Tag: psychology

  • The Paradox of Spontaneity

    Now and then, I meet people who mirror a part of me. Like me, they are adrift, navigating life without a clear destination. We belong to a group that doesn’t dream in blueprints or grand visions.

    We’re not marathon runners with meticulously mapped-out strategies for success. Instead, we’re 100-meter sprinters, racing toward the nearest goal, a carrot dangling just out of reach, while being tethered to reins we can’t even see.

    Older generations often seem eager to guide the youth or perhaps they’re searching for guidance themselves through these conversations.

    They ask us, “What’s your goal? Do you know where your life is headed? Do you have a roadmap?” It’s ironic, though. Many of them neglect their own health, skip their medications and healthy habits, and act as though they can regain control of life whenever they choose.

    They ridicule younger generations for living a reckless and unplanned life, all while stumbling through life in much the same way.

    Do humans ever truly grow wiser with age, or do we simply shift our blind spots?

    Taking a step back, I wonder: Is it really so bad not to have everything figured out?

    If it is, then why do we celebrate spontaneity in certain contexts?

    We buy books, attend workshops, and read blogs promising to reignite our spark, in life, in our careers, and even in our relationships. Yet outside of those contexts, spontaneity is so often dismissed.

    In a career, spontaneity is labeled as randomness or recklessness, unless it leads to success. Then it’s rebranded as “risk-taking.” In love, spontaneity might be celebrated as playfulness or condemned as instability and deceit.

    In daily life, it’s often seen as a sign of madness. And in fashion? If you’re a trendsetter, your choices are revolutionary. If you’re not, it’s just bad taste.

    We seem obsessed with contradicting ourselves. The books we read aren’t meant to translate directly into real life.

    We don’t actually want to be our ideal selves; we just want to dream about what we could become. Why? Is it fear of failure? Or is it the vulnerability of exposing who we really are?

    Maybe the real question is this: Are we ready to show up as we are? To live unapologetically, embracing our passions and desires without fear of judgment? Or will we remain tethered to expectations, dreaming of freedom while clinging to the reins?

    The answer, I suppose, lies in whether we’re willing to stand metaphorically naked before the world, shedding the layers of what we’re supposed to be and finally becoming who we are.

  • Are You Ignoring the Silent Killer of Your Peace and Health?

    It’s high time we started talking about our difficult emotions, those that scare us, unsettle us, and weigh us down.

    Anxiety, for instance, can be crippling. Yet instead of burying it deep within, it’s crucial to acknowledge and express it, allowing it to escape from our system. When we suppress negative emotions like anger, stress, or fear for too long, our nervous system begins to operate on autopilot.

    The body enters a state of defense, pulling us further away from our true selves. In such conditions, we often feel like nothing more than a spinning top, lost, directionless, and vulnerable.

    Whether it’s anxiety, fear, or anger, every emotion needs to be labelled and validated. Suppressing these feelings, sometimes so deeply that they sink into our subconscious, can have dire consequences. Research now strongly indicates that chronically suppressing stressful emotions is a significant factor in the development of long-term illnesses.

    Studies on chronic illnesses consistently point to stress as one of the major contributors to lifestyle diseases.

    Yet, as a society, we cling to the belief that denying our emotions, even to ourselves, will somehow make them disappear. This toxic mindset, deeply ingrained in our collective behavior, encourages people to ignore their struggles. Occasionally, brushing aside difficult emotions might work if you have a healthy nervous system and robust coping mechanisms. But repeatedly doing so puts immense pressure on the nervous system.

    It’s not a case of “fake it till you make it”, because one day, your body might no longer cope, and it will collapse in ways you least expect.

    When emotions are suppressed, the body responds through mechanisms known as freeze, fawn, fight, or flight. These responses often build hidden traumas, for example,space trauma, financial trauma, scarcity trauma, and more, that lie dormant until triggered. Over time, this constant state of defense becomes habitual for the nervous system.

    Triggers that remain unacknowledged or unlabeled wreak havoc when they resurface, disrupting our lives unexpectedly. Gradually, these triggers begin to define us, embedding themselves into our personalities. However, the truth is that triggers are controllable, with consistent practice, support, and professional help.

    The need of the hour is to recognize and embrace the concept of a healthy nervous system. It’s equally important to know when to seek help and to stop shaming those who do.

    Mental stress should be treated with the same urgency and seriousness as physical stress, for which we often seek immediate medical attention. Recognizing the problem is, in fact, half the solution.

    Here’s hoping society realizes that the brain and body or mind and body, are not separate entities. Both need care, attention, and balance to lead a truly healthy and happy life.

  • Mental aur Physical Health: Dono Ke Liye Emotional Awareness Zaroori Hai”

    हमें अपनी मुश्किल फीलिंग्स के बारे में बात करने की ज़रूरत है, जैसे कि हमें  kis baat ka डर लगता है, kis baat ki chinta hai। Anxiety बहुत ज़्यादा crippling हो सकती है, लेकिन इसे दबाने के बजाय बात करना ज़रूरी है ताकि इसे system से बाहर निकाला जा सके। अगर हम अपनी negative emotions जैसे गुस्सा, stress और डर को बहुत लंबे समय तक छुपाकर रखें, तो हमारा nervous system auto-pilot पर चलने लगता है। Body defence mode में चली जाती है और हम खुद से दूर होने लगते हैं। सबसे stressful situations में हम एक घूमती हुई लट्टू की तरह हो जाते हैं, jo apne behavior ko control nahi kar sakta aur apne se pareshan ticking bomb ban jata hai।

    चाहे हम anxiety feel कर रहे हों, डर या गुस्सा, इन emotions को label करना ज़रूरी है। इन्हें acknowledge करना ज़रूरी है। इन्हें दबाना नहीं चाहिए, क्योंकि अगर हम इन्हें बहुत गहरा दबा दें, तो ये subconscious का हिस्सा बन जाते हैं। Chronic stressful emotions को दबाने से long-term बीमारियां हो सकती हैं, जैसे कि latest research कहती है। Long-term research यह बताती है कि chronic illnesses का एक major reason stress है। 

    हम सोचते हैं कि जो चीज़ हम खुद से भी deny कर रहे हैं, वो खत्म हो जाएगी। यह एक toxic societal thinking है। हां, कभी-कभी एक healthy nervous system और coping mechanisms के साथ, difficult emotions को side करना चल सकता है। लेकिन अगर हम बार-बार ऐसा करें, तो nervous system पर pressure बनने लगता है। यह literally fake it till you make it वाला approach नहीं है, क्योंकि एक दिन आपका body इसे बर्दाश्त नहीं करेगा, और अपने तरीके से collapse कर जाएगा। 

    जब हम difficult emotions को दबाते हैं, तो body के response में freeze, fawn, fight और flight जैसे reactions होते हैं। यह और भी ज़्यादा traumas बनाते हैं, जैसे space trauma, financial trauma, scarcity trauma,emotional trauma आदि। Nervous system के लिए यह एक आदत बन जाता है हमेशा defensive होने का। चाहे हम इन triggers को label न करें, यह फिर भी हमारे nervous system को कभी भी impact कर सकते हैं। धीरे-धीरे, यह triggers हमें define करने लगते हैं, और हमारी personality का हिस्सा बन जाते हैं। लेकिन असल में, हमारे triggers controllable हैं – practice और मदद के साथ। अब ज़रूरत यह है कि हम समझें और accept करें कि healthy nervous system क्या होता है। कब मदद लेनी चाहिए, और जो मदद लेते हैं उन्हें shame नहीं करना चाहिए। Mental stress को भी physical stress की तरह treat करना चाहिए, जिसके लिए हम तुरंत medical attention लेते हैं। Problem को पहचानना उसका 50% solution है। यह उम्मीद है कि society समझे कि brain और body या mind और body दो अलग चीज़ें नहीं हैं। दोनों को healthy रहना ज़रूरी है एक healthy और happy ज़िंदगी जीने के लिए।