson in the need for communal care, we turn it into an inspiration for others to endure similar hardships.

    We celebrate perseverance, yet we fail to teach the importance of seeking or providing help.

    Ironically, while we admire success and ambition, we rarely consider empathy a skill worth cultivating. Internships and training programs focus on financial or professional growth, but who teaches us to support those silently struggling?

    The burden of caregiving often falls to those who grew up in difficult circumstances, not because they were taught how to handle it but because they had no choice.

    The lesson here is clear: to provide meaningful support, we must first be capable ourselves. Prioritizing self-care is not selfish; it is the most compassionate thing we can do for those who depend on us.

    We must foster an environment where taking care of our minds and bodies is guilt-free, while also ensuring that we uplift those who cannot do so themselves.

    Ultimately, self-care is about balance. It’s about recognizing that your well-being matters just as much as anyone else’s.

    It’s about creating a world where everyone, caretakers and those they care for, can thrive.

    And it starts with a simple but profound realization: you cannot help others unless you help yourself first.

    More related posts on self care:

    Are You Ignoring the Silent Killer of Your Peace and Health?

  • The Illusion of Self-Sustainability: Why We Need Each Other

    Why I Don’t Want People to Solve All Their Problems on Their Own

    This is the 21st century, the era of ‘freedom’, ‘liberation from the dogmatic clutches of society’, and ‘independence from orthodox thoughts that hold people back’, or so we had hoped. But what have we actually become?

    ‘Independent’, ‘self-reliant’, not because these are the highest human values, but because our trust in others has eroded so profoundly. Ironic, isn’t it?

    Society was meant to evolve in a way that made human life easier, allowing us to spend less time on survival and more on higher pursuits, spiritual, intellectual, or even pleasure-seeking.

    Technological advancements were supposed to serve this goal, making our lives simpler so we could focus on building stronger, healthier communities.

    But instead of using our knowledge and progress to bring people together, we are weaponizing them to break down societies.

    Rather than fostering camaraderie, we are fueling cynicism, paranoia, and a worldview where other humans are seen as obstacles rather than allies.

    Historians may not have emphasized this enough, but community is not a luxury, it is a necessity. Even a digital community can offer immense support to its members.

    Yet, we were sold the idea that being a good human is optional, that we only need others as a matter of choice. However, research over the past few decades has continually proven that humans cannot function in isolation.

    From birth to even after death, where people continue to honor their ancestors, believing that love and responsibility transcend realms, our existence is deeply interwoven with others.

    The Fallacy of Self-Sustainability

    Today, we are increasingly told that we must be entirely self-sufficient: grow our own food, stitch our own clothes, maintain peak health so we never need external medical care, and even grow our own medicines if we fall sick.

    If we crave community, we are advised to chant mantras to remind ourselves that we were born alone and will die alone (which, ironically, is a misinterpretation of that ideology).

    The ultimate goal, it seems, is to live in isolation, rejecting society altogether.

    But should a life goal be so alienating that it requires us to forsake our true selves? Isn’t it already evident that people become bitter when they stray too far from their inherent social nature?

    We have all encountered so-called self-reliant or spiritually ‘enlightened’ individuals who appear emotionally hardened, untouched by human warmth.

    Have they mistaken detachment for strength?

    Do they believe that even God doesn’t cry?

    The problem with self-sustainability and extreme independence is that it distances us from other humans. The idea is often rooted in mistrust, fear, and cynicism rather than true empowerment.

    Yes, corruption and untrustworthiness exist. Yes, adulteration, unethical behavior, and deceit are real. But instead of fiercely advocating for a return to ethics, empathy, and accountability, we are retreating into isolated cocoons. The result?

    People cut themselves off, not just from toxic environments, but sometimes even from their own families and communities.

    The Natural Order: A Lesson from Biology

    Nature itself does not operate on self-sufficiency.

    The first example of the division of labor comes from biological evolution, the development of complex organ systems that work together to sustain life. Plants and animals thrive through intricate interdependencies.

    If we were meant to be entirely self-reliant, we would have remained amoebas, unicellular, shapeless, and alone.

    But we are not alone. Neither at a cellular level nor on a universal scale.

    So why this obsession with ‘making it to the end’ alone?

    The Psychological and Social Consequences

    Psychologists have documented countless cases of individuals struggling with mental and emotional distress, and one recurring factor hindering their healing is a lack of a healthy community.

    It is unrealistic to expect people to thrive in toxic environments, but the solution should not be complete isolation. Instead, the goal should be to build and nurture spaces where trust and authenticity can flourish.

    This goes beyond mental health, it extends to social well-being, too. Farmers grow our food. Businesses provide goods and services. Consumers drive economies. At every level of this chain, we are interconnected.

    A strong community is only as trustworthy and ethical as its members. Yet, the prevailing narrative tells us to disengage rather than repair, to abandon rather than rebuild.

    The Frustration Feedback Loop

    Conversations about modern life increasingly revolve around how difficult it is to rely on others. As a result, people turn inward, believing they must handle everything themselves.

    But this isn’t coming from a place of enlightenment, it stems from frustration and disillusionment. When others fail to meet basic expectations of cooperation and decency, the response is often, “If I can’t count on them, then I won’t be there for anyone either.”

    This creates a dangerous cycle. As trust erodes, people stop holding themselves accountable to others.

    The growing sentiment of “Let the world burn as long as my house is safe” is becoming not only acceptable but encouraged.

    There Is Still Hope

    Yet, all is not lost. There are still people who believe in the power of community, who understand that the most profound human experiences come not from isolation but from togetherness.

    We must share the blame collectively and spread hope collectively.

    Our core human nature, shaped by millennia of evolution, proves that we cannot thrive alone.

    A community is not just about collecting ‘likes’ on social media; it is about the people you share your days with, the ones who stand by you until the very end.

    It’s time to rethink what independence truly means. It should not be about detaching from others out of fear or disillusionment but about building relationships where trust, cooperation, and interdependence thrive.

    Only then can we move forward, not as fragmented individuals, but as a society that truly understands the strength of standing together.

  • “At Least” सोच की परेशानी

    आजकल की सोसाइटीज़ में कृतज्ञता की संस्कृति धीरे-धीरे “at least” वाली सबकल्चर से दबती जा रही है। यह सबकल्चर अक्सर बुनियादी इंसानी शालीनता के न्यूनतम स्तर को भी पूरा नहीं करती, खासकर toxic रिश्तों और communities में।

    Gratitude और “At Least” का फर्क
    जब हम life में struggles face करते हैं, तो positivity ढूंढने की कोशिश करते हैं। Gratitude का मतलब है उन छोटी-छोटी blessings को recognize करना जो हमें hope देती हैं। यह एक अंदरूनी journey होती है, जो हमें survival से ऊपर उठने और life की अच्छाइयों को appreciate करने में मदद करती है।

    लेकिन जब बात relationships की आती है—खासकर toxic relationships—तो genuine gratitude को weaponize कर दिया जाता है। इसे distort करके “at least” जैसे शब्दों में बदल दिया जाता है। ये phrases अक्सर struggling person की feelings को invalidate करने और उनके दर्द को trivial बनाने के लिए use होती हैं।

    For example, अगर कोई toxic relationship में अपनी dissatisfaction या neglect express करता है, तो जवाब आता है, “At least वो तुम्हें मारते नहीं,” या “At least वो तुम्हारी financial needs पूरी करते हैं।” ये statements उस व्यक्ति की emotional needs और love language को ignore करती हैं और उन्हें टुकड़ों

    पर satisfy होने को कहती हैं, जबकि वो पूरी रोटी deserve करते हैं।

    “At Least” की Problem
    “At least” वाली सोच का सबसे बड़ा problem यह है कि यह bare minimum तक नहीं पहुंचती। यह neglect और underperformance को justify करती है और accountability को deflect करके suffering person पर burden डालती है। इससे message जाता है कि improvement ज़रूरी नहीं है, बस condemnation avoid करने के लिए minimum effort करना काफी है।

    यह toxic mindset सिर्फ relationships तक सीमित नहीं है। Societies में भी जब powerful लोग underperform करते हैं, तो उनका defense होता है, “At least they’re doing something.” इस mindset से accountability undermine होती है और mediocrity normalize हो जाती है।

    True Gratitude और Accountability
    “To move beyond the toxicity of ‘at least,’ हमें gratitude और accountability के balance को reimagine करना होगा। True gratitude का मतलब है अच्छाइयों को appreciate करना, लेकिन growth और improvement की possibilities को recognize करना।

    हमें relationships और societies में ऐसी culture को promote करना होगा जहां लोग अपने best selves बनने के लिए inspired हों। Mutual respect और empathy से भरा environment ही complacency (आत्मसंतोष)को challenge कर सकता है।

    Conclusion
    “At least” की toxic culture को सुधार, सहानुभूति और आपसी सम्मान वाली culture से replace करना ज़रूरी है। कृतज्ञता और जवाबदेही साथ coexist कर सकते हैं—दोनों एक-दूसरे की cost पर नहीं आने चाहिए। जब हम यह balance adopt करते हैं, तो हम ऐसी societies की ओर बढ़ते हैं जहां हर व्यक्ति उन्नति कर सके, expectations को lower करके नहीं, बल्कि उन्हें greater good के लिए raise करके।

  • Shared DNA-blessing, burden or both?

    The Joy of Shared Traits

    There’s something magical about seeing families together. It’s such an underrated feeling, the way similar people with similar traits create a sense of connection. The same noses, the same eyes, the same cheeks or eyebrows.

    Even the way they walk or the shape of their fingers, it’s like nature is showing off, saying, “Look how clever I am.”

    I’m an obsessive pattern-seeker. I have to find connections everywhere. I’m very good at remembering people, their faces, their nuances, their quirky stories. It’s like I have a mini profile page for everyone I’ve ever met, and with little effort, I can pull it up anytime I want.

    Every time I see a family together, I get this fuzzy feeling. I rejoice in this small wonder that nature has created. The beautiful sharing of DNA, the way traits are passed down, it’s a quiet miracle.

    The Burden of Resemblance

    But not everyone finds joy in resemblance.

    Some people don’t like looking at their own face because it reminds them of someone who hurt them in the past. Imagine your face being your own burden.

    You might think you’re not aesthetically pleasing, but the truth is simpler: you haven’t healed yet. You haven’t been able to move on.

    Resemblance can be a double-edged sword. It connects us to those we love, but it can also bind us to those who’ve caused us pain.

    The same hands that bring comfort in one person can bring heartache in another.

    It’s a strange, heavy thing, to carry someone else’s traits when they’ve left scars on your heart.

    The Ephemerality of Time

    The ephemerality of time is real. Time is too short to not be spent with your loved ones, yet sometimes it feels unbearably long when you haven’t been able to reconcile with them. Or maybe life’s winds have carried you far from home, leaving you longing for the connections you once had.

    And then, one day, you see someone, your cousin, your sibling, your uncle, or your aunt. There they are, with the same body language, the same voice, the same wrinkles that you saw on your mother’s face. The same laughter, the same hands. For a moment, you’re back with the person you’ve lost. Your cold heart warms up again.

    You don’t feel so lost, even if it’s just for a little while.

    Maybe you keep coming back to these moments because that’s all that’s left.

    God is kind. He takes a lot, but sometimes He leaves a lot to carry on too.

    Finding Comfort in Patterns

    In the end, resemblance is both a gift and a challenge. It connects us to our roots, to the people who came before us and the ones who will come after. It’s a reminder that we’re never truly alone, even when we feel lost.

    But it’s also a call to heal, to untangle the emotions tied to our reflections and find peace with who we are.

    So, the next time you see a family together, take a moment to appreciate the wonder of resemblance. Notice the shared traits, the mirrored gestures, the quiet connections.

    And if you catch your own reflection in the mirror, remember:

    you’re not just a ripple in someone else’s story,

    you’re the center of your own.

  • The Toxicity of “At Least” Culture

    The culture of being grateful is slowly being replaced, or rather overshadowed, by a subculture of “at least,” which often fails to meet even the bare minimum of human decency, especially in the highly toxic societies we inhabit today.

    To put this into perspective, when we’re struggling, we naturally want to find positivity in life. So, we start looking for good things, in situations, in people, in the small moments that give us hope.

    Gratitude, in this sense, becomes an internal journey. It helps us rise above mere survival and feel worthy of the blessings in our lives, many of which others might only dream of.

    But when we shift to relationships, especially toxic ones, whether at the community or family level, this genuine gratitude is often weaponized. It gets sugarcoated, distorted, and replaced with the word “at least.”

    This phrase is then used to invalidate the feelings of the struggling person, turning their pain and longing for love into something trivial.

    Instead of addressing the root of the issue, “at least” becomes a way to silence, minimize, and dismiss.

    For instance, when someone in a toxic relationship expresses dissatisfaction or emotional neglect, they might be met with phrases like, “At least they don’t hit you,” or “At least they provide for you.”

    These statements diminish the person’s needs, invalidate their love languages, and imply that they should be content with crumbs when they deserve the whole loaf.

    This is not to deny that there are exceptions, some individuals might truly be narcissistic or overly self-centered, always fixated on their own needs.

    However, in most cases, the “at least” culture reflects a systemic failure to acknowledge the emotional and physical well-being of those who depend on us.

    The problem with “at least” is that it often doesn’t even meet the bare minimum. It excuses underperformance, justifies neglect, and absolves responsibility.

    By using “at least” as a defense, the burden of improvement is shifted from the person who should be accountable to the one already suffering. It sends the message that striving to do better isn’t necessary, as long as one does the absolute least to avoid outright condemnation.

    This toxic mindset isn’t limited to interpersonal relationships, it’s deeply ingrained in societal structures. When those in positions of power underperform or fail to fulfill their duties, toxic societies quickly defend them with arguments like, “At least they’re doing something.”

    This rhetoric not only undermines accountability but also perpetuates a culture of mediocrity, where improvement becomes an afterthought rather than a priority.

    The damage of “at least” lies in its ability to stifle growth and diminish the potential for positive change. It creates an environment where people settle for less, stop striving to be their best, and feel justified in placing their burdens on others.

    It normalizes complacency and discourages meaningful efforts to be better, whether as partners, leaders, or even human beings.

    To move beyond the toxicity of “at least,” we must reimagine what gratitude means. True gratitude is about appreciating the good in our lives while recognizing areas for growth and improvement. It’s about valuing others’ efforts while holding them accountable for the roles they play in our lives.

    It’s about finding balance, celebrating what’s good without tolerating what’s harmful.

    Instead of settling for the lowest benchmarks, we must strive for a culture where everyone feels valued and respected.

    We must cultivate environments that encourage people to be their best selves, not through shame or pressure, but through mutual respect and empathy.

    When we stop using “at least” as a justification for mediocrity, we open the door to healthier relationships, better leadership, and stronger communities.

    The key is to challenge complacency and embrace a mindset of continuous growth. By expecting more from ourselves and others, we can foster a society where genuine effort and accountability are the norms, not exceptions.

    Conclusion
    The culture of “at least” must be replaced by a culture of improvement, empathy, and mutual respect.

    Gratitude and accountability can coexist, one doesn’t have to come at the expense of the other.

    When we embrace this balance, we move closer to building a world where every individual can thrive, not by lowering our expectations, but by continually raising them for the greater good of all.

  • Not So Free Will

    I have always felt agitated at the thought of being bound by limits. Being tied down circumstantially made me realize something.

    I am now doing things that I wouldn’t have done if I were not forced to. I do these things, as the rebel I am, because I have not been given the freedom to choose.

    This made me wonder, do we, or at least those of us who view humans as independent rather than co-dependent beings, simply crave free will?

    As thinkers, our ultimate aim seems to be freedom. Not freedom that comes at the cost of others’ rights, but a freedom where we are unbothered and unburdened by unnecessary interference.

    Yet, I began to question,why has living within limits become the hallmark of a civil society? Why does society insist that humans need to be trained or tamed?

    We are told that without rules, society would collapse and human life would spiral into chaos. But is that really true?

    Certain experiments, like the infamous Stanford Prison Experiment, suggest that given free will, people can quickly devolve into violent or immoral behavior.

    For reference, this Stanford prison experiment was a study by Philip Zimbardo at Stanford University (in 1971) where 24 male students were randomly assigned roles of guards and prisoners in a simulated prison.

    It was observed:

    1. Guards quickly became abusive.
    2. Prisoners showed stress, rebellion, and breakdowns.
    3. Planned for 2 weeks but ended in 6 days.

    Conclusion: Situations and assigned roles can strongly influence human behavior, leading ordinary people to act cruelly.

    These studies show how easily we adapt to roles without much thought. However, I wonder about the validity of these conclusions. The Stanford experiment may have been serious in intent, but how representative was its sample? A small group of people in a controlled environment cannot reflect the complexity of all humanity. Perhaps the setup itself was flawed.

    Are humans, then, like animals that require training? Even if that’s the case, can humans truly become “inhuman” under normal conditions? Just as an herbivore doesn’t suddenly become a carnivore overnight, can we say humans would abandon their morals and humanity if left unchecked?

    If humans aren’t inherently inhuman, why do we need so many rules about how to live? Isn’t it true that people often perform their best when given freedom and no pressure? Or are we saying that humans are fundamentally lazy, incapable of functioning without deadlines?

    This brings me to another question, is this why we believe in God? Do we need a higher authority because we are born slaves, or are we trained to feel like slaves?

    What are we, really? Are we naturally free beings, or are we conditioned to seek control and structure?

    These questions challenge the fundamental assumptions about human nature, free will, and societal norms. Are rules a necessity for order, or have we simply accepted them as a crutch because we fear chaos?

    Does the existence of structure mean we lack the ability to self-govern?

    And ultimately, does our belief in freedom stem from an innate desire to live authentically, or is it a rebellion against the chains we’ve been conditioned to accept?