Tag: mentalhealth

  • “At Least” सोच की परेशानी

    आजकल की सोसाइटीज़ में कृतज्ञता की संस्कृति धीरे-धीरे “at least” वाली सबकल्चर से दबती जा रही है। यह सबकल्चर अक्सर बुनियादी इंसानी शालीनता के न्यूनतम स्तर को भी पूरा नहीं करती, खासकर toxic रिश्तों और communities में।

    Gratitude और “At Least” का फर्क
    जब हम life में struggles face करते हैं, तो positivity ढूंढने की कोशिश करते हैं। Gratitude का मतलब है उन छोटी-छोटी blessings को recognize करना जो हमें hope देती हैं। यह एक अंदरूनी journey होती है, जो हमें survival से ऊपर उठने और life की अच्छाइयों को appreciate करने में मदद करती है।

    लेकिन जब बात relationships की आती है—खासकर toxic relationships—तो genuine gratitude को weaponize कर दिया जाता है। इसे distort करके “at least” जैसे शब्दों में बदल दिया जाता है। ये phrases अक्सर struggling person की feelings को invalidate करने और उनके दर्द को trivial बनाने के लिए use होती हैं।

    For example, अगर कोई toxic relationship में अपनी dissatisfaction या neglect express करता है, तो जवाब आता है, “At least वो तुम्हें मारते नहीं,” या “At least वो तुम्हारी financial needs पूरी करते हैं।” ये statements उस व्यक्ति की emotional needs और love language को ignore करती हैं और उन्हें टुकड़ों

    पर satisfy होने को कहती हैं, जबकि वो पूरी रोटी deserve करते हैं।

    “At Least” की Problem
    “At least” वाली सोच का सबसे बड़ा problem यह है कि यह bare minimum तक नहीं पहुंचती। यह neglect और underperformance को justify करती है और accountability को deflect करके suffering person पर burden डालती है। इससे message जाता है कि improvement ज़रूरी नहीं है, बस condemnation avoid करने के लिए minimum effort करना काफी है।

    यह toxic mindset सिर्फ relationships तक सीमित नहीं है। Societies में भी जब powerful लोग underperform करते हैं, तो उनका defense होता है, “At least they’re doing something.” इस mindset से accountability undermine होती है और mediocrity normalize हो जाती है।

    True Gratitude और Accountability
    “To move beyond the toxicity of ‘at least,’ हमें gratitude और accountability के balance को reimagine करना होगा। True gratitude का मतलब है अच्छाइयों को appreciate करना, लेकिन growth और improvement की possibilities को recognize करना।

    हमें relationships और societies में ऐसी culture को promote करना होगा जहां लोग अपने best selves बनने के लिए inspired हों। Mutual respect और empathy से भरा environment ही complacency (आत्मसंतोष)को challenge कर सकता है।

    Conclusion
    “At least” की toxic culture को सुधार, सहानुभूति और आपसी सम्मान वाली culture से replace करना ज़रूरी है। कृतज्ञता और जवाबदेही साथ coexist कर सकते हैं—दोनों एक-दूसरे की cost पर नहीं आने चाहिए। जब हम यह balance adopt करते हैं, तो हम ऐसी societies की ओर बढ़ते हैं जहां हर व्यक्ति उन्नति कर सके, expectations को lower करके नहीं, बल्कि उन्हें greater good के लिए raise करके।

  • How to Make and Maintain Lifelong Friendships- A Millenial’s Guide

    Friendships are one of life’s greatest joys, but they don’t just happen, they require effort, understanding, and care. Here’s a detailed guide to making and maintaining healthy, close friendships, based on what I’ve learned over the years.

    Making New Friends

    Start with Shared Interests

    When you find someone you’d like to be friends with, connect with them on social media or platforms where you can share similar interests. If you meet regularly (like at work or college or gym), take every chance to hang out. Observe their likes and dislikes, but avoid intruding into their personal space. Speak less, observe more. This helps you understand them better without overwhelming them.

    Stay Connected

    Add them to messaging apps like WhatsApp to keep in touch regularly. Start with casual conversations about the common interests that brought you together. If they seem interested, slowly suggest meeting up. For example, if you both love coffee or playing similar sports, then you could suggest meeting up for those common activities.

    Take It Slow

    Don’t push for meetings too soon. Let it happen naturally, especially if it’s a workplace friendship. Avoid one-on-one meetings until you’re comfortable with each other’s silence. Remember, friendship is about ease. If you’re not sure, stick to group hangouts initially.

    Be Patient

    Aim to meet at least once every two months initially, but don’t take it personally if responses are sporadic. People have busy lives, and it takes time to understand whether someone is introverted or extroverted. Give them the benefit of doubt.

    Maintain Self-Respect

    Keep a bit of self respect/restraint initially to avoid coming off as clingy. Let the friendship develop naturally without forcing it. For example, if they cancel plans, don’t immediately reschedule, wait for them to suggest another time. Sometimes it may take months for you to meet your friend, thats how adult life is. But as long as you are connected and regularly in touch, it is positive sign that friendship is mutual.

    Validate and Appreciate

    Praise your friend often. Let them know you see and hear them. Remember their likes, dislikes, and the little details they share with you. Thank them for the good times you’ve had together. Be kind—sometimes, friends can show a level of kindness even family can’t.

    Here are some gestures to show you care:

    If they’re struggling with their health, show up with fruits or something thoughtful.

    Offer to help with small tasks, like picking up something they need or running an errand.

    Listen without judgment when they vent or share their struggles.

    Celebrate their wins, no matter how small, send a congratulatory text or treat them to coffee.

    Avoid financial entanglements early on, as they can complicate the friendship.

    The key is to make them feel valued and appreciated without overstepping boundaries. Small, thoughtful actions go a long way in building trust and closeness.

    Align Values

    Understand their value system and see if it aligns with yours. Discuss/notice political or moral differences early on to gauge how much divergence you can handle. For example, if they have strong opinions on a topic you disagree with, ask yourself if it’s something you can respect or if it’s a dealbreaker.

    Maintaining the Friendship

    Remember Important Dates

    Set reminders for birthdays and other significant events if you tend to forget. Small gestures like a thoughtful message or a surprise call can make their day.

    Get Involved in Their Life

    Ask about their daily struggles, family, and work. Offer help when you can, even if it’s just checking in to see if they’re okay. Share your own experiences and ensure the friendship isn’t one-sided.

    For example, if they mention their mom is unwell, ask about her the next time you talk. But also notice how much they remember stuff about your life in general. Do they check up on you when you or your loved ones are stuggling? Do they try to understand what bothers you and if they are willing to support you in any capacity during that time. This ensures balance in friendship.

    Stay in Touch Regularly

    Meet at least once every 2-4 months, and have monthly phone /text/video catch-ups. Keep the conversation continuous by asking about ongoing issues or updates. Validate their feelings and avoid preaching unless they ask for advice especially about work or relationships.

    Usually people have a notion that giving unsolicited advice is the mark of a good friend. But when it’s done early on when the trust is not very much built, it seems like intrusion. So one should be really cautious while offering advice on matters which you think are critical for the person like physical or mental health, work, relationships and family. 

    Show Appreciation

    Even if you don’t talk often, send texts once in a while to remind them how much you value their friendship. Compliment the time you’ve spent together and express how much you miss hanging out. For example, you might be crossing one of the cafes they like, and you can text them how fun your last meeting was and you would love to catch up again at their favorite cafe. 

    Let Go of Ego

    At this stage, you can initiate calls and meet-ups without overthinking. Just ensure the effort feels reciprocated. If you’re always the one reaching out, it’s okay to gently bring it up and see if they’re willing to put in more effort.

    Plan Visits

    If you’re in different cities, make it a point to meet when you’re in their town or vice versa. Prioritize seeing each other. For example, if you’re visiting their city, let them know in advance so you can plan a meet-up.

    Involve Families

    Start meeting each other’s families. Let your name become a household name in their life, and invite them into yours. Slowly become a part of each other’s worlds. For example, invite them to family dinners or celebrations.

    Solidifying the Friendship

    Become Family

    At this stage, you’re more than friends, you’re family. Even if you don’t talk for months, you’re still each other’s go-to person. There’s no ego, just love and trust.

    Be There for Each Other

    Help with tasks they’d usually ask family to do, taking them to the hospital, helping with groceries, or caring for their pets, kids, or plants. But only do what you’re comfortable with. For example, if they’re moving, offer to help pack or bring snacks for the team.

    Never promise something out of your comfort zone, but also sometimes you do have to step out of your comfort zone if your friend is struggling. It’s a fine balance between being a helpful friend and taking care of yourself in the process.

    Be Transparent

    If you ever criticize them in front of others, make sure it’s something you’d say to their face too. Honesty and transparency are key. For example, if you joke about their habits in a group, make sure they’re okay with it.

    Shaming your friend is never a sign of intimacy. But a fun banter which you know your friend will be okay with is always a good idea. Humor is what keeps the friendship stronger.

    Stay Connected Across Distances

    If they live abroad, meet at least once a year or whenever you’re in the same country. Give each other undivided attention during these meetings. For example, plan a weekend getaway or spend a whole day catching up. Make sure you both make efforts to see each other.

    Integrate into Each Other’s Lives

    Become a part of their family and vice versa. Their siblings, spouse, and parents should feel comfortable contacting you directly. You should be invited to family events, and your name should hold significance in their household. For example, their mom might call you to check on them if they’re traveling or if they are going through something, their family and loved ones know they can call you about it.

    Things to remember

    Remember at any moment you can’t stop being your authentic self. It’s one thing to make an effort as a friend to help your friend in need, but it’s another level of maturity to retain your true self and identity.

    This way friendship is never a burden and you remain predictable, reliable and trustworthy as a friend. Any friendship is only as strong as the promises that are kept, be it said or unsaid. 

    Make sure you don’t go too haywire with the unsaid expectations of your friendship, at the same time if you feel something is going on, share. If you feel something is going on with your friend, ask.

    But give a lot of time and chances to each other, sometimes years to understand what is going on. It takes a lot of effort to maintain any relationship, because it’s worth it, so be patient while deciding if you want to be friends with someone or if you want to leave a friendship too. 

    Friends build a place in our hearts and leaving them might create a hole which is not easily healed. Adult friendships are as important as building a concrete house. They are meant to last forever only then you can truly rejoice the bliss they bring with them but don’t drag a heavy weight that drains you too. I hope you will find a friend who is like a cozy home to you.

    (Based on My Lived Experience)

  • The Toxicity of “At Least” Culture

    The culture of being grateful is slowly being replaced, or rather overshadowed, by a subculture of “at least,” which often fails to meet even the bare minimum of human decency, especially in the highly toxic societies we inhabit today.

    To put this into perspective, when we’re struggling, we naturally want to find positivity in life. So, we start looking for good things, in situations, in people, in the small moments that give us hope.

    Gratitude, in this sense, becomes an internal journey. It helps us rise above mere survival and feel worthy of the blessings in our lives, many of which others might only dream of.

    But when we shift to relationships, especially toxic ones, whether at the community or family level, this genuine gratitude is often weaponized. It gets sugarcoated, distorted, and replaced with the word “at least.”

    This phrase is then used to invalidate the feelings of the struggling person, turning their pain and longing for love into something trivial.

    Instead of addressing the root of the issue, “at least” becomes a way to silence, minimize, and dismiss.

    For instance, when someone in a toxic relationship expresses dissatisfaction or emotional neglect, they might be met with phrases like, “At least they don’t hit you,” or “At least they provide for you.”

    These statements diminish the person’s needs, invalidate their love languages, and imply that they should be content with crumbs when they deserve the whole loaf.

    This is not to deny that there are exceptions, some individuals might truly be narcissistic or overly self-centered, always fixated on their own needs.

    However, in most cases, the “at least” culture reflects a systemic failure to acknowledge the emotional and physical well-being of those who depend on us.

    The problem with “at least” is that it often doesn’t even meet the bare minimum. It excuses underperformance, justifies neglect, and absolves responsibility.

    By using “at least” as a defense, the burden of improvement is shifted from the person who should be accountable to the one already suffering. It sends the message that striving to do better isn’t necessary, as long as one does the absolute least to avoid outright condemnation.

    This toxic mindset isn’t limited to interpersonal relationships, it’s deeply ingrained in societal structures. When those in positions of power underperform or fail to fulfill their duties, toxic societies quickly defend them with arguments like, “At least they’re doing something.”

    This rhetoric not only undermines accountability but also perpetuates a culture of mediocrity, where improvement becomes an afterthought rather than a priority.

    The damage of “at least” lies in its ability to stifle growth and diminish the potential for positive change. It creates an environment where people settle for less, stop striving to be their best, and feel justified in placing their burdens on others.

    It normalizes complacency and discourages meaningful efforts to be better, whether as partners, leaders, or even human beings.

    To move beyond the toxicity of “at least,” we must reimagine what gratitude means. True gratitude is about appreciating the good in our lives while recognizing areas for growth and improvement. It’s about valuing others’ efforts while holding them accountable for the roles they play in our lives.

    It’s about finding balance, celebrating what’s good without tolerating what’s harmful.

    Instead of settling for the lowest benchmarks, we must strive for a culture where everyone feels valued and respected.

    We must cultivate environments that encourage people to be their best selves, not through shame or pressure, but through mutual respect and empathy.

    When we stop using “at least” as a justification for mediocrity, we open the door to healthier relationships, better leadership, and stronger communities.

    The key is to challenge complacency and embrace a mindset of continuous growth. By expecting more from ourselves and others, we can foster a society where genuine effort and accountability are the norms, not exceptions.

    Conclusion
    The culture of “at least” must be replaced by a culture of improvement, empathy, and mutual respect.

    Gratitude and accountability can coexist, one doesn’t have to come at the expense of the other.

    When we embrace this balance, we move closer to building a world where every individual can thrive, not by lowering our expectations, but by continually raising them for the greater good of all.

  • The Paradox of Spontaneity

    Now and then, I meet people who mirror a part of me. Like me, they are adrift, navigating life without a clear destination. We belong to a group that doesn’t dream in blueprints or grand visions.

    We’re not marathon runners with meticulously mapped-out strategies for success. Instead, we’re 100-meter sprinters, racing toward the nearest goal, a carrot dangling just out of reach, while being tethered to reins we can’t even see.

    Older generations often seem eager to guide the youth or perhaps they’re searching for guidance themselves through these conversations.

    They ask us, “What’s your goal? Do you know where your life is headed? Do you have a roadmap?” It’s ironic, though. Many of them neglect their own health, skip their medications and healthy habits, and act as though they can regain control of life whenever they choose.

    They ridicule younger generations for living a reckless and unplanned life, all while stumbling through life in much the same way.

    Do humans ever truly grow wiser with age, or do we simply shift our blind spots?

    Taking a step back, I wonder: Is it really so bad not to have everything figured out?

    If it is, then why do we celebrate spontaneity in certain contexts?

    We buy books, attend workshops, and read blogs promising to reignite our spark, in life, in our careers, and even in our relationships. Yet outside of those contexts, spontaneity is so often dismissed.

    In a career, spontaneity is labeled as randomness or recklessness, unless it leads to success. Then it’s rebranded as “risk-taking.” In love, spontaneity might be celebrated as playfulness or condemned as instability and deceit.

    In daily life, it’s often seen as a sign of madness. And in fashion? If you’re a trendsetter, your choices are revolutionary. If you’re not, it’s just bad taste.

    We seem obsessed with contradicting ourselves. The books we read aren’t meant to translate directly into real life.

    We don’t actually want to be our ideal selves; we just want to dream about what we could become. Why? Is it fear of failure? Or is it the vulnerability of exposing who we really are?

    Maybe the real question is this: Are we ready to show up as we are? To live unapologetically, embracing our passions and desires without fear of judgment? Or will we remain tethered to expectations, dreaming of freedom while clinging to the reins?

    The answer, I suppose, lies in whether we’re willing to stand metaphorically naked before the world, shedding the layers of what we’re supposed to be and finally becoming who we are.

  • Are You Ignoring the Silent Killer of Your Peace and Health?

    It’s high time we started talking about our difficult emotions, those that scare us, unsettle us, and weigh us down.

    Anxiety, for instance, can be crippling. Yet instead of burying it deep within, it’s crucial to acknowledge and express it, allowing it to escape from our system. When we suppress negative emotions like anger, stress, or fear for too long, our nervous system begins to operate on autopilot.

    The body enters a state of defense, pulling us further away from our true selves. In such conditions, we often feel like nothing more than a spinning top, lost, directionless, and vulnerable.

    Whether it’s anxiety, fear, or anger, every emotion needs to be labelled and validated. Suppressing these feelings, sometimes so deeply that they sink into our subconscious, can have dire consequences. Research now strongly indicates that chronically suppressing stressful emotions is a significant factor in the development of long-term illnesses.

    Studies on chronic illnesses consistently point to stress as one of the major contributors to lifestyle diseases.

    Yet, as a society, we cling to the belief that denying our emotions, even to ourselves, will somehow make them disappear. This toxic mindset, deeply ingrained in our collective behavior, encourages people to ignore their struggles. Occasionally, brushing aside difficult emotions might work if you have a healthy nervous system and robust coping mechanisms. But repeatedly doing so puts immense pressure on the nervous system.

    It’s not a case of “fake it till you make it”, because one day, your body might no longer cope, and it will collapse in ways you least expect.

    When emotions are suppressed, the body responds through mechanisms known as freeze, fawn, fight, or flight. These responses often build hidden traumas, for example,space trauma, financial trauma, scarcity trauma, and more, that lie dormant until triggered. Over time, this constant state of defense becomes habitual for the nervous system.

    Triggers that remain unacknowledged or unlabeled wreak havoc when they resurface, disrupting our lives unexpectedly. Gradually, these triggers begin to define us, embedding themselves into our personalities. However, the truth is that triggers are controllable, with consistent practice, support, and professional help.

    The need of the hour is to recognize and embrace the concept of a healthy nervous system. It’s equally important to know when to seek help and to stop shaming those who do.

    Mental stress should be treated with the same urgency and seriousness as physical stress, for which we often seek immediate medical attention. Recognizing the problem is, in fact, half the solution.

    Here’s hoping society realizes that the brain and body or mind and body, are not separate entities. Both need care, attention, and balance to lead a truly healthy and happy life.