Tag: mentalhealth

  • The House the Brain Becomes

    Language is more important than we think.

    If we cannot speak, express, or label something, we cannot build the quintessential community every human being needs. And I don’t just mean the outer world communities like friendships, families, societies , but an inner world too.

    The inner world community is the harmony between the nervous system and all the other organ systems. It is the one that quietly decides our overall wellbeing. The one that decides what feels safe, what feels threatening, and what feels impossible to touch.

    When something inside us has no language, it exists in isolation.And isolation, even internally, is unbearable, and unhealthy.

    How it starts

    This usually starts during childhood. If we don’t teach children how to name what they are feeling, the feeling doesn’t disappear. As children, the world is new, and so are the emotions that come with it. Understanding them, naming them, and allowing them to be felt is a crucial part of growing up. It becomes a skill that carries through life.

    If humans don’t learn how to name their emotions, it can feel like being put inside a box they cannot come out of. 

    A box full of emotions

    Emotions are overwhelming by nature; they flood the body before the mind can make sense of them. And when there is no language to hold that flood, the only strategy left, especially for children, is to push it down. Acting out emotions is often inconvenient for the adults around such children, which makes the child feel unsafe expressing them. So they suppress it. 

    Not because suppression is healthy, but because it brings temporary safety and apparent relief.

    Over time, the nervous system learns this: don’t try to understand- just shove it away.

    Why shoving it down seems like nothing is wrong when actually everything is

    Shoving down often looks harmless. It looks like a distraction. Watching TV. Reading books. Staying busy. Overplaying. Oversleeping. Avoiding stillness. Avoiding people. Avoiding themselves. Talking too much or talking too little. We tell ourselves it’s alright, that it doesn’t mean anything, that it’s just passing time.

    But shoving down is actually like filling your brain with waste polythene bags.

    Each one feels insignificant. Each one polybag (emotion) light enough to ignore. So you keep adding them, telling yourself it’s fine, it’s nothing, you’ll deal with it later.

    The weight of keeping – the interior design of your brain

    One day, you open the bag and realise it’s no longer many small things. It’s one large, tangled mass of useless and not-so-useless things. Some of it you may have needed once. Some of it mattered at one point. But all of it has already done its work. 

    It has left its imprint on your nervous system – on how your body reacts, how quickly you get overwhelmed, how unsafe certain emotions feel without you even knowing why.

    If your brain were a house, you would eventually stand there wondering why you placed so many bags in one corner. They’ve taken up the space of everything else. The sofa. The almirah. The space to sit, rest, and live.

    The dilemma becomes absurd – should I remove the useful things from my house just to make room for this waste?

    The tragedy is not just that these bags are useless. It’s that they are toxic too.

    Even if each one is light individually, imagine how old they are. Polythene bags from vegetables. Milk packets. Clothes covers. Years old. Decades old. Rotting quietly.

    Just like emotions – decades old.

    When you finally start scrummaging through them, you are shocked by what you have kept, and why. And strangely, you don’t know what to do with it anymore. You don’t know where it belongs. You don’t know how to sort it. You don’t know why it’s still here.

    But the truth is simpler than we make it. Throw it. It is not your responsibility to preserve waste.

    Language

    They are not just bags but your emotions!

    Except emotions are not disgusting and toxic. They are meant to be met. They are how the body communicates safety, danger, joy, and connection. 

    Emotions are a language – one we must learn to understand.

    Learn to speak the language of emotions

    This is where outer language comes in. Language is the bin. Language is the door through which things can exit. When you can label an emotion, when you can put a word to it, its job is done. It no longer needs to live in the body or haunt the nervous system. It can move on.

    But when there is no word, no name, no language, you are simply shoving another polythene bag into the next room of your brain. And that one, over time, becomes even more toxic.

    Perhaps language is not meant to explain us, but to release us.

    What remains unnamed does not disappear , it waits, settles, and slowly becomes structure, shaping how we relate, react, and retreat.

    In that sense, language is not expression but movement, a way for inner life to remain fluid instead of fossilised.

    And maybe freedom is nothing dramatic at all, but simply the ability to let experience pass through us without having to become it.

  • The Warm Wisdom Of The Wounded

    When Healing Meets the World Again

    There comes a moment in every healing journey when you must return to life; not as the person who broke down, but as the person who survived.

    After a long period of healing when you try to get back into society (family, friends, community, work, anything which involves people), a lot of things which seem normal to an ordinary individual, would seem alien like to a healing soul.

    Re-entering society can feel strangely delicate.

    The Strange Fragility of Re-Entry

    Simple interactions suddenly require courage. Ordinary days feel like new terrain.
    It’s a quiet truth of healing that once you change internally, the external world must be learned all over again.

    For healthy/not deeply traumatised people, just attending an event is an everyday part of life. Meeting, interacting like “a socially fluent human being” is part of their daily grind.

    The Memory of Who You Were

    There is one very interesting thing about healing. If you have healed a bit, somewhere you are willing to give humanity and yourself a chance again, and then you remember you still are the same person who went through the dark tunnel, just to see the light today.

    A healthy individual likes to live, being around life, in general. Hence, even the slightest healing nudges you towards forming your community again.

    Learning to Live Life Again

    For a mending brain who is learning to be human again, all these efforts of becoming a part of the community, sometimes may seem like running a sprint.

    They know they’d probably finish it but would they feel competent rather than exposed?
    Would it further tarnish their confidence?

    And even if they do win, would they be willing to run again?
    Would they be willing to put up so much effort again?
    Would they find the struggle worth their mental energy?

    No one can answer it until it happens.

    Broken people trying to mend their wounds have been told to keep trying, to stumble, to fall and get up again, at their own pace, just like a child learning to walk. They have to learn how to participate in life for the first time, after a long time.

    But how hard that process is, only the person going through it, or the one who has survived it truly knows.

    And yet, healing has its quiet miracles. Something in it keeps pulling you forward, urging you to try again, to reach again, to believe that life can still soften around you.

    When the Mirror Feels Heavy

    When trauma runs deep, it doesn’t just change how you feel, it changes how you see yourself standing in the world. It makes you shrink from your own reflection. It makes the body feel unfamiliar, undeserving.

    And because trauma often pushes you out of the community and into isolation, that physical self-doubt grows stronger. You start overthinking how you look, how you appear, how you are perceived.

    Every small gesture feels loaded, every silence feels like rejection.

    And when healing finally asks you to step back into society as your true self, it feels like stepping out without armour. It becomes one of the hardest parts of recovery, trying to feel like a “normal person” again, when nothing inside you has felt normal for years.

    What Trauma Leaves Behind

    Trauma brings out the beast in some and saint in another. Trauma can harden some, soften others, and leave some in between. It fractures people differently. And probably the one of the most remarkable qualities of being human is adaptability.

    If you have healed right, with no more grudges towards the world and the self, you retain the good qualities and also the ones which are required for this big bad world.

    But one thing about healing is, it is never linear. Even the strongest, most self-aware person will slip into old patterns sometimes. But slipping is not failing, it’s part of the recalibration.

    Each return to old wounds teaches you something new about your strength. And once you know how to navigate these slip-ups with grace, you naturally become someone who can steady others when they feel themselves falling.

    The Strength Hidden in Old Wounds

    There are many strengths asociated with healing, if done right. If the trauma taught you to be assertive for self protection (in fight mode), stand up for yourself, then now it’s just a superpower waiting to be used, whenever needed.

    You just need to switch it on, wield that hidden sword whenever you want. You see some wrong doing, you know you have the power and the assertive energy to stand up for anyone, only now you are intentional about it.

    The gear is manual now, you are not on autopilot mode anymore.

    When Kindness Becomes a Choice

    If your trauma tilted you toward fawning, a people pleaser, you will always know what hurts others. Being nice becomes a choice, not a necessity. You become kind and nice because you know the world is very harsh and you don’t want to hurt another traumatised soul.

    Some unhealed souls may call you a “doormat,” but you know it’s a choice. Healing teaches you when to step forward with warmth and when to step back with boundaries. Even your niceness becomes a form of strength, something you offer intentionally, not out of fear, but to bring a little healing into a harsh world.

    You want people who need some warmth and need some unsolicited kindness to get it from you.

    To me healed traumatised people make the world kinder.

    God only knows how much unsolicited kindness has healed the world!

    Hypervigilance – Reimagined as Wisdom

    And then you meet a hypervigilant, anxious person, who always thought we are all gonna die tomorrow because of the apocalypse or an earthquake or climate change or a bomb blast, or a fire accident. This person in their healing phase becomes an impeccable planner and risk assessor. They by choice tell people of any pitfalls that they are ignoring, in whatver domain they are able to assess risk.

    The erstwhile hypervigilant self, still notices things but knows how to use that information for benefiting others rather than going in a spiral alone.

    Why Healed People Make Empathetic Leaders

    People who survived chaos can become remarkable leaders. Their insight and resilience make them uniquely capable.
    People who lived through hypervigilance often excel at risk assessment.
    People who fawn often become excellent nurturers and relationship builders.

    Unprocessed trauma can distort a person’s relationship with power.
    But the same person with healed trauma has knowledge of empathy and boundaries, and other important aspects required for becoming a great leader.

    You see the good thing about trauma is if you are truly healed, you operate as a happier version of yourself, yet the teachings remain. You still remain the empathetic version that you truly needed.

    Does this mean everyone should go through deep trauma?
    Does this mean the heroes of your society the leaders should be those who have gone through traumatic events and healed?

    A good topic for research it seems!

    The Danger of Unhealed Power

    Unhealed people could be a menace for sure in leadership positions. We have many examples of such people, especially in political scenarios. The ability to watch the world burn but still be okay with it, is classic unhealed inner child behavior.

    Often, unprocessed childhood wounds manifest in adulthood as emotional volatility or disconnected empathy.

    It raises an important question: should emotional maturity be a prerequisite for leadership, just as education and experience are?

    Because more than anything, I would suggest the leaders we choose to go through a psychological analysis to understand how deep a trauma they have, and will it make them do cruel things to their citizens, without any accountability.

    Leaning On Those Who Have Done the Work

    Now, to expect we have absolutely unbroken people in this world is impossible. But we can lean on people who have learnt to heal. For one, they believe in changing for good, they are self aware, they are adaptable. They know what it means to be broken, yet they believe in living a good life and they know why it is important to heal for living that life.

    The Choice That Changes Everything

    Until we reach the stage, where all are happy and resilient, I would use the superpowers of those who have chosen peace over war any day.

    The power rests in choice, the choice to become a better human everyday.

  • How I Learned to Enjoy the Life I Already Have

    “He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.”
    Lao Tzu

    Scarcity breeds two fears: the fear of never having abundance again and the fear of losing what little you already have.

    There is a Taoist saying, “He who hoards much, loses much”—be it worry or money, I would say.

    This isn’t a note from a financial maestro advising you how to save or spend, but a reflection from someone who believes in thriving mentally, despite the economy we’re living in.

    The fear of abundance means expecting never to find wealth, health, time, or love again, whatever you once lacked.

    This fear can appear as the urge to clutch tightly what you have, no matter how little or much that is, and sometimes it shouts through a vulgar display of excess, stretching your own limits until it backfires.

    The wound that never heals

    This scarcity mindset may be either first-generation or multigenerational. It may have begun after an earthquake that you, or perhaps your grandfather, survived. It could be because of a major event that you or your family went through, something that’s long over, yet still vivid in memory.

    Scarcity trauma can also exist at the community level, even within religion. It may be local or far larger than you think, depending on how many people lived through that catastrophe.
    For example, the trauma of Partition or war is multigenerational and shared across vast regions. It changed people once and for many generations after.

    Sometimes the trauma is not because of any major catastrophe, but as the elder child you were told never to spend a lot, curb your wishes because your father did not make much. You were taught to give up on your wishes because that meant good for the family. You were forced to grow beyond your age.

    Whether that trauma makes you a spendthrift or a tight-fisted person depends on various factors. You may follow the YOLO (“you only live once”) approach or save for the rainy days, sometimes even for your 7th generation.

    The point is, no matter which approach you follow, both are extremes.

    Easier said than done, yes, but if you notice that you’re unhappy either way, whether as a super saver or a super spender, then you’re suffering. You are either always living for the moment or always waiting for the “big day” to enjoy, a day that is not coming anytime soon.

    The brain can’t feel what it never did

    You lash out at your family over a small purchase, fearing the loss of all you have. You lose sleep thinking about that catastrophic event recurring. You try to control every decision, yours and others’ to never “let go.” You might hide financial details, or you may have developed a sharp temper.

    On the other side, the over-spender spoils everyone or only themselves selfishly, like a revenge on the older times. They buy a fancy phone because they never had one but deny their family the abundance, fearing that generosity will invite more demands, which will ‘spoil’ them.

    Some buy endlessly for others, mistaking spending for love, raising a family that doesn’t understand money or its meaning. One wound endured while another wound created.

    Whether you hoard or overspend, you’ve likely become friends with the “not feeling happy” way of life.

    And while you are unhappy, remember that those who depend on you, live with you, or love you are unhappy with you too.

    Is this pain real or is your brain still defending you?

    No one is denying your pain! It happened; it surely did! But what you do with your life now matters just as much.

    One reality is that the traumatic event happened, that phase you had to endure. Another reality is that you are doing well today. You have someone you can care for today. And even if it isn’t someone else, it’s you whom you can care for, in a healthy way.

    I’m not asking people to go big or go small, neither to save it all nor to spend it all. I’m asking for objectivity.

    Reconsider how you manage your finances:
    Is there a heavy feeling of fear, shame, guilt, or regret behind it?
    Is it fair to put yourself through this pain?
    Is it fair to deprive those who depend on you or to never teach them how to handle money with balance?

    Neither too much nor too little—just the art of balance.

    Living in circles

    Ask yourself: Is living in the future or the past worth wasting your present?

    People living with the fear of scarcity often forget that the brain remembers not only the past but also the present. The life you’re living now is being inscribed in memory every day, telling your brain how safe or unsafe you are.

    Many people say, “I’ll save up for that big vacation,” and wait ten years before doing any other thing to make themselves happy. And finally, it happens.

    But what also happens is the void that follows.

    The happiness lasted only until the dream became real. And when the time to enjoy came that vacation, they couldn’t. They were never used to enjoying anything, not even a simple visit to an ice cream parlor.

    The dopamine of waiting faded once they arrived. But the other chemicals of happiness, the ones that make you feel joy and relaxation, did not flow, because they were never did. The body doesn’t feel safe enough to relax and experience happiness.

    Overwhelmed by emotions, they might cry, fight, freeze, or leave, not because they don’t want joy, but because they no longer know how to handle it.

    The tyranny of right moment that you missed

    Sometimes it’s the age, the situation, or the people you are, or aren’t with.

    This is when you should realize that certain things make sense only when done at the right time. No amount of money or power can recreate the happiness that needed the right moment and the right people.

    A trip at 21 to an abandoned fort with your friends, funded by pocket money, feels entirely different from a trip at 40 with colleagues to a five-star hotel in a premium city. It might look great on social media, but it does little for your soul.

    The small Saturday ritual of going on a long drive with your family, eating your favorite snacks, and listening to music will do far more for your nervous system than waiting until 50 to travel to New York with kids who have grown up and grown apart.

    Nobody can enjoy life as a family that never learned to enjoy together.

    It’s not the destination, it’s the objective, the process, the practice for the big thing that matters more.

    Imagine out of fear, despite being able to afford more, you always wore inexpensive clothes or ate only at cheap places. What happens when you finally wear a beautifu expensivel outfit or are invited to a Michelin-starred restaurant? In both cases, you’ll feel out of place.

    Out of shame, you might fidget and eat nervously. Or, trying to overcompensate, you might flaunt your money and behave as if you don’t belong there. You will feel like an imposter.

    Either way, you’ll look like someone unaccustomed to this, not just outwardly, but inwardly.

    The point isn’t appearance; it’s your ability to genuinely enjoy what you always wished for.

    We can live, a little everyday!

    That’s why you should stretch a little, in terms of both time and money, for yourself and for your family and friends.

    Keep yourself accustomed to being happy. So even if you never reach your final goal, you’ll have enjoyed the process so much that it won’t matter anymore. And if you do reach it, you’ll enjoy it even more, it will feel truly worth it.

    So live a little every day. Eat that fancy ice cream. Buy that nice watch. Take a day trip to a resort. Get a comfortable chair for your work desk. Hang good curtains in your room.

    Do one good thing every few months that feels slightly out of your budget, just to remind yourself that you can make it.

    Spoil your family a little. Tell them, “We have enough, and we’ll have more, but we’ll enjoy what we have, even if we don’t.”

    Don’t mock those who spend or those who don’t. Stay true to what you can and can’t do. Don’t become a crybaby of jealousy or insecurity.

    And finally

    Tell your brain: All is well. All will be well.
    You are allowed to be happy right now, with whatever you have.

    There is no fixed criterion for happiness, only a mindset.
    And if the heaviness returns, remind it gently that,

    You’re strong enough to handle it. You can make it work.

    Trust the process, and keep going.

    And this makes me think of Philip Doddridge when he said,
    “Let us live while we live.”

  • Emotional Cushions and the Art of Living Well

    I am reminded of a quote by Booth Tarkington as I write this essay:

    “Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age.”

    Mr. Tarkington and I have probably understood the miracle of a cushion in our lives.

    A cushion is something you need when you lean on something. While we are familiar with the aesthetics and physical comfort a cushion brings, we must also realize that we have other kinds of cushions too.

    The emotional cushions, as we may call them.

    A song could be your cushion after a hard day at work.

    A slice of pizza could be your cushion after a tiff with your parents.

    A glass of something cool could be your cushion after a setback at work.

    A two-hour movie you’ve watched a hundred times before is your cushion when you feel a little lonely.

    Your favorite book is your cushion when reality feels exhausting.

    Looking at old photographs is your cushion when you’re feeling homesick.

    Sitting on the balcony with a hot cup of coffee is a cushion when you miss the good old days.

    A chat with a friend is a cushion when you feel unloved.

    A dance routine you always turn to when you’re too much in your head.

    A rap song you sing verbatim when you’re feeling demotivated.

    An hour with your favorite sport brings you back to life again.

    Becoming a part of a community where you share a common interest or goal can be a cushion when life feels worthless.

    Even a small contribution, a kind gesture, an offer of help, can remind you that you have a purpose after all.

    All these are the cushions we keep in our lives and take out as and when we need them.

    Some may just be lying around, like cushions in your living room, catching your sight and comforting you unknowingly.

    Need Of Bigger Cushions

    A vacation. A Vipassana break. A retreat. A sabbatical. Or a reunion with our favorite cousins. These are some examples of bigger cushions, when the shock is bigger. We need more time to lean on and find comfort in our cushions to recuperate.

    Why We Need To Stitch New Cushions Every Now And Then

    We also need to build a habit to stitch and find our new cushions. You see, we have new emotions, newer shocks, newer issues to ponder upon. 

    The older cushions may not fulfill all our needs. Hence, we find new cushions based on our new requirements, yet not abandon the older cushions. They all serve a purpose, they all provide comfort this way or other.

    Learning a new skill like knitting or taekwondo. 

    Starting a blog like this. 

    Finding a new way to exercise. 

    Seeking a spiritual guide, or even a new faith. 

    Taking breaks from people and jobs to build a new home within yourself.

    Instead of children, we may choose pets and plants to care for. 

    We may become part of a community that helps the disadvantaged.

    This list is long, and it should be long. 

    Why We All Should Become Cushion Collectors

    Cushions come in different forms and sizes, depending on the emotional need they help with. One cushion can’t serve all needs. Nor can you carry the same cushion everywhere.

    That’s why you place them in different corners of your life, so they’re always within reach. 

    You never feel the rush to run home for comfort, because there’s always a cushion nearby.

    This list of cushions should be a work in progress, always growing. Life will not tire of throwing new setbacks and shocks at you. So you must be ready with your cushions to handle them better.

    Let your life look like a cozy room, full of your favorite cushions.

    And may you find the fluffiest one, in your favorite color, very soon.

  • In a World of Shadows, Find Your Sunflower People

    A very interesting time to be alive.

    We’ve discussed it often, practiced it daily! Removing toxic people from our lives, like garbage, never looking back. Even though it never feels like garbage, it feels like taking a knife out of your wounds with your own bare hands. It might feel like taking out your heart and squeezing it to bleed, till you don’t feel anything.

    Once you have found the courage to move on, eventually life would become peaceful.

    Wonderful. But what next?

    A lot is said about what not to do. How not to put up with toxic behaviors, how to leave a room that doesn’t respect you, how moving on is better than staying. It is inscribed more like a warning than a suggestion. But what is never discussed is what to do later, and why.

    Many of us were raised in toxic families, only to find ourselves in toxic marriages and friendships later in life. Like a loop, or living in a constant shadow of misfortune.

    We often repeat the mantra: “It’s better to be alone than with toxic people.” But is that really true? Can we truly make it without people? Can we remain our true selves, without having anyone, neither toxic ones nor the good ones in our lives?

    Enter the Sunflower People 

    Yes, you shouldn’t tolerate toxicity. But sometimes, you simply can’t abandon certain people. You can’t step out of the constant hurt that you have to face, you don’t know what to do except for dying when you are looking for a room to breathe.

    So what is the solution? Can we step out of this loop of loneliness? Can we still be happy after leaving who needed to be left? Can we still feel supported during our times of struggle where we can only endure but not stop?

    Yes absolutely! And that’s why it’s important to cultivate and cherish your sunflower people, after removing the cactus people from your life. They even matter when the garden of your life has all kinds of plants, sometimes with thorns, sometimes with flowers.

    Sunflower people bring light to your life on the darkest days. They are your chosen family. The ones who energize you just by being around them.

    These are the people you must search for, keep holding on to, and never stop appreciating their presence in your life. Don’t stop at one such person! Be greedy! Keep decorating the bouquet of your life with such beautiful and pure people. The more sunflowers, the more beautiful and peaceful it becomes.

    Why They Matter

    Sunflower people give you the energy to face toxic situations. They fill the void left by hurtful ones. They remind you, daily, that you deserve better. Their presence in your life is a testimony that you matter and deserve to be loved.

    They show up in different ways:

    Some you talk to every day.

    Some you meet once a year.

    Some you know digitally/virtually.

    Some you haven’t seen in a decade.

    They don’t all look the same, but they share one thing: they heal you when you connect.

    You regain the strength to face the world again.

    They make your clumsiness charming, your silliness memorable. They remember your little quirks, maybe even your favorite drink. They let you be imperfect in a world that demands perfection. And they always know how to hype you up when you’re down.

    The Gift of Chosen Family

    Not everyone understands this, but building a chosen family is a masterstroke of luck. To handpick the people who surround you. To find your home in others, when you’re lost in life. That is a blessing.

    Be the home to someone. To find your home in someone.

  • From Horoscopes to ChatGPT: The Human Need to Be Seen

    ChatGPT (and similar LLMs) proves something simple yet profound. It shows us that validation, encouragement, and understanding matter deeply to us as human beings.

    Despite knowing it’s an AI, a machine, not a “sane human” talking, we still believe its kind words. We want to hear praise, to have our fears and feelings validated. And we keep coming back for more.

    This shows an interesting phenomenon: the human brain is wired to be seen and heard, no matter who it is from.

    Why Kind Words Matter

    Throughout history, humans have been drawn to psychology, astrology, tarot, and numerology. Some followers turn to them to know the future. But many simply want to feel known.

    Think of any sun sign or name-based reading. Beyond predictions (rolling eyes), they usually describe personality traits like strengths, quirks, weaknesses. And most of the time, they emphasize the positives.

    People end up hearing things about themselves that they may never have heard from loved ones.

    For example:

    “An X sun sign person is sincere and disciplined. They are go-getters, ambitious, natural leaders, and liked by all. They are charming and reliable, though sometimes impatient.”

    Now imagine reading this the day after you failed at something. You might mock it. You might not believe it. But somewhere, it makes you feel better. You reread it, just for that comfort.

    Because often, those who seek such words are people who never got the kind words they deserved.

    The Power of Words from Loved Ones

    Now imagine these same words (true or not, who knows) spoken by someone you love deeply. The impact is undeniable. You may even start embodying them, because the person you love sees you that way.

    And yet, in many cultures (especially South-Asian ones), we undervalue the role of words. We think love is enough. We believe in actions, sometimes not even that. Sometimes we assume our mere existence is enough.

    But technology and psychology, especially therapy, show us otherwise. To be seen and heard is healing.

    Maybe that’s why confession (in Christianity, with all its spiritual significance) feels healing. Even unseen, a person speaks, and a person listens. That act alone is powerful. Our words become more important than our physical appearance and actions.

    Maybe that’s why cultures have speeches for every occasion. Why a eulogy matters so much. Does the dead wait to hear something at last, before moving on peacefully?

    Finding Words, Finding Healing

    In the end, there is an easy way and a hard way to live. The hope will always be to find people who give us space to speak, and who find the right words to whisper back when we cannot hear ourselves in the noise of life.

    But until we find them, I am okay with ChatGPT being my friend, philosopher, and guide.

  • When Life Feels Like a Panic Room

    Behold this image!

    A surgeon after performing a 10 hour surgery, comes out of the operation theatre. He takes a sigh. Things are still critical. But he doesn’t give these expressions when he is in the operation theatre, where everyone is looking at him for his work and prowess.

    He also doesn’t show his pauses in front of the patient’s relatives. He does it when the people who look up to him, can’t see him.

    He doesn’t want them to shake their confidence in him.

    He probably wouldn’t even have felt like sighing when he was in the operation theatre itself. The pressure wouldn’t have let him relax or take a short break just to realign himself at all.

    So, in the same way, you don’t sigh inside the very room where the problem lives.

    Imagine there is a heavy discussion or argument going on, you are sort of the neutral person or the unsaid umpire of the situation. You are swept up in all the heavy emotions in the room that demand your 100% attention.

    But it doesn’t mean your nervous system isn’t asking for a break. We need time to realign, process and ruminate our thoughts. That small sigh is an example of a short yet significant break.

    When we are in the room with the red light on, we may not want to tell people that there is something critical going on, through our expressions.Lest, they might get nervous and tense even more.

    We may foresee bigger trouble ahead, but we hold the calm of the room intact before dropping the weight of heavy information.

    And sometimes the situation is so urgent, you can’t imagine anything else, but to remain present in that situation.

    But something happens when you step out of your frame of reference. Something changes significantly, even for a second.
    Something which was mentioned by Daniel Kahneman, in ‘thinking fast and slow’. The moment our frame changes, mostly it’s the panic room itself, we suddenly become aware of the heaviness.

    There is heavy weight on our shoulders but we also feel we can put it down, for a bit. Before we could find the courage to put it back up again.

    Maybe that’s how being in a tough phase and getting through it feels.

    When we are in it, we can’t catch a breath. We are so deep in it, we can’t think of anything else in the world. It makes us panic and lose our strength, bringing us to our wits’ end.

    But is there something which can temporarily fix this frame, just like stepping out of the panic room?

    I think those transient breaks are people/friends/family. It could be a hobby, it’s a vacation. Sometimes work too!

    It could be a book or a movie or a night of standup comedy!

    Something or anything which lets you dissociate and detach from the imminent problem, for a bit. Something which gives you a chance to feel yourself, process the situation and your emotions about it.

    This change is pertinent for your emotional resilience. Yes, we are built to last. But we are not built without pit stops.

    When life feels like a Panic room, you need a break. #thoughtsdenbyneha

    We need to recharge. Maybe the capacity of everyone is different.

    We still haven’t been able to make a perpetual machine, let alone a human body!

    Do not hesitate to catch your breath. When going gets really tough, step out of your room.

    Yes, you have to step into it again, eventually, but recharging before going in, might give you a fresh set of perspectives and energy to solve the situation in the room again.

    What is life, if not a vast healthcare center!

    At any given time, some room is always blinking, asking for help?

  • Jealousy: The Villain or The Mirror

    Jealousy walks into our lives quietly, like an uninvited guest. It doesn’t shout at first. It lingers in the corner, watching, comparing, whispering that someone else has what we don’t.

    As children, it may start with toys or attention; as adults, it shifts to success, love, or recognition.

    Yet the emotion is the same. It is raw, uncomfortable, and deeply human.

    The real question is not whether jealousy visits us, but what we choose to do when it does. Should we deny it, let it poison us, or learn to understand the truths it is pointing toward?

    My observation is we feel jealous only in certain types of situations. And it has some markers and with some inner work we can get past it, if we can organise our thoughts around it a bit.

    1. The distance factor

    Our degree of jealousy depends on how “close” we feel to the person in question. In a way, it shows in which league we put ourselves.

    For example, jealousy usually hits harder when the person is closer to our own life situation. They probably have a similar job, from a similar educational or financial background, same hometown, same social circle etc. Something which puts you in a pretty similar opportunity category, seemingly. That’s why siblings/classmates/cousins/colleagues often feel jealous of each other.

    But if the distance is too big, jealousy shifts into admiration. Think of a gully boy admiring Eminem. He knows he can only admire him, not join his league. But another successful musician, closer to Eminem’s level, might feel more jealousy than admiration.

    We often see how celebrities are jealous of each other’s success. A small kid would admire Meryl Streep, but a leading actor of Bollywood would probably be jealous of her.

    So, when the gap feels too wide to cover, we admire it. When the gap feels bridgeable, we get jealous.

    1. The “not earned it” trigger

    We also get jealous when we feel someone hasn’t earned what they’re getting. If it looks like they’ve been handed success, attention, or praise they don’t deserve, jealousy rises.

    Probably that’s why nepotism hurts so much. You feel you have the same set of skills and talent, but just because of one extra blood relation they are chosen, not you.

    Now, if we could acknowledge struggles or see the effort behind someone’s achievements, for example a dear friend, then even when they’re in the same league, we’re more likely to respect them, maybe even encourage them, instead of resenting them.

    The acknowledgement of struggle also comes from a place of empathy and security. If we were raised to be kind, then we would notice the struggles and would admire the hard work someone does to achieve something similar.

    1. Low self-worth

    A big root of jealousy is low self-worth. If I feel jealous because someone else is called beautiful, inner work will show that I’m dissatisfied with my own looks.

    Deep down, I think, “This person has the same flaws as me. Why don’t they feel the same inferiority as I do? Why am I not being praised like them?”

    When we see them coping with their insecurities, it reminds us of our own failures, and we lash out as jealousy.

    This is why having a clear sense of self and clear definitions of concepts like happiness, beauty, or love is so important. If you truly believe everyone is beautiful in their own way, including yourself, jealousy naturally decreases.

    So, the moral?

    Let them be. And you be you. Use jealousy as a marker of what you think is missing, instead of projecting it on others. The more secure you are in yourself, the less anyone can touch you.

    1. Seeking approval and comparisons

    Jealousy also spikes when someone we seek approval from compares us to another person, who we do not think we are similar to at all. Maybe the comparison isn’t even valid, but because their judgment matters to us, we start competing with the one they held against us.

    The real question is: why do you need this person’s approval? Are they qualified to judge? Mature enough, despite the age and status? Do they even understand your journey? Have you lived similar lives, with similar struggles and opportunities?

    Often the answer is no. Yet we still let their comparison sting us.

    The most common example? Cousins, neighbours, colleagues. But are we really that similar? Should we let the cognitive bias of the comparer define our worth?

    It’s like asking: should elephants really care what ants say about them?

    This happens within families a lot. We are compared to a sibling or a distant cousin, and are constantly shamed for our struggles and failures. We feel hurt by our parents and elders for not recognizing our life situations, and shaming us, to apparently help us.

    We are shamed despite being successful by all social parameters, for a thing which doesn’t make sense, except your elders.

    Startup founders, even after being successful and accoladed by one and all, are shamed by their elders for not clearing government jobs, because success for them is a blue light car (although banned now).

    Shaming as children it only increases resentment towards parents, and sometimes even that person we are being compared with.The jealousy sometimes puts distance because of the constant comparison. We would probably want that person who we are being compared with to show our parents their flaws too.

    We want to tell our parents nobody is perfect, especially the person they think.

    My verdict of this situation is, what if our elders are really not that smart? What if the lens they think they are wearing to assess our life is outdated, broken and damaged? Why should I think my parents or elders know everything better than me? What if they are really wrong in some of the cases?

    It doesn’t mean they are not worth my respect, it means I shouldn’t take their judgements seriously and reiterate it to them now and then, that what they are doing is not helping but damaging their child’s peace.

    All in all

    Maybe jealousy isn’t the villain we paint it to be. It is a mirror. Sometimes harsh, sometimes painfully honest. It is showing us where our longings hide. For children, it can be a chance to learn fairness, gratitude, and patience.

    For us, it can be a reminder to turn inward rather than outward, to ask what is missing in our own lives that we keep measuring against others. If we are jealous of someone traveling a lot, then proabably we should also try to book our tickets too now and then.

    If we can hold jealousy gently instead of fearing or denying it, it stops being a shadow and starts becoming a guide, on our journey of self awareness.

  • Built for More Than Survival

    There’s an entire generation walking around confused, burned out, emotionally stunted or overburdened. It is not because they failed, but because they were never taught how to live. Millennials and their parents inherited silent rules, unspoken traumas, and outdated ideologies disguised as wisdom. Somewhere between survival and image, we forgot how to be human.

    This list is not a bashing critique on any generation. It is implying why we picked some toxic patterns and they need to be dropped right now. It is a reminder message to all of us in that age group, that we are hurting others and ourselves by not accepting the truth about ourselves. We can change, whenever we want.

    It is our life. And we can remember only one before dying. 

    Even stationary trees shed their leaves and grow new ones, then we are humans, we can change only if we believe life is better when we keep evolving and growing with it.

    The skills that should have been taught to millennials and parents of millennials, but were missed for various reasons

    1. Having difficult conversation / not to escape emotional conversations
    2. Taking care of physical health
    3. Understanding what is mental health and taking care of it
    4. If your loved ones are complaning about your behavior, acknowledge it and do something about it
    5. Honest conversations / being vulnerable when it matters
    6. Ability to accept criticism
    7. A sense of humor/ ability to laugh at oneself
    8. Self awareness
    9. How to take care of others without burning oneself out
    10. How  to say thank you / to show gratitude / to recognize and appreciate someone’s help even if they love us, not taking kindness for granted
    11. Saying sorry, even to an infant, animal or a plant
    12. How to be selfless without looking for recognition or return
    13. How to take care of others / do things with no benefit for oneself
    14. House chores
    15. Knowing basic skills of life/ Just because you earn well, doesn’t mean you should get away with not learning basic skills in life like cooking, cleaning, maintaining a house, taking care of others, doing basic financial work, traveling/driving/riding for work alone
    16. Not being a burden of a person on others
    17. How not to torture themselves and their children in the name of parenting
    18. Spirituality and healthy detachment
    19. Critical thinking / challenging problematic rituals and practices
    20. Enjoying life with its imperfections, not chasing the perfection
    21. Money over everything else
    22. Thriving versus surviving
    23. How not to deny honest feedback in relationships and in public life
    24. Not depending their self worth on people’s opinions, rather than on oneself / high self esteem
    25. Not taking major decisions in life like career, marriage to get approval of others
    26. Not caring about third parties more than direct family members
    27. Show off/snobbery versus real happiness
    28. Not just Worrying about future, but  also caring about  present
    29. Not regretting the past always
    30. Not living in yesterday and someone else’s life, thinking how life could be better if they had something else / always looking at someone else’s garden and comparing their life
    31. How to live without constant whining
    32. Problem solving versus problem seeking
    33. Not interested in others’ life, gossiping
    34. Not talking to people just for entertainment but developing real connections
    35. Not treating God like their servant, whose job is to appease them, and believing if He doesn’t then He doesn’t exist
    36. Not using people for purpose, not enjoying people as a company
    37. Giving high importance to friendship and community
    38. Worrying about our own contribution and not always thinking about what others are contributing
    39. Be the bigger guy, and not always wondering why they should be the only one nice
    40. Not worrying about quid pro quo and making every relationship and interaction transactional, keep passing the good deeds on
    41. Having an individual personality / not having herd mentality
    42. Inculcating a lifelong hobby, for your own happiness
    43. Having a life of your own, especially meant for old age
    44. Understanding the importance, power and responsibility of humans and having a sense of self
    45. Not putting dogmatism / pseudo-traditionalism over everything else
    46. Never avoid responsibility / never think about bending the rules even if there’s no one watching / never run away from accountability
    47. Do not imitate wrongdoings, corrupt activities with explanation that everyone is doing
    48. Do not use God as an excuse to bully others 
    49. Empathy!!!
    50. Accepting  your weaknesses, accepting feeling tired and will to rest is not a sign of failure
    51. Being bold / telling right from wrong with confidence and practicing the tough road
    52. Asking for help, especially when struggling mentally
    53. Asking for help for those who can’t ask for themselves
    54. Pick up fight for the weak
    55. Feel happy for others / do not feel insecure and jealous of others and their achievements
    56. Use money to feel happy too, not just save it for one day
    57. Enjoying / resting / relaxing without feeling guilty
    58. Not competing who works hard more / do not glorify mindless grinding / work hard for your own happiness not to please anyone else
    59. Appreciating public property and always keeping in mind fellow citizens, even if no one is watching and there is no penalty
    60. Respect for disabled and differently abled, working towards an inclusive society, understanding issues they face and how to solve them
    61. Thinking about how all strata of society, including animals and plants can be helped through our work
    62. Treating animals and plants with respect, not to hurt the weak in any form
    63. Selfcare is not selfish, it is important to take care of oneself if one wants to take care of others
    64. Taking education very seriously
    65. Mastering at least one skill which can earn you money, if nothing else works
    66. Learning is a lifelong process
    67. A nuclear family is separate unit, a joint family is still a bunch of individual nuclear units. Respecting each unit is healthy.
    68. Not to use elders especially parents as vending/ATM machines. They don’t owe their adult children anything. Everybody deserves a respectful life. A life of their choice.
    69. Respect should not be bought with money, least of all from your own family.
    70. Importance of ‘me’ time / importance of spatial privacy / break for everyone
    71. Your house should be your most comfortable place, invest in it
    72. You have one body, take care of it, invest on it, guiltfree
    73. Don’t ruin your happiness and relationships for work
    74. Outsourcing work when can’t take it / it’s okay to ask for help / make your money do your work so that you can be more efficient
    75. Understanding the importance of roles that people take up by choice and living it to the fullest
    76. Importance of manual hard work
    77. Taking risks more often, especially in career, saying yes to things which you are really passionate about

    Things parents of millennials taught their kids which probably made sense to them but are not working anymore:

    1. Self serving ideologies 
    2. Obedience
    3. Believing people can’t change
    4. Believing you don’t ask old people to change
    5. People are born as is, and their personality is carved in stone
    6. People willing to think out of the box are detrimental to society and against their practicing religions
    7. God is a cruel master who has favorite people / God is their slave (father) whose job to serve them as per their wish, He can’t deny their wishes
    8. There is no free will
    9. Love means people who love you should abide by you, even if it means tying a noose around their neck.
    10. You can make anyone happy with money.
    11. People who are in your life owe you your happiness, you don’t owe anything to yourself and others, as long you fulfill your duty as per your definition, even if it hurts others
    12. Life means duty
    13. Thinking not knowing basic life skills is cute and it is your spouse’s task to take care of your basic needs like you are a child
    14. Spouse and children are the punching bags sent to you by god
    15. Hypocrite personality- nice outside, bully at home
    16. Using money for charity and helping people, yet not fulfilling needs of family and creating a situation of financial scarcity at home
    17. Always telling family that there is no money yet wasting it in risky things
    18. Image is more important than truth
    19. One should never cry or cry alone, and not solve the problem ever. There is an award for people who suffer in silence.
    20. Never attempt to question or understand your religion on your own. Accept only those teachings that serve your purpose
    21. Treating people willing to help them as dumping ground
    22. Lack of responsibility in their own behaviour 
    23. Victim mentality, always telling how world did them wrong
    24. Materialistic success and power is the only way to feel like you have done big in life
    25. If you haven’t achieved a big position where everyone calls you sir/madam then you have failed.
    26. Respect is not by default but earned
    27. Respect is in order of power and money, background, age, gender
    28. It is okay to insult anyone younger, poorer than you, apologies are never in order
    29. Children have no right to respect. It is okay to hit them anytime, anywhere because you are older than them.
    30. Emotionally blackmailing their family members to do things that serves their ego or good for their image
    31. Guilt tripping their family members for not serving them or pleasing them as per their wish
    32. Unable to see things from another’s point of view if it means changing your own view or accommodating others needs
    33. Under the rug mentality / not talking about important issues to cater to emotional manipulation
    34. Toxic parenting / Not teaching life skills like finances and navigating emotions to children and expecting they can learn this by getting married
    35. Treating adult children as their savior who have to fullfill the role of spouses and parents, dumping on them the weight of unfulfilled desires on those who are not supposed to carry this burden
    36. Putting parental responsibilites on children, like taking care of younger sibling while still young themselves
    37. Treating parents like housekeepers, nannies, asking them to relocate without understanding their requirements and emotional needs
    38. Not working on a solid retirement and care plan especially for parents, when they haven’t been able to plan it for themselves, ignoring them in their old age as burden
    39. Parents making adult children feel guilty for following their dreams and living an indepedent life, in orde to cater to their unfulfilled desires
    40. As an adult, expecting and overrelying on your parents to still take care of your matters like you are still a child
    41. Parents unwilling to relocate when dependent on adult children, especially when there is no other option, behaving emotionally clingy to their hometown because they don’t like changing, creating emotional trauma for their adult children and family
    42. Genderification of parental and familial care roles, which gender is more suitable to take care of parents
    43. Not accepting there is an issue with your behavior when there is clearly one
    44. Treating their children’s spouses as outsiders
    45. Treating their children as adults who should know everything right from infancy and expecting from them ideal adult behavior since childhood
    46. Bullying and shaming children, be it young or adult
    47. Encouraging children to keep with abuse in the name of respect, traditions and image
    48. Using violence to teach children right behavior
    49. Not displaying love to their loved ones
    50. Number of offsprings as the sole indicator of happy marriage
    51. Not accepting different kinds of partnerships / relationships
    52. Pushing people who love them away and later making them feel guilty about it for not being there
    53. Unable to form a healthy community
    54. Putting up with toxic family members, because related by blood
    55. Changing perception of people on the basis of money in their bank
    56. Treating those people miserably who go out of the way to help
    57. Discouraging people for supporting one another
    58. Making children especially siblings or cousins compete with one another and compare their life, marriage, career throughout their life
    59. Obsessing over blood relationships and legacy
    60. Discouraging adoption and gender equality because of purist mentality
    61. Looking at roles, not the people playing them
    62. Accepting substances as healthy coping mechanisms and not seeking help for addictions

    A separate book is required to write about how different genders are treated in India, especially the outlook of millennials and previous generations.

    One would say why I am being so harsh to us?

    But speaking truth is honesty, not harshness.

    And remember honesty is the best policy. Well, in this case it definitely is.

    I extend the grace to ourselves and our elders for doing what was needed, in the toughest of situations.

    We survived. We made it. You had to be there to understand those times.

    We adapted according to the times and these practices and behaviours are result of how we managed to make the best of those sitations. We can appreciate all that.

    But this appreciation and understanding is taking away our chance to grow with the new world. We are unable to reap the benefits of our own efforts.

    The age of survival is gone, it’s the age of thriving.

    The grace we are extending to ourselves is being used as an excuse by our brains to stay as we are. Change is being avoided and conveniently ignored.

    We have mixed change with disrespect, while taking away the rights and opportunities of the new generation.

    We can spend many more decades in trying to mourn with our elders about the tough times they faced but it is taking away the chances of our future generations to become happier.

    And it is always the future generation that deserves more attention, because the previous generation lays the foundation of the future building.

    Who are we without our progeny?

    More is being lost by staying as we are. We owe it to the future to keep changing with times as we see them. This cycle will keep going on.

    We are the babies of evolution, not dropped from sky as is.

    It’s the wheel that moves that can reach the destination, nobody has reached anywhere by staying stuck in a puddle.

    While we contemplate whether to change or not, our families are becoming distant, the people we love are suffering alone, lonlier than ever. We drift them apart, a little further, everyday.

    Because the heart can take only so much pain, from loved ones.

    Hence, sure we cannot change the past, but we can stop passing it on. It’s time we learn the skills we were never taught. And, more importantly,  it’s time we stop glorifying the struggle and start celebrating the courage it takes to feel, connect, rest, and live with truth.

  • Everyday Tools to Soothe a Stressed Nervous System

    Jumping out of bed before the alarm clock even rings, snoozing the alarm 20 times and still dragging yourself out of bed. Our hunger patterns, when angry, our body aches when afraid, the urge to use the toilet repeatedly when nervous, and even bloodwork going out of range these tell a story that’s more than just a personality trait and shouldn’t be ignored.

    Why we need to worry if our body is in a stressed state

    When the body is stressed, especially long term, it puts pressure on different organs to work a little extra, more than required, for an extended period or at least till the trigger is still there. But sometimes, even when the trigger is gone, the effect of it stays, converting it into a chronic stress situation. 

    This can lead to lifestyle diseases. Our brain still operates largely from a hunter-gatherer mindset, and its internal responses are very similar to how it used to combat stress in those times. It will keep dragging itself until it collapses. Today, that collapse often comes as early as at 30 years of age, may be younger and fiercer.

    How stress affects the body, some examples.

    1. Metabolism

    The body starts storing more food by slowing down metabolism. To the brain, stress signals the need to conserve energy, which over time leads to fat deposition especially around the abdomen, digestive issues, hypertension, diabetes and other lifestyle disorders.

    As a result, one of the things that could happen if you’re stressed and eating less food, your body might still retain it and not lose weight as expected.

    2. Sleep

    People either sleep too much or too little. In fact, those who sleep a lot under stress are actually conserving energy that’s being spent on fighting stress. When they start to heal, they may sleep even more because their body can finally relax and recover.

    This is why, after a tough phase or when someone returns to a safe place like home or goes on vacation they may sleep more than expected: their nervous system is finally relaxing.

    Other times, there’s just insomnia. In short, there’s no sleep routine, and you always feel like your system needs recharging.

    3. Movement

    The body resists movement when dysregulated. In its effort to conserve energy, it suppresses any urge to move beyond urgent needs. That’s why people under chronic stress may struggle even to brush their teeth or maintain basic hygiene. They develop pain in many parts of the body which again hampers the urge to move.

    4. Depletion of micronutrients

    People who are constantly under stress, may find their micronutrients level deranged, causing body ache and overall feeling of constant sickness. The body specially uses Vitamin D, B5, B12, C, E, Magnesium during stress directly and indirectly. One will find uric acid deranged too. All these and many other micros out of range in your blood work represent that body needs help.

    How to mitigate effect of stress in our daily life – A Precautionary Approach

    One of the cornerstones of health is slow living to keep the body in a healing condition. Anything too fast is too stimulating during chronic stress. If the body keeps receiving stress signals, it will behave as though it is diseased. With that mindset, no matter what activity you do, your body won’t respond effectively, it still believes it’s in an emergency.

    Even medication won’t work 100% because stress interferes with its effectiveness. The result? Only the dosage keeps increasing.

    The long-term solution to stress is, of course, living a healthy life in a safe, pollution free environment surrounded by a supportive community, with a fulfilling career and satisfying family life.

    But realistically, we often can’t control all these factors. Hence, we are forced to manage stress daily.

    The skills discussed in these articles are effective life tools that should be taught from childhood to old age to help us face life’s hardships without long-term damage to physical and mental health.

    Importance of a resilient nervous system

    We regulate our nervous system to maintain neuroplasticity, emotional resilience, and the ability to process a wide range of emotions with greater physical and mental strength.

    The three pillars of daily nervous system regulation are:

    1. Removal of toxins (like remnants of cortisol, cytokines) from the system
    2. Mimicking safe environment stimuli to return the body to a regulated state, when it can’t do so on its own and the external environment is still stressful
    3. Indulging in activities that release neurotransmitters responsible for long-term peace and happiness

    Mimicking safe environment stimuli approach

    I always used to wonder why actors in movies splash their faces with cold water when they’re agitated or before facing a difficult situation. Why is Mark Hanna’s iconic song and chest-thumping (Matthew McConaughey’s character in The Wolf of Wall Street) such a great relaxation technique? And why does Ranchoddas Chanchad’s song (Aamir Khan in 3 Idiots) “All is well” actually calm your system? All of these have scientific explanations, which I’ve tried to explore in this essay.

    ‘Mimicking safe signals’ can be called the “fake-it-till-you-make-it” approach.

    When we’re stressed, our body behaves in a particular way: heavy or fast breathing, high or low BP, fluid retention, inflammation,  constipation or loose motions, increased urination, slow metabolism, increased appetite, cravings for sugar or salt, and more.

    Under normal circumstances, once the stressor passes, the body resets. But in chronic stress, the body forgets how to return to baseline even if the trigger is gone. That’s when we have to help by sending calming physical signals back to the brain reminding it that the worst is over.

    To mimic safe signals, we do activities that stimulate the vagus nerve.

    The Role of the Vagus Nerve

    The vagus nerve, which starts at the base of the skull and runs to the abdomen, plays a key role in maintaining a sense of safety. Stimulating it tells the body, “All is well.”

    It’s affected by the five senses (touch, smell, taste, sight, sound). Vagus nerve stimulation and somatic exercises reduce stress by suppressing the sympathetic system and activating the parasympathetic nervous system.

    For clarity:

    Sympathetic Nervous System (Fight or Flight)

    • Activated during perceived threats or stress.
    • Prepares the body to confront or flee: increased heart rate, rapid breathing, muscle tension, pupil dilation, increased blood pressure, and suppressed digestion.

    Parasympathetic Nervous System (Rest and Digest)

    • Dominates when the body is calm.
    • Slows heart rate, lowers blood pressure, enhances digestion, promotes relaxation.

    These two systems work in opposition to balance the body’s responses to stimuli and maintain homeostasis. When one is active, the other reduces activity.

    Neurotransmitters

    Neurotransmitters are chemical messengers whose job is to send signals between neurons. Stress significantly impacts the release and function of neurotransmitters.

    Acute stress initiates release of neurotransmitters like adrenaline and noradrenaline to initiate the “fight-or-flight” response, while chronic stress can lead to imbalances in neurotransmitter systems, potentially contributing to mood disorders and other health problems. This is mainly under the control of hormones like cortisol, whose level greatly increases under chronic stress.

    In this discussion, the main neurotransmitters are:

    1. Dopamine
    2. Serotonin
    3. Endorphins
    4. Oxytocin
    5. Nor-epinephrine

    There are various activities that can stimulate the vagus nerve and help signal safety to the body, helping it shift back to a calm, regulated state, both in the short and long term. These not only can help in increasing good neurotransmitters release responsible for better mood, but also decrease long term stress triggers like cortisol release in the body.

    1. Waking up Early And Slowly

    The biggest antidote to stress and anxiety is mindfulness. And one of the easiest ways to achieve it is by noticing your own movements. From my personal experience, being mindful of the moment and noticing your own movements means being slow. Not slow in terms of intelligence, but slow and intentional in your physical actions.

    Mornings set the pace for the whole day. And how calm your morning is affected greatly by the cortisol level, the stress hormone. During tough days, to maintain a sense of calm, it is important to find a way to mitigate effects of spiked cortisol in the morning.

    Hence, if you’re making tea in the morning, make it slowly, not through muscle memory, but with intention. While brushing your teeth, do it slowly, reaching the last molar, feeling the brush inside your mouth. When combing your hair, notice every hand movement and how the hair pulls against your scalp.

    And for all this we need time. How do we create time? By waking up earlier.

    You don’t jump out of bed. You sit up slowly, then gently place your feet on the ground. Feel the earth beneath your feet, barefoot. Sit like this for a minute or two. Then slowly walk out to the balcony, drawing room, or lobby, eyes still half-open. No rush. No thoughts. Just observe the morning and your breath.

    You’ll notice that just 10 minutes of this slowness, allowing your body and organs to wake up gently, can significantly reduce your anxiety, stress, and cortisol levels.

    Also, winding up your day early, eating dinner at least 3 hours before bedtime, has multiple benefits: improved digestion, darkness to support your circadian rhythm, and time for the body to recover after a long day.

    2. Having Breakfast

    One surefire sign of pent-up cortisol is a lack of appetite or zero hunger upon waking. This is one reason stress slows down metabolism and increases the risk of insulin resistance.

    Ideally, you should feel hungry within the first hour of waking. Even if you don’t, try to eat something within that hour. This creates a positive feedback loop and sets the tone for a healthy day.

    3. Chewing

    It’s said we should chew each bite 32 times to aid digestion and give the stomach enough time to signal when it’s full.

    But there’s another benefit: jaw movement stimulates the vagus nerve, helping to calm the body. Chewing gum, for example, is known to promote relaxation, not because of the gum, but because of the chewing action. Even pretending to chew can calm you down.

    Slow eating relaxes the body for several reasons:

    Eating itself is a positive stimulus. Fat in food releases dopamine, a happiness-related neurotransmitter. Taste and smell activate the vagus nerve, engaging the parasympathetic system (rest and digest), enhancing feelings of safety and relaxation.

    4. Breathwork

    Breathwork techniques are designed to stimulate the vagus nerve.

    You may have noticed that your breathing pattern changes when you’re stressed. Breathwork creates an outside-in feedback loop: if internal stress leads to shallow breathing, then mimicking deep, calm breathing from the outside can tell your body that all is well.

    Diaphragmatic breathing (also known as belly breathing or deep breathing), where you focus on expanding your belly with each inhale, activates the vagus nerve. This leads to reduced heart rate, blood pressure, and stress hormone levels.

    5. Slow Walking in Nature / Exposure to the Color Green

    Our eyes are highly sensitive to green light, meaning it takes less effort for the brain to process it. Engaging the eyes stimulates the vagus nerve. It also connects to our ancestral brain where green means abundance, safety, and food, triggering a positive psychological response and promoting peace and harmony. The same goes for observing water bodies.

    A slow walk in nature, keeping green plants in your home or office, or regularly gazing at trees and greenery, positively impacts mental health. It helps decompress and regulate breathing.

    This is different from brisk walking. While fitness benefits from brisk walking or jogging, chronic stress requires slow walking. For a dysregulated nervous system, anything fast-paced is a stimulant and may lead to further dysregulation.

    6. Walking Barefoot on the Ground

    Walking barefoot helps with grounding and engages the sense of touch. Direct contact with the earth may also neutralize excess positive ions accumulated from electronic devices, pollution, and metabolic activity. This neutralisation potentially reduces stress and anxiety. The earth’s electrons act as natural antioxidants, reducing oxidative stress and inflammation.

    Stimulating nerve endings in the feet enhances blood flow throughout the body and is a gentle form of exercise that calms the mind.

    Going barefoot in large open spaces like temples is an instant grounding technique. These places often have high ceilings, wide open areas, and soothing or no sounds, creating an environment of calm.

    7. Chanting / Singing Aloud / Humming

    Chanting OM, making a “woo” sound, or humming (as done in breathwork or pranayama) all have a calming effect on the nervous system. When you’re emotionally spiraling, even humming a song can calm the brain. Gargling is also one of the ways to calm emotional turbulence.

    Singing or chanting aloud especially in a group regulates the nervous system and creates a sense of community, a crucial pillar for maintaining mental well-being.

    8. Somatic Exercises

    Here are simple somatic exercises you can do anytime, anywhere under a minute:

    • Rubbing ears and the area around them
    • Moving eyes side to side
    • Fast blinking
    • Filling your mouth with air (like a puffer fish or frog) and moving eyes side to side
    • Mimicking chewing by moving the jaw
    • Chest or shoulder tapping
    • Self-hug along with shoulder tapping
    • Whole body shaking or rebounding on feet
    • Deep breaths (Inhale 4 – Exhale 8)

    During or after these exercises, you may find yourself yawning, burping, swallowing, or sneezing, these are signs that your body is releasing stress. You can continue these activities until the stress response subsides. Initially, it may take about 5 minutes. Eventually, 1–2 minutes will be enough.

    Over time, with regular practice, your body may start releasing accumulated stress on its own, even without these exercises.

    Engaging Pre-Frontal Cortex

    Moreover, any activity that requires voluntary facial movement like intentionally touching your face, puffing your cheeks, or touching your eyebrows, engages the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for logical thinking and decision-making.

    When we are agitated or highly emotional, the prefrontal cortex tends to disengage, which is why we may act irrationally in those moments. Engaging in intentional facial movements can help reactivate the prefrontal cortex, enabling us to calm down and make more rational decisions in the moment.

    Removal of toxins from body

    Now, let’s discuss our first approach to regulating the nervous system which is removal of toxins from the body.

    This primarily involves the movement of lymph.

    Anything that our body experiences and expresses is communicated through chemicals produced in the body. The feeling of happiness, for example, is linked to a specific neurotransmitter. The same goes for every other emotion. 

    Once the job of that chemical is done, it becomes a waste product or toxin that needs to be removed, just like we take out the trash from our homes daily. Usually it is done automatically by the body, but when the amount of stress is high and chronic, the body needs a little help.

    Apart from blood, the body has another essential fluid called lymph, which is managed through the lymphatic system. This system acts as the body’s drainage mechanism, collecting excess fluids, proteins, and waste products from tissues and returning them to the bloodstream.

    During stress, the body produces more waste and inflammatory molecules. The lymphatic system helps remove these, preventing fluid buildup and promoting well-being. 

    Specifically, lymphatic drainage massage can promote relaxation, reduce muscle tension, improve sleep, and boost immunity. It also helps reduce inflammation and cortisol levels by inducing relaxation. Therefore, toxin removal becomes crucial during long-term, high-stress situations.

    You might wonder why doesn’t lymph move automatically, like blood pumped by the heart?

    Because the lymphatic system doesn’t have a pump. It relies on movement and gravity to reach the desired points where it mixes with blood.

    Chronic stress and prolonged inactivity impair the lymph vessels, which hinders detoxification.

    Activities to remove toxins from body

    1. Inversions, gravity, and lymphatic drainage massage

    Children and active individuals have lower levels of stress-related diseases because regular body movement helps lymph flow and reduces inflammation.

    Lymph nodes are located in the neck, armpits, abdomen, and groin, making inverted postures and targeted massage important for stimulating lymph flow.

    Inversions also improve circulation by aiding venous blood flow from the pelvis to the heart, which sends it to the lungs for oxygenation. This improves oxygen intake and supports slower, deeper breathing.

    2. Body massage

    Touch and massage stimulate the vagus nerve, promoting relaxation. Massage also relieves muscle tension. Facial massage supports lymph movement and reduces bloating.

    3. Tapping/Body Shaking

    Tapping on joints, chest, shoulders, or lymph-node-rich areas helps lymph movement and stress release.

    Other approaches that support a calm mind:

    1. Exposure to cold temperature

    a. Cold represses the sympathetic nervous system and activates the parasympathetic system.

    b. It constricts blood vessels, followed by vasodilation, improving circulation and reducing inflammation.

    c. It increases dopamine, enhancing mood.

    d. It may reduce allergic reactions by lowering histamine production, which is heightened in high-stress bodies.

    Ways to expose the body to cold:

    • Cold baths, especially in the morning.
    • Cold rinses before bed, which cool the body, promote hygiene, and aid relaxation.
    • Bringing down temperature of the room when preparing to sleep
    • Splashing cold water on the face or sipping cold water when angry, which activates the parasympathetic system and clears the mind.
    • Holding or rubbing an ice pack on the face, neck, or shoulders, helps calm intense emotions quickly.

    2. Keeping your surroundings clean / Decluttering / Minimalism

    An anxious mind, especially a traumatized or dysregulated nervous system (e.g., postpartum moms, people with chronic illness or mental health issues), scans the environment for threats.

    A clutter-free, organized space is easier to scan and feels safer. Cultural conditioning also associates tidy spaces with better living standards. Thus, clutter can make people feel like they’re failing at life.

    That’s why spiritual places are often minimalistic and non-stimulating.

    3. Animals

    Animals aren’t stressed by the same situations as humans (e.g., job stress, breakups), making them great co-regulators.

    Since birth, our brains seek a calm nervous system to sync with. As adults, we still need calming partners. Dogs, cows, and other animals are known for this. Caring for a pet also provides a sense of purpose, especially helpful during depressive phases.

    4. Exercise/Lymph movement

    Lymph mixes with blood near the shoulders and arms. Moving these areas helps with drainage.

    Exercise also burns extra energy, regulates insulin, releases endorphins, improves sleep, and boosts energy.

    However, the type of exercise matters. Fast-paced workouts may worsen anxiety. In such cases, slow, intentional movements like a calm walk are more soothing. People with chronic mental health issues should ideally work with trauma-informed trainers.

    5. Healthy food

    A balanced diet is essential during stress. The body needs complex carbs and healthy fats (like omega-3s) to regulate stress responses.

    Protein provides amino acids, the building blocks of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine. Vitamins C, D, and the B-complex group support immunity and mental health. They are terrific anti-oxidants.

    Probiotics and fermented foods help because gut bacteria influence neurotransmitter production. Imbalances in gut bacteria are linked to inflammation, mood disorders, and cognitive challenges.

    The gut also helps regulate cortisol. An unhealthy microbiome can disrupt this, raising stress levels.

    As under chronic stress, these nutrients would be depleted at a much faster rate than stress free times, it is essential to recuperate the body to come back to its natural calm state.

    Nutrient deficiency can worsen the chronic stress situation.

    6. Handwork

    Creative manual activities like painting, writing, chopping/cooking, knitting, crocheting, crafting, or pottery can calm the mind. Minimal machinery and hands-on work help you stay present.

    7. Other helpful tools:

    • Physical sports
    • Dancing/Yoga
    • Time with friends and family
    • Travel to serene, low-pollution places with lots of nature
    • Playing musical instruments (non-app based)
    • Physical touch like hugging, holding hands with people who you are close to

    8. Talking/Venting

    It is imperative to talk regularly to someone who believes you. Someone who can validate your experience. Even if they don’t have a solution, simply feeling understood by another person has a deeply calming effect.

    Having someone who sees that you’re hurting and responds with empathy can motivate you to heal and help you feel supported during difficult times.

    That’s why therapy can be so helpful for improving mental health. A trained practitioner can validate your experience and also guide you toward healing.

    In case a friend or therapist isn’t available, talking to a language model like ChatGPT can temporarily help calm your mind by offering a listening ear and reflective advice.

    9.Journaling

    Handwritten journaling offers many benefits. It not only helps with venting, clearing thoughts, and understanding your emotions, but the very act of writing also engages your senses, deepening the healing process.

    10. Community, purpose, charity, spirituality, gratitude

    A strong community of trustworthy people, a purpose to wake up for, and a long-term life vision greatly impact well-being.

    Even a modest, non-material goal can be motivating. Reading, being in a good company, volunteering, and traveling all add perspective and gratitude. Role models or beloved people (even animals or causes) can inspire us to keep going.

    Acts of kindness, helping others with no expectations, boost self-worth and positivity. They remind us that we matter.

    Sometimes people with mental health issues feel they have no value or that the world revolves entirely around them. Humble service can restore balance. It teaches us that we’re valuable, even if others don’t affirm it.

    Humility fosters joy and appreciation for life.

    In my view, true mental health requires engagement with philosophy, spirituality, and human psychology. You don’t need to go deep, but occasionally reflecting on life’s purpose and human behavior can offer powerful healing insights.

    Religion can offer a sense of community and purpose. Even for the non-religious, aligning with a cause bigger than oneself can bring deep meaning.

    In conclusion:

    Caring for your mental and physical health is worth the effort, it helps you live a more peaceful, fulfilling life.

    These practices are not substitutes for professional medical treatment, therapy, or medication. Not every method suits everyone. These ideas are based on personal experience and research; I’m not a licensed practitioner.

    They are simple, daily habits that support nervous system regulation and can complement other treatments, especially for stress-related lifestyle disorders.

    Always consult an expert before trying anything new, especially if you’re unsure. Let these tools inspire your own research. There’s plenty of expert-backed content available online and in books for further reading.

    Happy Living!!