Category: English

  • Self-Care Is Not Selfish

    History has not been kind to those who cannot advocate for themselves.

    Life and health, too, unfortunately, are unkind to those who devote themselves to others without attending to their own needs.

    Caretakers, for instance, often neglect their health because they lack the mental bandwidth or willpower to prioritize themselves.

    While they might know exactly how to care for others, planning meals, appointments, and exercises for their loved ones, they often fail to apply that same care to themselves.

    Self-care is often misunderstood. For many, it feels selfish or indulgent, especially in a society that glorifies sacrifice and selflessness.

    However, the truth is that self-care is one of the most selfless things you can do. Why? Because only when you care for yourself can you truly take care of others.

    Who is a caretaker? A caretaker is not just someone looking after an ailing or struggling person physically or mentally; it is anyone who pours themselves out to meet someone else’s needs.

    This includes a parent caring for a child, a working professional supporting their family, or a person managing both their job and an aging pet. The examples are endless.

    Being a caretaker is one of the most sacrificial roles a person can take on, but it is also one of the most self-sabotaging. The body and brain work in mysterious ways.

    When you are constantly focused on others, your own needs often fade into the background.

    Basic necessities required for a healthy mind and body, like exercise, nutritious food, and good sleep habits are ignored. Over time, this neglect takes a serious toll on physical and mental health, leading to chronic illnesses, particularly lifestyle disorders like hypertension, obesity, diabetes, and mental health struggles.

    Research has even linked prolonged stress due to neglected self-care with an increased risk of serious conditions like cancer.

    It takes immense grit, intention, and discipline to practice self-care, perhaps even more than it takes to care for someone else.

    Yet, without it, you risk burning out, becoming irritable, or even resenting the very people you are trying to help.

    You become the person you least pay attention to, and this neglect has consequences.

    If you are a parent, this may affect your parenting style. As a health caretaker, it impacts the healing environment of the home where you reside with the patient.

    This raises the question: is it wrong to prioritize yourself? Absolutely not.

    In fact, it is essential. Self-care is the foundation of effective caregiving and healthy relationships. It’s not about ignoring others’ needs but ensuring that you are strong enough to meet them.

    After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

    Unfortunately, societal attitudes make this even more difficult. We often glorify self-sacrifice to the point where those who prioritize their well-being are seen as selfish.

    But for those who are self-reliant or caring for others, self-care is a lifeline. It’s about maintaining the physical, emotional, and mental capacity to live meaningfully and support others effectively.

    At the same time, seeking help should be normalized and celebrated. Many people, including caretakers, struggle in silence because they feel they must manage everything alone.

    Yet, asking for support is not a sign of weakness but of courage, it shows trust in one’s community.

    This is why we must foster a culture where offering help is instinctive, even when it is not explicitly asked for. A simple offer of assistance can go a long way in reminding caretakers that they are not alone, that their struggles are seen and acknowledged.

    However, instead of encouraging practical support, society tends to glorify those who carry the burden alone to the brink of burnout. They are labeled as superheroes, praised for their endurance rather than helped in meaningful ways.

    For example, mothers juggling work and childcare without assistance are often called “wonder women” rather than being offered support. Instead of recognizing their struggle as a lesson in the need for communal care, we turn it into an inspiration for others to endure similar hardships.

    We celebrate perseverance, yet we fail to teach the importance of seeking or providing help.

    Ironically, while we admire success and ambition, we rarely consider empathy a skill worth cultivating. Internships and training programs focus on financial or professional growth, but who teaches us to support those silently struggling?

    The burden of caregiving often falls to those who grew up in difficult circumstances, not because they were taught how to handle it but because they had no choice.

    The lesson here is clear: to provide meaningful support, we must first be capable ourselves. Prioritizing self-care is not selfish; it is the most compassionate thing we can do for those who depend on us.

    We must foster an environment where taking care of our minds and bodies is guilt-free, while also ensuring that we uplift those who cannot do so themselves.

    Ultimately, self-care is about balance. It’s about recognizing that your well-being matters just as much as anyone else’s.

    It’s about creating a world where everyone, caretakers and those they care for, can thrive.

    And it starts with a simple but profound realization: you cannot help others unless you help yourself first.

  • The Illusion of Self-Sustainability: Why We Need Each Other

    Why I Don’t Want People to Solve All Their Problems on Their Own

    This is the 21st century, the era of ‘freedom’, ‘liberation from the dogmatic clutches of society’, and ‘independence from orthodox thoughts that hold people back’, or so we had hoped. But what have we actually become?

    ‘Independent’, ‘self-reliant’, not because these are the highest human values, but because our trust in others has eroded so profoundly. Ironic, isn’t it?

    Society was meant to evolve in a way that made human life easier, allowing us to spend less time on survival and more on higher pursuits, spiritual, intellectual, or even pleasure-seeking.

    Technological advancements were supposed to serve this goal, making our lives simpler so we could focus on building stronger, healthier communities.

    But instead of using our knowledge and progress to bring people together, we are weaponizing them to break down societies.

    Rather than fostering camaraderie, we are fueling cynicism, paranoia, and a worldview where other humans are seen as obstacles rather than allies.

    Historians may not have emphasized this enough, but community is not a luxury, it is a necessity. Even a digital community can offer immense support to its members.

    Yet, we were sold the idea that being a good human is optional, that we only need others as a matter of choice. However, research over the past few decades has continually proven that humans cannot function in isolation.

    From birth to even after death, where people continue to honor their ancestors, believing that love and responsibility transcend realms, our existence is deeply interwoven with others.

    The Fallacy of Self-Sustainability

    Today, we are increasingly told that we must be entirely self-sufficient: grow our own food, stitch our own clothes, maintain peak health so we never need external medical care, and even grow our own medicines if we fall sick.

    If we crave community, we are advised to chant mantras to remind ourselves that we were born alone and will die alone (which, ironically, is a misinterpretation of that ideology).

    The ultimate goal, it seems, is to live in isolation, rejecting society altogether.

    But should a life goal be so alienating that it requires us to forsake our true selves? Isn’t it already evident that people become bitter when they stray too far from their inherent social nature?

    We have all encountered so-called self-reliant or spiritually ‘enlightened’ individuals who appear emotionally hardened, untouched by human warmth.

    Have they mistaken detachment for strength?

    Do they believe that even God doesn’t cry?

    The problem with self-sustainability and extreme independence is that it distances us from other humans. The idea is often rooted in mistrust, fear, and cynicism rather than true empowerment.

    Yes, corruption and untrustworthiness exist. Yes, adulteration, unethical behavior, and deceit are real. But instead of fiercely advocating for a return to ethics, empathy, and accountability, we are retreating into isolated cocoons. The result?

    People cut themselves off, not just from toxic environments, but sometimes even from their own families and communities.

    The Natural Order: A Lesson from Biology

    Nature itself does not operate on self-sufficiency.

    The first example of the division of labor comes from biological evolution, the development of complex organ systems that work together to sustain life. Plants and animals thrive through intricate interdependencies.

    If we were meant to be entirely self-reliant, we would have remained amoebas, unicellular, shapeless, and alone.

    But we are not alone. Neither at a cellular level nor on a universal scale.

    So why this obsession with ‘making it to the end’ alone?

    The Psychological and Social Consequences

    Psychologists have documented countless cases of individuals struggling with mental and emotional distress, and one recurring factor hindering their healing is a lack of a healthy community.

    It is unrealistic to expect people to thrive in toxic environments, but the solution should not be complete isolation. Instead, the goal should be to build and nurture spaces where trust and authenticity can flourish.

    This goes beyond mental health, it extends to social well-being, too. Farmers grow our food. Businesses provide goods and services. Consumers drive economies. At every level of this chain, we are interconnected.

    A strong community is only as trustworthy and ethical as its members. Yet, the prevailing narrative tells us to disengage rather than repair, to abandon rather than rebuild.

    The Frustration Feedback Loop

    Conversations about modern life increasingly revolve around how difficult it is to rely on others. As a result, people turn inward, believing they must handle everything themselves.

    But this isn’t coming from a place of enlightenment, it stems from frustration and disillusionment. When others fail to meet basic expectations of cooperation and decency, the response is often, “If I can’t count on them, then I won’t be there for anyone either.”

    This creates a dangerous cycle. As trust erodes, people stop holding themselves accountable to others.

    The growing sentiment of “Let the world burn as long as my house is safe” is becoming not only acceptable but encouraged.

    There Is Still Hope

    Yet, all is not lost. There are still people who believe in the power of community, who understand that the most profound human experiences come not from isolation but from togetherness.

    We must share the blame collectively and spread hope collectively.

    Our core human nature, shaped by millennia of evolution, proves that we cannot thrive alone.

    A community is not just about collecting ‘likes’ on social media; it is about the people you share your days with, the ones who stand by you until the very end.

    It’s time to rethink what independence truly means. It should not be about detaching from others out of fear or disillusionment but about building relationships where trust, cooperation, and interdependence thrive.

    Only then can we move forward, not as fragmented individuals, but as a society that truly understands the strength of standing together.

  • Life Runs on Attention—Are You Paying Enough?

    Life is about attention.

    The first thing you learn about parenting is attention. From the very first second, a child craves attention. It is an evolutionary need for an offspring to seek attention because it is imperative for its survival.

    A human child is 200% dependent on its parents or caretakers. As a result, parents must constantly observe their young ones for any signs of need or discomfort.

    But does this basic need for attention truly disappear as we grow older?

    Call it what you may, no matter how much money or technology we accumulate, community and human support remain vital to our happiness.

    Humans may be able to survive with machines, but thriving, that is,building meaningful lives, requires connection.

    And yet, there’s a separate discussion to be had about whether a life that is merely survived is worth living.

    The need for attention evolves as we age. Its forms change, but the fundamental need to feel seen, heard, and cared for remains the same. However, as a community, we often fail to recognize the importance of attention, both in giving and receiving it.

    Three cheers for self-reliance and independence, but to what extent?

    To the extent that we isolate ourselves, believing we are above the need for community?

    Or to the point where we feel outcast, unable to integrate with those around us?

    Life, in many ways, is where the attention is. A person’s well-being, a business’s success, or a community’s strength often depends on whether and where problems are being attended to.

    But this raises deeper questions: how are we as individuals and as a society distributing our attention?

    Are we prioritizing what matters most, or are we leaving essential needs unattended while focusing on trivialities?

    The act of paying attention is a profound one. It demands presence, empathy, and action.

    As a community, we must learn to share the load. If one person struggles to carry their burdens alone, others who are more capable can step in to help. This collective attention can transform lives, strengthen relationships, and foster a sense of belonging.

    But the first step is recognizing the importance of attention—to ourselves, to others, and to the world around us.

  • When It’s Time To Let Go Of Your Friendship

    This is something which is not really talked about. Not all friendships are meant to last forever. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a friendship can become toxic or one-sided. But there are clear signs when things start to seem off track. Here’s how to recognize when it’s time to let go and move on. 

    Signs It’s Time to Leave a Friendship

    You Feel Drained

    If spending time with them leaves you feeling exhausted, anxious, or self-conscious, it’s a red flag. A good friendship should energize you, not drain you. If you need to take a deep breath before calling them or if you need a break after meeting them, and it’s kind of frequent, then it’s time to give a real thought about what is going on with you two.

    Lack of Reciprocity

    If they don’t make time for you, forget important details about your life, or fail to keep promises, the friendship may be one-sided. For example, if you’re always the one initiating plans or checking in, it’s a sign they’re not putting in the same effort. Again, this has been going on for a long time, and you haven’t been able to understand a reason for it, despite asking them or observing them. For example, when people are going through a difficult situation they either become clingy or isolate themselves. In both cases, a true friend can understand that in a while, just by being patient. But you feel despite your extended understanding, your presence is not valued, then it’s time to rethink.

    Constant Criticism

    If they make you feel like a burden or belittle you under the guise of “motivation,” it’s time to reevaluate. For example, if they constantly point out your flaws or make you feel like you’re not good enough, it’s not healthy. It’s one thing to be your honest critique, and it’s another to make you feel like a loser all the time, sometimes in front of others too.

    Gaslighting and Disrespect

    If they dismiss your feelings, refuse to apologize, or make you feel small, the friendship is no longer healthy. For example, if you tell them something they said hurt you and they respond with, “You’re too sensitive,” it’s a sign they’re not respecting your emotions, and it happens everytime you bring up what’s troubling you about them.

    You’re Not Yourself Around Them

    If you feel constricted or unable to be your authentic self, it’s a sign the friendship has run its course. For example, if you find yourself censoring your thoughts or hiding parts of your life to avoid judgment, it’s not a safe space. You feel they may shame you for your life choices, without understanding your point of view, and it’s a fear in your head to share your real desires with them, then your friend is not your safe-space.

    They Don’t Remember or Care About Your Life

    If they don’t ask about your struggles, forget important events, or seem uninterested in your life, it’s a sign they’re not invested in the friendship. For example, if you’ve been going through a tough time and they haven’t checked in, it’s a red flag. If they keep asking you to tone it down or telling you to move on or big deal when you are clearly struggling then it’s a red flag.

    They Make You Feel Like a Burden

    If they act like tolerating you is a chore or make you feel like no one else would want to be your friend, it’s time to walk away. For example, if they say things like, “You’re lucky I put up with you,” it’s a sign of emotional manipulation. If you feel they are ashamed of you, they feel uncomfortable introducing you to their other friends, then it’s time to reconsider this relationship.

    They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries

    If they constantly push your limits, ignore your requests, or make you feel uncomfortable, it’s a sign they don’t respect you. For example, if you’ve asked them not to share something personal with others, and they do it anyway, it’s a breach of trust.

    Remember it’s never one thing, nor should it be judged on the basis of one off event. The way you spend a long time to realize how much you value your friend the same way you should take time in understanding if the red flags are a permanent feature of your friendship. Also if the burden is too difficult to carry and if it has been a long time, then no point pretending that you still fill each other’s cup.

    How to Let Go Gracefully

    Take a Break

    If you’re unsure about ending the friendship, take a break instead. Distance yourself for a while and see how you feel. Sometimes, space can give you clarity.

    Have an Honest Conversation

    If you feel comfortable, talk to them about how you’re feeling. Be honest but kind. For example, “I’ve been feeling like our friendship has become one-sided, and it’s been hard for me.”

    Set Boundaries

    If you’re not ready to end the friendship completely, set clear boundaries. For example, let them know you need space or that certain behaviors are not okay.

    Let It Fade Naturally

    Sometimes, friendships fade on their own. If they’re not putting in effort, stop reaching out and see if they notice. If they don’t, it’s a sign the friendship has run its course.

    Focus on Healthy Relationships

    Invest your time and energy in friendships that make you feel valued and supported. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and bring out the best in you.

    Final Thoughts

    Friendships are a two-way street. While it’s important to put in effort, it’s equally important to recognize when a friendship is no longer serving you. Letting go of toxic relationships can be hard, but it’s necessary for your mental and emotional well-being and growth.

    Wishing you all happy and fulfilling friendships!

    (Based on My Lived Experience)

  • How to Make and Maintain Lifelong Friendships- A Millenial’s Guide

    Friendships are one of life’s greatest joys, but they don’t just happen—they require effort, understanding, and care. Here’s a detailed guide to making and maintaining healthy, close friendships, based on what I’ve learned over the years.

    Making New Friends

    Start with Shared Interests

    When you find someone you’d like to be friends with, connect with them on social media or platforms where you can share similar interests. If you meet regularly (like at work or college or gym), take every chance to hang out. Observe their likes and dislikes, but avoid intruding into their personal space. Speak less, observe more. This helps you understand them better without overwhelming them.

    Stay Connected

    Add them to messaging apps like WhatsApp to keep in touch regularly. Start with casual conversations about the common interests that brought you together. If they seem interested, slowly suggest meeting up. For example, if you both love coffee or playing similar sports, then you could suggest meeting up for those common activities.

    Take It Slow

    Don’t push for meetings too soon. Let it happen naturally, especially if it’s a workplace friendship. Avoid one-on-one meetings until you’re comfortable with each other’s silence. Remember, friendship is about ease. If you’re not sure, stick to group hangouts initially.

    Be Patient

    Aim to meet at least once every two months initially, but don’t take it personally if responses are sporadic. People have busy lives, and it takes time to understand whether someone is introverted or extroverted. Give them the benefit of doubt.

    Maintain Self-Respect

    Keep a bit of self respect/restraint initially to avoid coming off as clingy. Let the friendship develop naturally without forcing it. For example, if they cancel plans, don’t immediately reschedule—wait for them to suggest another time. Sometimes it may take months for you to meet your friend, thats how adult life is. But as long as you are connected and regularly in touch, it is positive sign that friendship is mutual.

    Validate and Appreciate

    Praise your friend often. Let them know you see and hear them. Remember their likes, dislikes, and the little details they share with you. Thank them for the good times you’ve had together. Be kind—sometimes, friends can show a level of kindness even family can’t.

    Here are some gestures to show you care:

    If they’re struggling with their health, show up with fruits or something thoughtful.

    Offer to help with small tasks, like picking up something they need or running an errand.

    Listen without judgment when they vent or share their struggles.

    Celebrate their wins, no matter how small—send a congratulatory text or treat them to coffee.

    Avoid financial entanglements early on, as they can complicate the friendship.

    The key is to make them feel valued and appreciated without overstepping boundaries. Small, thoughtful actions go a long way in building trust and closeness.

    Align Values

    Understand their value system and see if it aligns with yours. Discuss/notice political or moral differences early on to gauge how much divergence you can handle. For example, if they have strong opinions on a topic you disagree with, ask yourself if it’s something you can respect or if it’s a dealbreaker.

    Maintaining the Friendship

    Remember Important Dates

    Set reminders for birthdays and other significant events if you tend to forget. Small gestures like a thoughtful message or a surprise call can make their day.

    Get Involved in Their Life

    Ask about their daily struggles, family, and work. Offer help when you can, even if it’s just checking in to see if they’re okay. Share your own experiences and ensure the friendship isn’t one-sided. For example, if they mention their mom is unwell, ask about her the next time you talk. But also notice how much they remember stuff about your life in general. Do they check up on you when you or your loved ones are stuggling? Do they try to understand what bothers you and if they are willing to support you in any capacity during that time. This ensures balance in friendship.

    Stay in Touch Regularly

    Meet at least once every 2-4 months, and have monthly phone /text/video catch-ups. Keep the conversation continuous by asking about ongoing issues or updates. Validate their feelings and avoid preaching unless they ask for advice especially about work or relationships. Usually people have a notion that giving unsolicited advice is the mark of a good friend. But when it’s done early on when the trust is not very much built, it seems like intrusion. So one should be really cautious while offering advice on matters which you think are critical for the person like physical or mental health, work, relationships and family. 

    Show Appreciation

    Even if you don’t talk often, send texts once in a while to remind them how much you value their friendship. Compliment the time you’ve spent together and express how much you miss hanging out. For example, you might be crossing one of the cafes they like, and you can text them how fun your last meeting was and you would love to catch up again at their favorite cafe. 

    Let Go of Ego

    At this stage, you can initiate calls and meet-ups without overthinking. Just ensure the effort feels reciprocated. If you’re always the one reaching out, it’s okay to gently bring it up and see if they’re willing to put in more effort.

    Plan Visits

    If you’re in different cities, make it a point to meet when you’re in their town or vice versa. Prioritize seeing each other. For example, if you’re visiting their city, let them know in advance so you can plan a meet-up.

    Involve Families

    Start meeting each other’s families. Let your name become a household name in their life, and invite them into yours. Slowly become a part of each other’s worlds. For example, invite them to family dinners or celebrations.

    Solidifying the Friendship

    Become Family

    At this stage, you’re more than friends—you’re family. Even if you don’t talk for months, you’re still each other’s go-to person. There’s no ego, just love and trust.

    Be There for Each Other

    Help with tasks they’d usually ask family to do—taking them to the hospital, helping with groceries, or caring for their pets, kids, or plants. But only do what you’re comfortable with. For example, if they’re moving, offer to help pack or bring snacks for the team. Never promise something out of your comfort zone, but also sometimes you do have to step out of your comfort zone if your friend is struggling. It’s a fine balance between being a helpful friend and taking care of yourself in the process.

    Be Transparent

    If you ever criticize them in front of others, make sure it’s something you’d say to their face too. Honesty and transparency are key. For example, if you joke about their habits in a group, make sure they’re okay with it. Shaming your friend is never a sign of intimacy. But a fun banter which you know your friend will be okay with is always a good idea. Humor is what keeps the friendship stronger.

    Stay Connected Across Distances

    If they live abroad, meet at least once a year or whenever you’re in the same country. Give each other undivided attention during these meetings. For example, plan a weekend getaway or spend a whole day catching up. Make sure you both make efforts to see each other.

    Integrate into Each Other’s Lives

    Become a part of their family and vice versa. Their siblings, spouse, and parents should feel comfortable contacting you directly. You should be invited to family events, and your name should hold significance in their household. For example, their mom might call you to check on them if they’re traveling or if they are going through something, their family and loved ones know they can call you about it.

    Things to remember

    Remember at any moment you can’t stop being your authentic self. It’s one thing to make an effort as a friend to help your friend in need, but it’s another level of maturity to retain your true self and identity. This way friendship is never a burden and you remain predictable, reliable and trustworthy as a friend. Any friendship is only as strong as the promises that are kept, be it said or unsaid. 

    Make sure you don’t go too haywire with the unsaid expectations of your friendship, at the same time if you feel something is going on, share. If you feel something is going on with your friend, ask. But give a lot of time and chances to each other, sometimes years to understand what is going on. It takes a lot of effort to maintain any relationship, because it’s worth it, so be patient while deciding if you want to be friends with someone or if you want to leave a friendship too. 

    Friends build a place in our hearts and leaving them might create a hole which is not easily healed. Adult friendships are as important as building a concrete house. They are meant to last forever only then you can truly rejoice the bliss they bring with them but don’t drag a heavy weight that drains you too. I hope you will find a friend who is like a cozy home to you.

    (Based on My Lived Experience)

  • Shared DNA-blessing, burden or both?

    The Joy of Shared Traits

    There’s something magical about seeing families together. It’s such an underrated feeling, the way similar people with similar traits create a sense of connection. The same noses, the same eyes, the same cheeks or eyebrows.

    Even the way they walk or the shape of their fingers, it’s like nature is showing off, saying, “Look how clever I am.”

    I’m an obsessive pattern-seeker. I have to find connections everywhere. I’m very good at remembering people, their faces, their nuances, their quirky stories. It’s like I have a mini profile page for everyone I’ve ever met, and with little effort, I can pull it up anytime I want.

    Every time I see a family together, I get this fuzzy feeling. I rejoice in this small wonder that nature has created. The beautiful sharing of DNA, the way traits are passed down, it’s a quiet miracle.

    The Burden of Resemblance

    But not everyone finds joy in resemblance.

    Some people don’t like looking at their own face because it reminds them of someone who hurt them in the past. Imagine your face being your own burden.

    You might think you’re not aesthetically pleasing, but the truth is simpler: you haven’t healed yet. You haven’t been able to move on.

    Resemblance can be a double-edged sword. It connects us to those we love, but it can also bind us to those who’ve caused us pain.

    The same hands that bring comfort in one person can bring heartache in another.

    It’s a strange, heavy thing, to carry someone else’s traits when they’ve left scars on your heart.

    The Ephemerality of Time

    The ephemerality of time is real. Time is too short to not be spent with your loved ones, yet sometimes it feels unbearably long when you haven’t been able to reconcile with them. Or maybe life’s winds have carried you far from home, leaving you longing for the connections you once had.

    And then, one day, you see someone, your cousin, your sibling, your uncle, or your aunt. There they are, with the same body language, the same voice, the same wrinkles that you saw on your mother’s face. The same laughter, the same hands. For a moment, you’re back with the person you’ve lost. Your cold heart warms up again.

    You don’t feel so lost, even if it’s just for a little while.

    Maybe you keep coming back to these moments because that’s all that’s left.

    God is kind. He takes a lot, but sometimes He leaves a lot to carry on too.

    Finding Comfort in Patterns

    In the end, resemblance is both a gift and a challenge. It connects us to our roots, to the people who came before us and the ones who will come after. It’s a reminder that we’re never truly alone, even when we feel lost.

    But it’s also a call to heal, to untangle the emotions tied to our reflections and find peace with who we are.

    So, the next time you see a family together, take a moment to appreciate the wonder of resemblance. Notice the shared traits, the mirrored gestures, the quiet connections.

    And if you catch your own reflection in the mirror, remember:

    you’re not just a ripple in someone else’s story,

    you’re the center of your own.

  • The Toxicity of “At Least” Culture

    The culture of being grateful is slowly being replaced, or rather overshadowed, by a subculture of “at least,” which often fails to meet even the bare minimum of human decency, especially in the highly toxic societies we inhabit today.

    To put this into perspective, when we’re struggling, we naturally want to find positivity in life. So, we start looking for good things, in situations, in people, in the small moments that give us hope.

    Gratitude, in this sense, becomes an internal journey. It helps us rise above mere survival and feel worthy of the blessings in our lives, many of which others might only dream of.

    But when we shift to relationships, especially toxic ones, whether at the community or family level, this genuine gratitude is often weaponized. It gets sugarcoated, distorted, and replaced with the word “at least.”

    This phrase is then used to invalidate the feelings of the struggling person, turning their pain and longing for love into something trivial.

    Instead of addressing the root of the issue, “at least” becomes a way to silence, minimize, and dismiss.

    For instance, when someone in a toxic relationship expresses dissatisfaction or emotional neglect, they might be met with phrases like, “At least they don’t hit you,” or “At least they provide for you.”

    These statements diminish the person’s needs, invalidate their love languages, and imply that they should be content with crumbs when they deserve the whole loaf.

    This is not to deny that there are exceptions, some individuals might truly be narcissistic or overly self-centered, always fixated on their own needs.

    However, in most cases, the “at least” culture reflects a systemic failure to acknowledge the emotional and physical well-being of those who depend on us.

    The problem with “at least” is that it often doesn’t even meet the bare minimum. It excuses underperformance, justifies neglect, and absolves responsibility.

    By using “at least” as a defense, the burden of improvement is shifted from the person who should be accountable to the one already suffering. It sends the message that striving to do better isn’t necessary, as long as one does the absolute least to avoid outright condemnation.

    This toxic mindset isn’t limited to interpersonal relationships, it’s deeply ingrained in societal structures. When those in positions of power underperform or fail to fulfill their duties, toxic societies quickly defend them with arguments like, “At least they’re doing something.”

    This rhetoric not only undermines accountability but also perpetuates a culture of mediocrity, where improvement becomes an afterthought rather than a priority.

    The damage of “at least” lies in its ability to stifle growth and diminish the potential for positive change. It creates an environment where people settle for less, stop striving to be their best, and feel justified in placing their burdens on others.

    It normalizes complacency and discourages meaningful efforts to be better, whether as partners, leaders, or even human beings.

    To move beyond the toxicity of “at least,” we must reimagine what gratitude means. True gratitude is about appreciating the good in our lives while recognizing areas for growth and improvement. It’s about valuing others’ efforts while holding them accountable for the roles they play in our lives.

    It’s about finding balance, celebrating what’s good without tolerating what’s harmful.

    Instead of settling for the lowest benchmarks, we must strive for a culture where everyone feels valued and respected.

    We must cultivate environments that encourage people to be their best selves, not through shame or pressure, but through mutual respect and empathy.

    When we stop using “at least” as a justification for mediocrity, we open the door to healthier relationships, better leadership, and stronger communities.

    The key is to challenge complacency and embrace a mindset of continuous growth. By expecting more from ourselves and others, we can foster a society where genuine effort and accountability are the norms, not exceptions.

    Conclusion
    The culture of “at least” must be replaced by a culture of improvement, empathy, and mutual respect.

    Gratitude and accountability can coexist, one doesn’t have to come at the expense of the other.

    When we embrace this balance, we move closer to building a world where every individual can thrive, not by lowering our expectations, but by continually raising them for the greater good of all.

  • Not So Free Will

    I have always felt agitated at the thought of being bound by limits. Being tied down circumstantially made me realize something: I am now doing things that I wouldn’t have done if I were not forced to. I do these things, as the rebel I am, because I have not been given the freedom to choose. This made me wonder—do we, or at least those of us who view humans as independent rather than co-dependent beings, simply crave free will?

    As thinkers, our ultimate aim seems to be freedom. Not freedom that comes at the cost of others’ rights, but a freedom where we are unbothered and unburdened by unnecessary interference. Yet, I began to question: why has living within limits become the hallmark of a civil society? Why does society insist that humans need to be trained or tamed? We are told that without rules, society would collapse and human life would spiral into chaos. But is that really true?

    Certain experiments, like the infamous Stanford Prison Experiment, suggest that given free will, people can quickly devolve into violent or immoral behavior. These studies show how easily we adapt to roles without much thought. However, I wonder about the validity of these conclusions. The Stanford experiment may have been serious in intent, but how representative was its sample? A small group of people in a controlled environment cannot reflect the complexity of all humanity. Perhaps the setup itself was flawed.

    Are humans, then, like animals that require training? Even if that’s the case, can humans truly become “inhuman” under normal conditions? Just as an herbivore doesn’t suddenly become a carnivore overnight, can we say humans would abandon their morals and humanity if left unchecked?If humans aren’t inherently inhuman, why do we need so many rules about how to live? Isn’t it true that people often perform their best when given freedom and no pressure? Or are we saying that humans are fundamentally lazy, incapable of functioning without deadlines?

    This brings me to another question: is this why we believe in God? Do we need a higher authority because we are born slaves, or are we trained to feel like slaves? What are we, really? Are we naturally free beings, or are we conditioned to seek control and structure?

    These questions challenge the fundamental assumptions about human nature, free will, and societal norms. Are rules a necessity for order, or have we simply accepted them as a crutch because we fear chaos? Does the existence of structure mean we lack the ability to self-govern? And ultimately, does our belief in freedom stem from an innate desire to live authentically, or is it a rebellion against the chains we’ve been conditioned to accept?

  • The Paradox of Spontaneity

    Now and then, I meet people who mirror a part of me. Like me, they are adrift, navigating life without a clear destination. We belong to a group that doesn’t dream in blueprints or grand visions. We’re not marathon runners with meticulously mapped-out strategies for success. Instead, we’re 100-meter sprinters, racing toward the nearest goal—a carrot dangling just out of reach—while being tethered to reins we can’t even see.

    Older generations often seem eager to guide the youth—or perhaps they’re searching for guidance themselves through these conversations. They ask us, “What’s your goal? Do you know where your life is headed? Do you have a roadmap?” It’s ironic, though. Many of them neglect their own health, skip their medications and healthy habits, and act as though they can regain control of life whenever they choose. They ridicule younger generations for living a reckless and unplanned life, all while stumbling through life in much the same way.

    Do humans ever truly grow wiser with age, or do we simply shift our blind spots?

    Taking a step back, I wonder: Is it really so bad not to have everything figured out? If it is, then why do we celebrate spontaneity in certain contexts? We buy books, attend workshops, and read blogs promising to reignite our spark—in life, in our careers, and even in our relationships. Yet outside of those contexts, spontaneity is so often dismissed.

    In a career, spontaneity is labeled as randomness or recklessness—unless it leads to success. Then it’s rebranded as “risk-taking.” In love, spontaneity might be celebrated as playfulness or condemned as instability and deceit. In daily life, it’s often seen as a sign of madness. And in fashion? If you’re a trendsetter, your choices are revolutionary. If you’re not, it’s just bad taste.

    We seem obsessed with contradicting ourselves. The books we read aren’t meant to translate directly into real life. We don’t actually want to be our ideal selves; we just want to dream about what we could become. Why? Is it fear of failure? Or is it the vulnerability of exposing who we really are?

    Maybe the real question is this: Are we ready to show up as we are—to live unapologetically, embracing our passions and desires without fear of judgment? Or will we remain tethered to expectations, dreaming of freedom while clinging to the reins?

    The answer, I suppose, lies in whether we’re willing to stand metaphorically naked before the world, shedding the layers of what we’re supposed to be and finally becoming who we are.

  • Are You Ignoring the Silent Killer of Your Peace and Health?

    It’s high time we started talking about our difficult emotions—those that scare us, unsettle us, and weigh us down. Anxiety, for instance, can be crippling. Yet instead of burying it deep within, it’s crucial to acknowledge and express it, allowing it to escape from our system. When we suppress negative emotions like anger, stress, or fear for too long, our nervous system begins to operate on autopilot. The body enters a state of defense, pulling us further away from our true selves. In such conditions, we often feel like nothing more than a spinning top—lost, directionless, and vulnerable.

    Whether it’s anxiety, fear, or anger, every emotion needs to be labelled and validated. Suppressing these feelings, sometimes so deeply that they sink into our subconscious, can have dire consequences. Research now strongly indicates that chronically suppressing stressful emotions is a significant factor in the development of long-term illnesses. Studies on chronic illnesses consistently point to stress as one of the major contributors to lifestyle diseases.

    Yet, as a society, we cling to the belief that denying our emotions—even to ourselves—will somehow make them disappear. This toxic mindset, deeply ingrained in our collective behavior, encourages people to ignore their struggles. Occasionally, brushing aside difficult emotions might work if you have a healthy nervous system and robust coping mechanisms. But repeatedly doing so puts immense pressure on the nervous system. It’s not a case of “fake it till you make it”—because one day, your body might no longer cope, and it will collapse in ways you least expect.

    When emotions are suppressed, the body responds through mechanisms known as freeze, fawn, fight, or flight. These responses often build hidden traumas—space trauma, financial trauma, scarcity trauma, and more—that lie dormant until triggered. Over time, this constant state of defense becomes habitual for the nervous system. Triggers that remain unacknowledged or unlabeled wreak havoc when they resurface, disrupting our lives unexpectedly. Gradually, these triggers begin to define us, embedding themselves into our personalities. However, the truth is that triggers are controllable—with consistent practice, support, and professional help.

    The need of the hour is to recognize and embrace the concept of a healthy nervous system. It’s equally important to know when to seek help and to stop shaming those who do. Mental stress should be treated with the same urgency and seriousness as physical stress, for which we often seek immediate medical attention. Recognizing the problem is, in fact, half the solution.

    Here’s hoping society realizes that the brain and body—or mind and body—are not separate entities. Both need care, attention, and balance to lead a truly healthy and happy life.