Tag: philosophy

  • The Lesson I Could Not Rush

    I don’t know why, but one feature in the human behavior manual seems to be this: we learn late.

    Not according to our timelines. Not according to our plans. We learn when we learn.

    And when we truly learn something, it stays.

    So why do we rush the process so much?

    What are we afraid of missing?

    Is it death? Age? Opportunity? Regret?

    Why is timing so important to us?

    I keep coming back to love.

    I think it is love that makes us rush.

    Love for a dream.

    Love for comfort.

    Love for security.

    Love for the people we care about.

    But perhaps fear plays an equal role.

    Maybe we are not only running toward something. Maybe we are also running away from something.

    Love creates the desire to reach a goal.

    Fear creates urgency.

    I can think of many examples.

    I want to build a home for my loved ones. I want them to feel secure. I want them to have comfort. I want to bring that comfort to their life as soon as possible.

    At the same time, I fear the instability that comes from not having a home of our own.

    So I chase.

    Partly because of love. Partly because of fear.

    And somewhere in that push and pull, life keeps trying to teach me faith.

    Perhaps that lesson is being thrust upon me.

    Or perhaps I am secretly looking for it.

    Either way, I have slowly realized that I want peace more than I want speed.

    Because the chasing was exhausting me. Running or chasing both are not sustainable after a point.

    While I was running from fear, I grew tired of running.

    While I was trying to create comfort for my family, I was sometimes creating tension around them.

    The dream was good.

    The urgency was not.

    And slowly I realized something uncomfortable:

    I had become the center of the very tension I was trying to eliminate. I was choosing comfort for them, over the negativity and pressure I was bringing to their life everyday.

    That realization forced me to change.

    Or at least begin changing.

    Maybe that is how lessons are learned.

    Not when life explains them.

    Not when someone wiser tells us.

    But when the consequences of not learning become impossible to ignore.

    For me, the discomfort I was bringing to the people I loved became unbearable.

    And that pain taught me what advice never could.

    It makes me wonder whether the pain we create for others is sometimes life pointing toward what we need to correct.

    And perhaps the pain we create for ourselves serves the same purpose.

    Maybe both are invitations.

    A lesson waiting to be noticed.

    Of course, not everyone learns from pain. Sometimes people simply collect more wounds, more resentments, more triggers.

    Learning is still a choice.

    But humans do learn.

    Slowly.

    Repeatedly.

    Often reluctantly.

    We often think understanding comes first and change follows. More often, suffering accumulates first, and understanding arrives later to explain what our heart already knows.

    Life keeps asking the same question in different forms until we finally answer it.

    And when the answer truly settles into your heart, something changes.

    The chase becomes quieter.

    The fear loses some of its power.

    The lesson stops feeling like information and starts feeling like wisdom.

    Lessons take time

    Perhaps that is why lessons take time.

    Not because life is withholding them from us.

    But because some truths can only be understood when we are finally ready to stop running long enough to hear them.

    Keep searching for your answers.

    Keep engraving your learnings into your heart.

    One day, the peace you spent years chasing may arrive quietly and decide to stay.

    And when it does, perhaps you will be able to help someone else find their way too.

    All in good time, my heart!

  • One Life. Many Truths.

    Humans are rarely one thing at a time.

    We love people we resent. We stay loyal to things that exhaust us. We believe in honesty while still lying to protect ourselves.

    We are systems built to hold contradictions, contrary to popular moral belief.

    You may love your parents, yet you can still be angry at them for something till death. You are annoyed by your best friend, yet you show up every single time they are in trouble while muttering, “Here we go again.”

    We know a particular political leader or party is a nuisance, yet we still go and vote for them. We hate not being able to express our true anger, yet when that creepy boss walks in, we put a smile on our face because that is what diplomacy teaches us.

    We are tired of explaining to our spouses or partners how irresponsible they are, yet we are ready to clean up after their mess every time, both physically and metaphorically.

    We constantly hear our parents complain about their siblings, and eventually we begin disliking our uncles and aunts too, to the extent that we do not even want to see them anymore. Yet when we ask our parents to stop entertaining them, we are the ones scolded for being hard-hearted.

    All these examples reveal a strange dichotomy in human behavior, one that even we fail to understand within ourselves. When others do it, we are quick to call them hypocrites. We believe one feeling cannot exist if another feeling is stronger.

    We pressure people, especially those close to us, to choose one difficult truth over another. Yet we ourselves continue to exhibit contradictory emotions of love and hate without even recognizing it.

    This leads to an interesting truth about the nervous system: human beings find peace not in perfection, but in their ability to hold two conflicting feelings at once.

    Yet humanity is constantly taught in absolutes. Absolute morality. Absolute goodness. Absolute honesty. Absolute loyalty. We are told the ideal human is clear, certain, and unwavering. But if you observe the human mind closely, it begins to crumble under the pressure of perfection.

    The brain is full of conflicting thoughts, mistakes, impulses, imperfections, and moral dilemmas. The more we fight this truth, the more difficult it becomes for us to grow.

    We place chains upon our moral flexibility. Instead of arriving at our own understanding through mistakes, experience, and reflection, we demand that people display only one acceptable behavior and belong to only one school of thought. This creates pain inside us.

    The pressure to choose one truth slowly damages our ability to make better choices. It creates distance in relationships. It pushes us toward only those people who validate every contradiction inside us. And when that validation is absent, it can freeze us emotionally or push us toward addictions, numbness, escapism, or paralysis. Sometimes, it may even create an artist.

    one life many truth

    The behaviors and emotions within humans can be contradictory, but the values imposed upon them are often rigid and singular. We are told we cannot hold conflicting beliefs, even though the human brain naturally does. That is probably the biggest coping mechanism that the human brain has.

    And this contradiction reveals something deeper to me. This conflict of wanting to be a certain way but behaving in a different way reveals something about our inner world.

    I believe the values we cling to the hardest are often born from the places where we were hurt the most. The thing you judge others for most intensely is often the thing that frightens you the most internally. A kind of projection.

    If someone is deeply against theft, perhaps something precious was once stolen from them, emotionally or physically, and they never recovered from it.

    If someone aggressively pushes a healthy lifestyle, maybe they have witnessed an illness destroy someone they love. Maybe they are scared of being dependent on someone one day and rejected while going through a difficult illness. They are scared of being vulnerable. Maybe they took care of someone close and got so deeply hurt in the process that now they don’t want to inflict the same pain of caretaking on their loved ones.

    If someone insists on stable jobs over artistic careers, perhaps they once watched a person struggle financially, or perhaps they themselves were denied the freedom to pursue what they truly wanted.

    Sometimes the values we defend most passionately are not just principles, they are protective walls around old wounds.

    And I experience it is important to give ourselves and others the freedom to discover our truths without shaming contradiction or emotional complexity. Conversation helps us understand that many people behave the way they do to protect themselves, avoid fears they are not ready to face, or survive truths they do not yet have the courage to confront.

    Grace could guide this journey in a gentler way.

    Humans exhaust themselves trying to become morally pure. Is it worth it? Perhaps. But can the journey be gentler? Absolutely.

    We often mistake healing for certainty, as if maturity means becoming unwavering and untouched by contradiction.

    But maturity is not the absence of conflicting feelings. It is the ability to hold them without tearing yourself apart , I believe.

    To love and still feel anger.
    To leave and still miss someone.
    To forgive and still remember.
    To fear becoming your parents while slowly understanding them too.

    The mistake we make with humans is demanding certainty from people who are still trying to understand themselves.

    Contradiction is not always confusion. Sometimes it is evidence of an internal negotiation between fear, morality, survival, desire, love, and experience. Sometimes it is growth in motion.

    Healing is not about becoming emotionally absolute, but about questioning your inherited beliefs, your rigidity, your projections, and your fears until you slowly arrive at a truth that genuinely feels your own.

    Not borrowed.
    Not imposed.
    Not fear-driven.

    But understood through living.

  • My own words of wisdom- Running collection of some fleeting thoughts

    2.

    We learn by surrounding ourselves with people who are better than us. If we surround ourselves with those who lack understanding as compared to us, then we will have no inspiration to be better.

    It is not about who has more money or fame, who is stronger or smarter, but overall who has better values and skills in facing a certain type of situation.

    A child learn swimming faster by looking at people who know how to swim, as compared to those who are standing on the side.

    1.

    “Every day, it is a struggle to return to your thriving state when all you have managed to do is survive.

    Every time you struggle to keep yourself together, a part of you breaks.

    Why is all my strength used only to hold myself together?
    Why is the only mountain I am expected to move the one inside my mind, instead of the ones outside?

    Why can I not show my battle wounds to anyone and still feel like a winner, simply because my battle was with myself and not with an enemy the world could see?

    Every time life pushes me to my knees and I pull myself back up again, people only witness the version of me that fell.
    They never see the fighting.

    Why are all my battles fought alone?”

  • Still Playing

    Before I delve into today’s super-serious topic, let me share some contemporary sayings:

    “Heaven probably has a multi-faith cafeteria.”

    “Coexistence is agreeing that everyone’s god has a different dress code.”

    “If God wanted only one religion, humans wouldn’t have been given opinions.”

    “God listens in all languages. Humans argue over subtitles.”

    “All paths lead to God. Humans added toll booths.”

    “Religious conflict is basically people fighting over whose metaphor is literal.”

    (Source: Internet)

    Haha? Not really.

    What if all religions are already coexisting?

    What if that one God gave us different endings because maybe there is no ending, only checkpoints?

    I haven’t played any video games in the last 15 years. I’m still stuck in the 90s millennial campaign mode, stage by stage, boss after boss, with an ultimate boss waiting at the end.

    And it makes me wonder:

    What if God is like the shop owner of a gaming store?

    You choose the game, aka religion, and He lets you. You jump in, jump out, switch games. No judgment. No restriction.

    What if there is no calibre required to play, only choice?

    The choice to remain in one game, call it reality, religion, universe, or birth, is between you and God. You remember this truth, except when you enter the game, you forget the arrangement.

    Just like you both intended.

    Does that amnesia make life, or religion, or the game, more engrossing?

    Does it help you play better? Learn deeper lessons?

    That’s something only veteran players and game gods might know. They might even share a few cheat codes.

    God can pull you out of the game whenever you want. You can also switch it off yourself.

    But God doesn’t, just because He can.

    Because the power of choice prevails.

    And come to think of it, why should God pull you out, no matter how much He sees you suffering, especially when you are also enjoying being in this mess!

    You paid for this game.

    This suffering.

    This life.

    Maybe through karma. Maybe through choice. It is what it is.

    It was always up to you, to leave the shop altogether or keep trying different games. Free shop you see!

    God holds no grudges.

    But can you handle the choices you’ve made?

    And what if I told you one big secret?

    The ultimate boss is God – the final choice giver -but the super boss in every game you play is actually an amalgamation of you.

    All your unhealed traits. All the harm you caused. All the versions of yourself you didn’t want to look at.

    A version that remembers how you hurt others, and how that hurt feels.

    A  dreadful version of you raised to the power of a hundred thousand.

    And you face this boss, not to punish yourself, but to make you learn what keeps returning. You need to be told what is stopping you from progressing.

    And still, the choice remains yours.

    Door to leave

    No matter how much we blame the game, no matter how much we behave like addicts, insisting the game won’t leave us, when in reality, we are the ones who can’t stop playing.

    Because it gives us a dopamine hit, an existential high!

    Could this be because we don’t know anything else?

    Because we haven’t experienced anything better, even while craving it for so long?

    We are unwilling to believe what some who had left told us about how freeing leaving the shop feels?

    And yet this is our ‘free will’!

    The only thing that might help is remembering the shop owner’s reminder:

    The shop is always open.

    The exit is too!

  • The Pain That Leads You Home

    “He disliked emotion, not because he felt lightly, but because he felt deeply.”

    John Buchan

    And I’d like to inform Mr John Buchan, that this ‘he’ has stopped feeling/expressing emotions altogether henceforth. 

    Because feeling so much and not being able to do anything about it drove him mad.

    And this brings me to my new thought, the motivation to change.

    Why ‘change’ is difficult

    There has been a lot of discussion on change, and there are countless resources that talk about how to create it, on social media, in the hospitals, in our spiritual books and from our discussions with our friends too. But seldom we are speaking about recognizing it.

    The change I’m referring to is psychological, although the mindset and solutions for bringing about a change are not limited to this realm of life alone.

    I’m trying to understand the step before action, the moment a person decides they need to do something about their situation. That ‘change’ now is inevitable!

    How do people find their ‘why’?

    I think we are willing to change only when the pain of staying the same becomes uncomfortable enough.

    When life becomes unbearable to live as is!

    The First Barrier: Admitting There Is Pain

    Imagine you develop a physical ache, the only reason you bother resolving it typically is because it disrupts your daily routine. The more difficult your routine becomes, the more urgent the need to fix the pain feels. 

    We also take urgent actions on those pains, where we fear if we don’t take care of them right now, they will definitely will become too big to handle later. So, the fear drives our defences.

    This is basic common sense. 

    But when the same thing happens in the psychological realm, this common sense, this fear of future pain disappears instantly.

    Psychological pain is tied to our self-image and worth. When we suffer mentally, the first challenge is simply accepting that there is pain. And culturally, strong people live in pain while going through pain, perenially. That’s how they are admired. 

    Pointing out a pain without a smile, is considered something only ‘weak’ people do.

    You see, our threshold for psychological pain is shaped by many things. It may seem like an individual choice, but it is actually influenced by society, culture, religion, education, morality, tradition, geography, and more.

    What we should find painful, and even whether we are allowed to name something as pain, is often decided by others.

    How We Lose Touch With Ourselves

    A lot of research in child psychology encourages parents to focus more on guiding and emotionally regulating children rather than controlling them with rigid rules. We are asked to keep children curious and exploratory, rather than raising them with the fear of getting things wrong.

    We are encouraged to teach them how to navigate life through action and consequence, not by forcing them to follow someone else’s blueprint.

    This comes from the understanding that controlled and coerced children eventually develop a distance from their true selves.

    Psychologically and spiritually, children are wise by default, we just need to give them the environment to reach their own obvious answers. 

    Just like a gardener weeding out anything unwanted, and providing the sapling the best environment to grow their  natural true self.

    For example, if my child doesn’t want to share today, I let him learn through experience. Eventually he will realise that not sharing limits friendship, and he will understand the value of sharing to build camaraderie. Humans naturally crave community, so children instinctively move toward behaviours that support connection, without being pushed into people-pleasing.

    At the same time, if a child is naturally introverted and doesn’t want many friendships, they will also learn that for themselves. The point is: these things develop naturally when we allow them to.

    But in most families and cultures, this curiosity, autonomy, and self-understanding gets suppressed. Children are told to bear their discomfort, to ignore their inner signals, and to “keep going” no matter what.

    As adults, this turns into repression. And repression always has consequences.

    The Repressed Adult

    A repressed person becomes bitter, even if they hide it well. If they bury this bitterness under niceness and people-pleasing, they eventually develop health issues or simply lose the ability to enjoy life.

    The distance from the self becomes so large that they stop seeing themselves at all.

    These adults may:

    • talk to themselves often
    • feel spiritually intense or excessively social
    • appear insecure or emotionally flat
    • function on autopilot
    • insist “nothing is wrong”

    And they deny if anything is hurting them not because they are lying, but because they genuinely stopped feeling their emotions long ago.

    Helping Someone Who Cannot See Their Pain

    To help such a person, you first have to show them that their behaviour reflects inner turmoil. They will resist this, because their denial is decades old.

    So you begin by normalising what they are experiencing. You show them that many people who behave this way are actually struggling inside. You remove the shame. You create safety through information and examples.

    Only after repeated validation and awareness do they finally feel safe enough to seek help or open a deeper conversation.

    But this is not a quick process.

    It requires:

    • a generation normalising emotional pain
    • society validating the experience
    • media and culture spreading awareness
    • and a person feeling less alone in their struggle

    The Shame That Blocks Change

    The biggest barrier to psychological change is shame.

    People are shamed for having mental health issues, so they keep their pain threshold dangerously high and live in denial.

    It is normal to talk about knee pain due to lack of exercise than mental health issues, borne out of individual and family issues.

    Society calls such people who talk about mental health weak, even though everyone is suffering as much as them, in some way or the other.

    It’s like a whole village smoking cigarettes daily. One person develops cancer, and the rest shame him for it, when actually all of them are at risk. Some may even have undiagnosed cancer already.

    This is our exact cultural situation:

    We cannot accept we are in pain, yet we ridicule anyone who shows signs of pain.

    The first task, then, is to recognise psychological pain early, long before it becomes a full-blown illness.

    The Two Types of Psychological Pain

    There are two major kinds of psychological pain:

    1. The pain you feel when you cannot live as your authentic self.

    This is the pain that should motivate change.

    It is the discomfort of living a life that doesn’t belong to you.

    2. The pain of transformation.

    This is the pain of unlearning your old identity and embracing who you really are.

    This pain is intense because:

    • your past will resist
    • your family and friends will resist
    • even you will resist

    Your nervous system prefers the old foe over the new friend.

    It believes it can handle the familiar chaos better than the unfamiliar peace.

    So deciding to change is cathartic, terrifying, and deeply uncomfortable.

    And while crossing that inner bridge, you will often feel the urge to turn back.

    The pain that leads you home

    Choosing the Right Pain

    The pain of change needs to be normalised.

    It must be accepted as a healthy part of transformation.

    The pain we should fear is not the pain of change, but the pain of living a life that isn’t ours.

    We must choose the irritation of misalignment as the signal to move.

    We must choose the discomfort of building a life that feels authentic.

    We must choose resilience for the small, subtle shifts in behaviour, not just for grand achievements.

    Because real change begins the moment you stop tolerating the pain of pretending.

    In the end

    Change does not begin with motivation or discipline. It begins when you finally stop negotiating with your pain. When the discomfort of living a life that isn’t yours starts speaking louder than the fear of the unknown, something shifts inside. 

    The nervous system may resist, memories may pull you back, and familiarity may feel safer than freedom, but pain, when listened to honestly, becomes information. It tells you where you have outgrown your life. 

    And at that point, change is no longer about becoming someone new; it is about returning to who you were always meant to be.

  • From Horoscopes to ChatGPT: The Human Need to Be Seen

    ChatGPT (and similar LLMs) proves something simple yet profound. It shows us that validation, encouragement, and understanding matter deeply to us as human beings.

    Despite knowing it’s an AI, a machine, not a “sane human” talking, we still believe its kind words. We want to hear praise, to have our fears and feelings validated. And we keep coming back for more.

    This shows an interesting phenomenon: the human brain is wired to be seen and heard, no matter who it is from.

    Why Kind Words Matter

    Throughout history, humans have been drawn to psychology, astrology, tarot, and numerology. Some followers turn to them to know the future. But many simply want to feel known.

    Think of any sun sign or name-based reading. Beyond predictions (rolling eyes), they usually describe personality traits like strengths, quirks, weaknesses. And most of the time, they emphasize the positives.

    People end up hearing things about themselves that they may never have heard from loved ones.

    For example:

    “An X sun sign person is sincere and disciplined. They are go-getters, ambitious, natural leaders, and liked by all. They are charming and reliable, though sometimes impatient.”

    Now imagine reading this the day after you failed at something. You might mock it. You might not believe it. But somewhere, it makes you feel better. You reread it, just for that comfort.

    Because often, those who seek such words are people who never got the kind words they deserved.

    The Power of Words from Loved Ones

    Now imagine these same words (true or not, who knows) spoken by someone you love deeply. The impact is undeniable. You may even start embodying them, because the person you love sees you that way.

    And yet, in many cultures (especially South-Asian ones), we undervalue the role of words. We think love is enough. We believe in actions, sometimes not even that. Sometimes we assume our mere existence is enough.

    But technology and psychology, especially therapy, show us otherwise. To be seen and heard is healing.

    Maybe that’s why confession (in Christianity, with all its spiritual significance) feels healing. Even unseen, a person speaks, and a person listens. That act alone is powerful. Our words become more important than our physical appearance and actions.

    Maybe that’s why cultures have speeches for every occasion. Why a eulogy matters so much. Does the dead wait to hear something at last, before moving on peacefully?

    Finding Words, Finding Healing

    In the end, there is an easy way and a hard way to live. The hope will always be to find people who give us space to speak, and who find the right words to whisper back when we cannot hear ourselves in the noise of life.

    But until we find them, I am okay with ChatGPT being my friend, philosopher, and guide.

  • When Life Feels Like a Panic Room

    Behold this image!

    A surgeon after performing a 10 hour surgery, comes out of the operation theatre. He takes a sigh. Things are still critical. But he doesn’t give these expressions when he is in the operation theatre, where everyone is looking at him for his work and prowess.

    He also doesn’t show his pauses in front of the patient’s relatives. He does it when the people who look up to him, can’t see him.

    He doesn’t want them to shake their confidence in him.

    He probably wouldn’t even have felt like sighing when he was in the operation theatre itself. The pressure wouldn’t have let him relax or take a short break just to realign himself at all.

    So, in the same way, you don’t sigh inside the very room where the problem lives.

    Imagine there is a heavy discussion or argument going on, you are sort of the neutral person or the unsaid umpire of the situation. You are swept up in all the heavy emotions in the room that demand your 100% attention.

    But it doesn’t mean your nervous system isn’t asking for a break. We need time to realign, process and ruminate our thoughts. That small sigh is an example of a short yet significant break.

    When we are in the room with the red light on, we may not want to tell people that there is something critical going on, through our expressions.Lest, they might get nervous and tense even more.

    We may foresee bigger trouble ahead, but we hold the calm of the room intact before dropping the weight of heavy information.

    And sometimes the situation is so urgent, you can’t imagine anything else, but to remain present in that situation.

    But something happens when you step out of your frame of reference. Something changes significantly, even for a second.
    Something which was mentioned by Daniel Kahneman, in ‘thinking fast and slow’. The moment our frame changes, mostly it’s the panic room itself, we suddenly become aware of the heaviness.

    There is heavy weight on our shoulders but we also feel we can put it down, for a bit. Before we could find the courage to put it back up again.

    Maybe that’s how being in a tough phase and getting through it feels.

    When we are in it, we can’t catch a breath. We are so deep in it, we can’t think of anything else in the world. It makes us panic and lose our strength, bringing us to our wits’ end.

    But is there something which can temporarily fix this frame, just like stepping out of the panic room?

    I think those transient breaks are people/friends/family. It could be a hobby, it’s a vacation. Sometimes work too!

    It could be a book or a movie or a night of standup comedy!

    Something or anything which lets you dissociate and detach from the imminent problem, for a bit. Something which gives you a chance to feel yourself, process the situation and your emotions about it.

    This change is pertinent for your emotional resilience. Yes, we are built to last. But we are not built without pit stops.

    When life feels like a Panic room, you need a break. #thoughtsdenbyneha

    We need to recharge. Maybe the capacity of everyone is different.

    We still haven’t been able to make a perpetual machine, let alone a human body!

    Do not hesitate to catch your breath. When going gets really tough, step out of your room.

    Yes, you have to step into it again, eventually, but recharging before going in, might give you a fresh set of perspectives and energy to solve the situation in the room again.

    What is life, if not a vast healthcare center!

    At any given time, some room is always blinking, asking for help?

  • Be the Ancestor Your Children Will Thank

    As an adult with a family, if your version of devotion of parents is to follow their life to the T, not changing your lifestyle or locations, mimicking their (unhealthy) life, routine, financial and social choices etc. and expecting your family to do so too, then this stream of thought is for you.

    Ask yourself would you still eat raw meat, just because your ancestors ate in their times, which they did, (they had no knowledge and option).

    I don’t think so!

    That’s because you are already exposed to cooked food (with fancy spices and all), raw veggies and fruits (you need your fibres babe!) and just more hygienic food. We still can’t win against all the pathogens you see!

    You would not eat raw meat for one main reason it could be unhygienic, with disease carrying germs. And, though I am a vegetarian, I assume it would be difficult to chew in the first place. 

    The exposure to better food, cooked food came from knowledge, the growth of civilization. While we respect the difficult old times, we would prefer moving with the times and continue to make better and learned choices. We are already teaming up against processed foods and sugar!

    Now, if at all your love for your parents and ancestry suggests you to follow them without considering the consequences of it on yourself and your family, whether it hampers your child growth, safety and future opportunities, then you my friend are a blind follower!

    You were raised through manipulation and by selfish, insecure parents who can’t think beyond their own needs, unintentionally.

    One would think if everyone else, a plethora of people are making it in the older ways then we can too!

    First describe ‘making it’! If you are unable to chatgpt it!

    Also, this just shows how devoid of critical thinking we are. Not everyone has the choice, but if everybody had an option, then you know the answer.

    As a fan of Interstellar, one thing always stayed with me. Cooper (played by my favorite Matthew McConaughey) promised his daughter Murphy (played by Jessica Chastain), not his father, Donald, that he would come back. And, it was the daughter who trusted his father that he would keep his promise, such is the amount of trust children expect/have on their parents. Cooper became the ‘parent/father’ we all need and worship.

    Now, inarguably the first rule of parenting is what is best for my children, because you brought them into this world. Period. It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe the nuances of psychology but God of every religion is exactly doing that for us, His children, the best in every way possible. You can’t fight this fact in any realm, Earth or spiritual.

    There is no other relationship which requires your accountability as this one does. Everything else is a seasoning in the pizza of life. 

    Our great grandparents probably used the same method on our parents. To bind in mental chains, something that one can’t break easily without feeling guilty, despite knowing they are right. That’s how blind cults are made, that’s what an insecure leader would do, emotional blackmailing.

    To keep the flock together, you bring a dog of manipulation and guilt, the fear of abandonment and failure, and even a rational thinker strong sheep would be afraid to leave.

    There is nothing more selfless than raising a child. Making changes in your life for your children is an act of bravery and hope. It sends a message to the society that we matter. These children are the future adults, they will learn it is always human first, material second.

    No amount of wealth can equate the bliss of your people, healthy and thriving.

    Any ounce of people pleasing is detrimental to a child’s growth. Not only as a parent you would make wrong decisions but also your children will also learn it from you.

    They will learn that appeasement is more important than logic, that the past is more important than the future. That, the facade of happiness matters more than real happiness, that we as humans matter less and theatrics matter more.

    Any logical reasoning in this context, for the present and future (children, partner) and the past (parents), will nudge towards making difficult decisions.

    For example, imagine you left your village where your parents and their parents grew up, for better job opportunities. And today, whenever you visit the village, you compare lives at both places naturally. The village hasn’t changed much and still doesn’t promise an overall good life, except a feeling of hometown and nostalgia.

    In the context of the future, it is highly likely you would prefer a bigger city with the hope of better infrastructure, education possibility, healthcare and your own job. 

    This is not against the village! This understanding, if things are not attuned to your present and future needs, if you can’t cater to your loved ones’ needs, it is better to move on from anything non-living. 

    Yes, you can still love your hometown, but you answer your posterity now, not your ancestry (it will be weird if you can).

    You are the ancestor your kids would talk about. The ancestors who made grand changes are always revered more, if that gives you a high. 

    And, even if there is no one praising you and if your family’s health and happiness is ensured, take those decisions, whatever that means. 

    Family means everyone, parents, partner, and children, whoever is dependent on your decisions.

    If their happiness requires moving to the moon or mountains, to the beach or the desert, Move!

    It is entirely up to your family, but in no way a flimsy excuse of love of a place is enough, it has to work out in all scenarios.

    No love is big enough to help you just survive your things.

    Human potential reaches its zenith when it is thriving not surviving. 

    The choice Oh learned (Wo)Man is yours!

  • Why Kindness Is the Selfish Person’s Power Play

    A law of nature (1⇔1), foretold by Uncle Newton, action is equal to reaction, you get what you give. Never thought physics class was actually a sociology class too.

    When it comes to understanding how the world works, those who have mastered their quid pro quo muscle, the connoisseurs of transactional relationships, have aced how kindness is used in this selfish world. They have learnt how to make it in this world, sometimes even without any real talent.

    Why should I care about others?

    You ought to help others, if you need help. You ought to pass the ball if you want to receive one in your hand again. Sometimes even bigger than what you gave.

    You leave to be somewhere else, you take things and people out of your life to make room for new things and people in your life.

    Flow is the essence of life.

    Hence, this simple strategy, if you naturally aren’t finding motivation to endorse kindness in your heart, be nice if you are selfish.

    Be kind to others, if you want to only benefit from this world. 

    Is this karma? Maybe, if it calms you. But it’s just how social dynamics work.

    Is this a satire or a hard fact ?

    Both! It’s up to the altitude level of your soul, whichever soothes it more.

    Let’s dig a little deeper!

    I often meet people who are so tired of this world, whining about the way people have stopped benefiting them. The people they helped never helped them back. Or just in general, a constant need of entitlement they carry, like the world owes them something.

    I will not say I don’t find it diabolical but with time I have learnt every negative outlook towards life stems from a basic need remaining unmet. 

    Looking back to the things from where they have started to affect us is a better way to work out the present problem.

    Introspection and acceptance is the key to true happiness.

    Easier said than done, I know!

    The problem is for so many reasons we are unable to connect to our own selves, to look at our own conscience and with keen eyes, we definitely avoid that. It’s work. It’s guilt. Probably shame. Conditioning, who knows, may not be just one reason for this lax attitude.

    Anyway, coming back to kindness v/s selfishness.

    What we have to understand and accept, people gain more from being kind even when they inherently believe it’s better to be selfish.

    The facade of kindness sells better. People when they think you are kind, they almost consider you stupid, and would approach you more. Bam! Good for networking and business. But in the long run, you meet people who are as broken by this world, yet as kind as you. You can build your tribe like that.

    Like begets like.

    This passing the kindness parcel doesn’t stop at this. You keep on helping others in return for something, you still get your work done, plus you owe something to someone. 

    In the long term, less chances of people denying you a favour. You are the first person who comes to mind for being resourceful, and the easiest way for personal branding. You will be remembered for more than one reason, good for you always.

    If you were a business owner and your product/service was subpar, even then people would come to you and prefer working with you because you have shown them kindness before.

    They find you non-threatening. Unless you are the Godfather, where you were considered kind and fearsome both. (Take a bow, Marlon Brando as Don Corleone)

    This is exactly how communities build. Even though the ideal suggestion is to help because you want to be a good samaritan.

    But even if for whatever reason you are not able to channel your inner goodness, summon your strategic evil planning brain and help because it will come to you in return, especially when you’d need it the most.

    If not the same person who you helped, sometimes they are not available, or resourceful or they have not cracked the code of being kind in this selfish world, someone else would rush to your aid for sure.

    Word of advice here

    Don’t you forget the face of the person who couldn’t show up when you expected them to though. You have to know whether they thought you were stupid or genuinely struggling themselves, so you are prepared to not be fooled for the next time.

    While practising kindness, you actually shouldn’t become a public hose or a punching bag.

    And this is how we understand how boomerang effect is prevalent in social life. Since your story of kindness is already known, people know you are a ‘good’ person who helps, someone will come to your help.

    And because everyone has received help some way or the other from someone in the community, there is a higher chance they would be motivated to help others when required.

    They all want to get on the wagon of kindness because that’s the social norm. The FOMO is real. No matter how we achieve this ‘community with kindness’ goal, the long or the short way, we all win.

    And, that’s the whole point of all of humanity.
    To be there, for one another.

    Another solid reason to be kind:

    On a serious spiritual note, kindness is powerful. Kindness heals people, both ways. The one who helped, feels powerful and resourceful, he finds meaning in his existence and the value he has because of his work and presence.his inner cup is filled.

    At the same time the person who received help, understands there is goodness in this world. He can rely on others , he’s not alone. A trust in the community is reinforced.

    A caution though:

    To think you can  pretend to be kind when you never think about others, to only help people who can do something for you in return, might get you everywhere materialistically, but peace is far fetched.

    True peace comes when we help someone, who doesn’t even believe or think they could be helped. Helping those who can only cry to god for help, those whose tears can’t be seen and voices which can’t be heard. Being kind to those even after the help probably can’t even thank you because of whatever reason, but you know you did something utterly human.

    Anyway, this preaching can take the whole day.

    So now back to today’s business!

    Again, why kindness is worth the effort in the long run:

    One would ask, is kindness “work”?

    Yes! A whole lot of it.

    But it reaps more benefits than you a lone selfish person could ever achieve. The world works on familiarity and networking.

    This is how nepotism works.This is what corruption and lack of integrity has done.This is how it’s easy for big businesses to favour each other.

    You help people, you are remembered, and then you have access to these people for more than just a kind deed.

    Think think you selfish gremlin! Be kind and be happy! 

    If you can’t find it in your heart to be kind, use your head. 

    And you will see how many closed doors it can open, including your own heart, hopefully someday.

  • The Painting Was Never Supposed to Be Neat

    In the workshop of life, you get a full palette of colors. Some are probably more abundant than others. The supply of every color keeps changing with the seasons of life.

    The brush is in your hand, and so is the choice which color to use, and how much.

    While painting on the canvas, you don’t worry about how much color will be left. You draw and use colors based on your imagination, your needs, envisioning what would make the final work beautiful.

    If you were to start saving or overusing a color, the painting wouldn’t turn out the way you expected.

    If someone told you or you read somewhere that your painting should have a lot of yellow, using it might not feel true to you.

    And sometimes, just by looking at someone else’s painting, you might feel inspired to add more brown, which ends up adding a kind of magic to your own work that you never even expected.

    In any case, if your painting is made based on suggestions and thoughts that don’t feel true or honest to you, then even if it looks beautiful, you may not fully connect with it because you compromised its authenticity. Your own imagination. Your own expectations.

    Isn’t that how the story of life is?

    Worrying about our emotions, our blessings, the resources we’ve been given.

    Worrying about what others tell us, how we’re supposed to live, what the final look of our life should be.

    What happiness should look like without ever asking ourselves.

    And when we go by what others say, or follow the conditioning that life is about perfection, we start worrying about emptying the containers of colors given to us and so we overuse them.

    And sometimes the scarcity scares us, and we start saving them because someone told us that using them will take our security away.

    Then they remain unutilized.

    Unlived.

    Hoarding never brought any joy.

    And that’s the point.

    There is a perfect ratio for this beautiful creation.

    You don’t disturb it by worrying about wastage or usage.

    But does everyone know what that perfect ratio is?

    I doubt it.

    Our life is an evolving piece of work.

    Based on our circumstances, the mix of colors we use keeps changing. Our imagination of the final look of the canvas keeps changing too.

    So what do we do? Should we worry about getting it right from the start?

    Probably we can’t.

    But what we can do is give it our 100%, make it 100% authentic, 100% ours.

    Use what is given to us by choice, not by someone else’s expectations.

    Like a painting, life remains fluid.

    Ever moving. Ever changing. Ever evolving.

    It doesn’t matter how efficient we were in the process of living it with our abilities, blessings, and circumstances.

    The point is:

    Do we like the final outcome of it?

    Do we feel ourselves in it?

    Nobody can tell me if my painting should have more green or yellow.

    Nor should I worry about the leftover orange.

    I’ll paint what my heart says.

    Even if it’s just black and white.