Tag: community

  • The Warm Wisdom Of The Wounded

    When Healing Meets the World Again

    There comes a moment in every healing journey when you must return to life; not as the person who broke down, but as the person who survived.

    After a long period of healing when you try to get back into society (family, friends, community, work, anything which involves people), a lot of things which seem normal to an ordinary individual, would seem alien like to a healing soul.

    Re-entering society can feel strangely delicate.

    The Strange Fragility of Re-Entry

    Simple interactions suddenly require courage. Ordinary days feel like new terrain.
    It’s a quiet truth of healing that once you change internally, the external world must be learned all over again.

    For healthy/not deeply traumatised people, just attending an event is an everyday part of life. Meeting, interacting like “a socially fluent human being” is part of their daily grind.

    The Memory of Who You Were

    There is one very interesting thing about healing. If you have healed a bit, somewhere you are willing to give humanity and yourself a chance again, and then you remember you still are the same person who went through the dark tunnel, just to see the light today.

    A healthy individual likes to live, being around life, in general. Hence, even the slightest healing nudges you towards forming your community again.

    Learning to Live Life Again

    For a mending brain who is learning to be human again, all these efforts of becoming a part of the community, sometimes may seem like running a sprint.

    They know they’d probably finish it but would they feel competent rather than exposed?
    Would it further tarnish their confidence?

    And even if they do win, would they be willing to run again?
    Would they be willing to put up so much effort again?
    Would they find the struggle worth their mental energy?

    No one can answer it until it happens.

    Broken people trying to mend their wounds have been told to keep trying, to stumble, to fall and get up again, at their own pace, just like a child learning to walk. They have to learn how to participate in life for the first time, after a long time.

    But how hard that process is, only the person going through it, or the one who has survived it truly knows.

    And yet, healing has its quiet miracles. Something in it keeps pulling you forward, urging you to try again, to reach again, to believe that life can still soften around you.

    When the Mirror Feels Heavy

    When trauma runs deep, it doesn’t just change how you feel, it changes how you see yourself standing in the world. It makes you shrink from your own reflection. It makes the body feel unfamiliar, undeserving.

    And because trauma often pushes you out of the community and into isolation, that physical self-doubt grows stronger. You start overthinking how you look, how you appear, how you are perceived.

    Every small gesture feels loaded, every silence feels like rejection.

    And when healing finally asks you to step back into society as your true self, it feels like stepping out without armour. It becomes one of the hardest parts of recovery, trying to feel like a “normal person” again, when nothing inside you has felt normal for years.

    What Trauma Leaves Behind

    Trauma brings out the beast in some and saint in another. Trauma can harden some, soften others, and leave some in between. It fractures people differently. And probably the one of the most remarkable qualities of being human is adaptability.

    If you have healed right, with no more grudges towards the world and the self, you retain the good qualities and also the ones which are required for this big bad world.

    But one thing about healing is, it is never linear. Even the strongest, most self-aware person will slip into old patterns sometimes. But slipping is not failing, it’s part of the recalibration.

    Each return to old wounds teaches you something new about your strength. And once you know how to navigate these slip-ups with grace, you naturally become someone who can steady others when they feel themselves falling.

    The Strength Hidden in Old Wounds

    There are many strengths asociated with healing, if done right. If the trauma taught you to be assertive for self protection (in fight mode), stand up for yourself, then now it’s just a superpower waiting to be used, whenever needed.

    You just need to switch it on, wield that hidden sword whenever you want. You see some wrong doing, you know you have the power and the assertive energy to stand up for anyone, only now you are intentional about it.

    The gear is manual now, you are not on autopilot mode anymore.

    When Kindness Becomes a Choice

    If your trauma tilted you toward fawning, a people pleaser, you will always know what hurts others. Being nice becomes a choice, not a necessity. You become kind and nice because you know the world is very harsh and you don’t want to hurt another traumatised soul.

    Some unhealed souls may call you a “doormat,” but you know it’s a choice. Healing teaches you when to step forward with warmth and when to step back with boundaries. Even your niceness becomes a form of strength, something you offer intentionally, not out of fear, but to bring a little healing into a harsh world.

    You want people who need some warmth and need some unsolicited kindness to get it from you.

    To me healed traumatised people make the world kinder.

    God only knows how much unsolicited kindness has healed the world!

    Hypervigilance – Reimagined as Wisdom

    And then you meet a hypervigilant, anxious person, who always thought we are all gonna die tomorrow because of the apocalypse or an earthquake or climate change or a bomb blast, or a fire accident. This person in their healing phase becomes an impeccable planner and risk assessor. They by choice tell people of any pitfalls that they are ignoring, in whatver domain they are able to assess risk.

    The erstwhile hypervigilant self, still notices things but knows how to use that information for benefiting others rather than going in a spiral alone.

    Why Healed People Make Empathetic Leaders

    People who survived chaos can become remarkable leaders. Their insight and resilience make them uniquely capable.
    People who lived through hypervigilance often excel at risk assessment.
    People who fawn often become excellent nurturers and relationship builders.

    Unprocessed trauma can distort a person’s relationship with power.
    But the same person with healed trauma has knowledge of empathy and boundaries, and other important aspects required for becoming a great leader.

    You see the good thing about trauma is if you are truly healed, you operate as a happier version of yourself, yet the teachings remain. You still remain the empathetic version that you truly needed.

    Does this mean everyone should go through deep trauma?
    Does this mean the heroes of your society the leaders should be those who have gone through traumatic events and healed?

    A good topic for research it seems!

    The Danger of Unhealed Power

    Unhealed people could be a menace for sure in leadership positions. We have many examples of such people, especially in political scenarios. The ability to watch the world burn but still be okay with it, is classic unhealed inner child behavior.

    Often, unprocessed childhood wounds manifest in adulthood as emotional volatility or disconnected empathy.

    It raises an important question: should emotional maturity be a prerequisite for leadership, just as education and experience are?

    Because more than anything, I would suggest the leaders we choose to go through a psychological analysis to understand how deep a trauma they have, and will it make them do cruel things to their citizens, without any accountability.

    Leaning On Those Who Have Done the Work

    Now, to expect we have absolutely unbroken people in this world is impossible. But we can lean on people who have learnt to heal. For one, they believe in changing for good, they are self aware, they are adaptable. They know what it means to be broken, yet they believe in living a good life and they know why it is important to heal for living that life.

    The Choice That Changes Everything

    Until we reach the stage, where all are happy and resilient, I would use the superpowers of those who have chosen peace over war any day.

    The power rests in choice, the choice to become a better human everyday.

  • How I Learned to Enjoy the Life I Already Have

    “He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.”
    Lao Tzu

    Scarcity breeds two fears: the fear of never having abundance again and the fear of losing what little you already have.

    There is a Taoist saying, “He who hoards much, loses much”—be it worry or money, I would say.

    This isn’t a note from a financial maestro advising you how to save or spend, but a reflection from someone who believes in thriving mentally, despite the economy we’re living in.

    The fear of abundance means expecting never to find wealth, health, time, or love again, whatever you once lacked.

    This fear can appear as the urge to clutch tightly what you have, no matter how little or much that is, and sometimes it shouts through a vulgar display of excess, stretching your own limits until it backfires.

    The wound that never heals

    This scarcity mindset may be either first-generation or multigenerational. It may have begun after an earthquake that you, or perhaps your grandfather, survived. It could be because of a major event that you or your family went through, something that’s long over, yet still vivid in memory.

    Scarcity trauma can also exist at the community level, even within religion. It may be local or far larger than you think, depending on how many people lived through that catastrophe.
    For example, the trauma of Partition or war is multigenerational and shared across vast regions. It changed people once and for many generations after.

    Sometimes the trauma is not because of any major catastrophe, but as the elder child you were told never to spend a lot, curb your wishes because your father did not make much. You were taught to give up on your wishes because that meant good for the family. You were forced to grow beyond your age.

    Whether that trauma makes you a spendthrift or a tight-fisted person depends on various factors. You may follow the YOLO (“you only live once”) approach or save for the rainy days, sometimes even for your 7th generation.

    The point is, no matter which approach you follow, both are extremes.

    Easier said than done, yes, but if you notice that you’re unhappy either way, whether as a super saver or a super spender, then you’re suffering. You are either always living for the moment or always waiting for the “big day” to enjoy, a day that is not coming anytime soon.

    The brain can’t feel what it never did

    You lash out at your family over a small purchase, fearing the loss of all you have. You lose sleep thinking about that catastrophic event recurring. You try to control every decision, yours and others’ to never “let go.” You might hide financial details, or you may have developed a sharp temper.

    On the other side, the over-spender spoils everyone or only themselves selfishly, like a revenge on the older times. They buy a fancy phone because they never had one but deny their family the abundance, fearing that generosity will invite more demands, which will ‘spoil’ them.

    Some buy endlessly for others, mistaking spending for love, raising a family that doesn’t understand money or its meaning. One wound endured while another wound created.

    Whether you hoard or overspend, you’ve likely become friends with the “not feeling happy” way of life.

    And while you are unhappy, remember that those who depend on you, live with you, or love you are unhappy with you too.

    Is this pain real or is your brain still defending you?

    No one is denying your pain! It happened; it surely did! But what you do with your life now matters just as much.

    One reality is that the traumatic event happened, that phase you had to endure. Another reality is that you are doing well today. You have someone you can care for today. And even if it isn’t someone else, it’s you whom you can care for, in a healthy way.

    I’m not asking people to go big or go small, neither to save it all nor to spend it all. I’m asking for objectivity.

    Reconsider how you manage your finances:
    Is there a heavy feeling of fear, shame, guilt, or regret behind it?
    Is it fair to put yourself through this pain?
    Is it fair to deprive those who depend on you or to never teach them how to handle money with balance?

    Neither too much nor too little—just the art of balance.

    Living in circles

    Ask yourself: Is living in the future or the past worth wasting your present?

    People living with the fear of scarcity often forget that the brain remembers not only the past but also the present. The life you’re living now is being inscribed in memory every day, telling your brain how safe or unsafe you are.

    Many people say, “I’ll save up for that big vacation,” and wait ten years before doing any other thing to make themselves happy. And finally, it happens.

    But what also happens is the void that follows.

    The happiness lasted only until the dream became real. And when the time to enjoy came that vacation, they couldn’t. They were never used to enjoying anything, not even a simple visit to an ice cream parlor.

    The dopamine of waiting faded once they arrived. But the other chemicals of happiness, the ones that make you feel joy and relaxation, did not flow, because they were never did. The body doesn’t feel safe enough to relax and experience happiness.

    Overwhelmed by emotions, they might cry, fight, freeze, or leave, not because they don’t want joy, but because they no longer know how to handle it.

    The tyranny of right moment that you missed

    Sometimes it’s the age, the situation, or the people you are, or aren’t with.

    This is when you should realize that certain things make sense only when done at the right time. No amount of money or power can recreate the happiness that needed the right moment and the right people.

    A trip at 21 to an abandoned fort with your friends, funded by pocket money, feels entirely different from a trip at 40 with colleagues to a five-star hotel in a premium city. It might look great on social media, but it does little for your soul.

    The small Saturday ritual of going on a long drive with your family, eating your favorite snacks, and listening to music will do far more for your nervous system than waiting until 50 to travel to New York with kids who have grown up and grown apart.

    Nobody can enjoy life as a family that never learned to enjoy together.

    It’s not the destination, it’s the objective, the process, the practice for the big thing that matters more.

    Imagine out of fear, despite being able to afford more, you always wore inexpensive clothes or ate only at cheap places. What happens when you finally wear a beautifu expensivel outfit or are invited to a Michelin-starred restaurant? In both cases, you’ll feel out of place.

    Out of shame, you might fidget and eat nervously. Or, trying to overcompensate, you might flaunt your money and behave as if you don’t belong there. You will feel like an imposter.

    Either way, you’ll look like someone unaccustomed to this, not just outwardly, but inwardly.

    The point isn’t appearance; it’s your ability to genuinely enjoy what you always wished for.

    We can live, a little everyday!

    That’s why you should stretch a little, in terms of both time and money, for yourself and for your family and friends.

    Keep yourself accustomed to being happy. So even if you never reach your final goal, you’ll have enjoyed the process so much that it won’t matter anymore. And if you do reach it, you’ll enjoy it even more, it will feel truly worth it.

    So live a little every day. Eat that fancy ice cream. Buy that nice watch. Take a day trip to a resort. Get a comfortable chair for your work desk. Hang good curtains in your room.

    Do one good thing every few months that feels slightly out of your budget, just to remind yourself that you can make it.

    Spoil your family a little. Tell them, “We have enough, and we’ll have more, but we’ll enjoy what we have, even if we don’t.”

    Don’t mock those who spend or those who don’t. Stay true to what you can and can’t do. Don’t become a crybaby of jealousy or insecurity.

    And finally

    Tell your brain: All is well. All will be well.
    You are allowed to be happy right now, with whatever you have.

    There is no fixed criterion for happiness, only a mindset.
    And if the heaviness returns, remind it gently that,

    You’re strong enough to handle it. You can make it work.

    Trust the process, and keep going.

    And this makes me think of Philip Doddridge when he said,
    “Let us live while we live.”

  • Emotional Cushions and the Art of Living Well

    I am reminded of a quote by Booth Tarkington as I write this essay:

    “Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age.”

    Mr. Tarkington and I have probably understood the miracle of a cushion in our lives.

    A cushion is something you need when you lean on something. While we are familiar with the aesthetics and physical comfort a cushion brings, we must also realize that we have other kinds of cushions too.

    The emotional cushions, as we may call them.

    A song could be your cushion after a hard day at work.

    A slice of pizza could be your cushion after a tiff with your parents.

    A glass of something cool could be your cushion after a setback at work.

    A two-hour movie you’ve watched a hundred times before is your cushion when you feel a little lonely.

    Your favorite book is your cushion when reality feels exhausting.

    Looking at old photographs is your cushion when you’re feeling homesick.

    Sitting on the balcony with a hot cup of coffee is a cushion when you miss the good old days.

    A chat with a friend is a cushion when you feel unloved.

    A dance routine you always turn to when you’re too much in your head.

    A rap song you sing verbatim when you’re feeling demotivated.

    An hour with your favorite sport brings you back to life again.

    Becoming a part of a community where you share a common interest or goal can be a cushion when life feels worthless.

    Even a small contribution, a kind gesture, an offer of help, can remind you that you have a purpose after all.

    All these are the cushions we keep in our lives and take out as and when we need them.

    Some may just be lying around, like cushions in your living room, catching your sight and comforting you unknowingly.

    Need Of Bigger Cushions

    A vacation. A Vipassana break. A retreat. A sabbatical. Or a reunion with our favorite cousins. These are some examples of bigger cushions, when the shock is bigger. We need more time to lean on and find comfort in our cushions to recuperate.

    Why We Need To Stitch New Cushions Every Now And Then

    We also need to build a habit to stitch and find our new cushions. You see, we have new emotions, newer shocks, newer issues to ponder upon. 

    The older cushions may not fulfill all our needs. Hence, we find new cushions based on our new requirements, yet not abandon the older cushions. They all serve a purpose, they all provide comfort this way or other.

    Learning a new skill like knitting or taekwondo. 

    Starting a blog like this. 

    Finding a new way to exercise. 

    Seeking a spiritual guide, or even a new faith. 

    Taking breaks from people and jobs to build a new home within yourself.

    Instead of children, we may choose pets and plants to care for. 

    We may become part of a community that helps the disadvantaged.

    This list is long, and it should be long. 

    Why We All Should Become Cushion Collectors

    Cushions come in different forms and sizes, depending on the emotional need they help with. One cushion can’t serve all needs. Nor can you carry the same cushion everywhere.

    That’s why you place them in different corners of your life, so they’re always within reach. 

    You never feel the rush to run home for comfort, because there’s always a cushion nearby.

    This list of cushions should be a work in progress, always growing. Life will not tire of throwing new setbacks and shocks at you. So you must be ready with your cushions to handle them better.

    Let your life look like a cozy room, full of your favorite cushions.

    And may you find the fluffiest one, in your favorite color, very soon.

  • Why Kindness Is the Selfish Person’s Power Play

    A law of nature (1⇔1), foretold by Uncle Newton, action is equal to reaction, you get what you give. Never thought physics class was actually a sociology class too.

    When it comes to understanding how the world works, those who have mastered their quid pro quo muscle, the connoisseurs of transactional relationships, have aced how kindness is used in this selfish world. They have learnt how to make it in this world, sometimes even without any real talent.

    Why should I care about others?

    You ought to help others, if you need help. You ought to pass the ball if you want to receive one in your hand again. Sometimes even bigger than what you gave.

    You leave to be somewhere else, you take things and people out of your life to make room for new things and people in your life.

    Flow is the essence of life.

    Hence, this simple strategy, if you naturally aren’t finding motivation to endorse kindness in your heart, be nice if you are selfish.

    Be kind to others, if you want to only benefit from this world. 

    Is this karma? Maybe, if it calms you. But it’s just how social dynamics work.

    Is this a satire or a hard fact ?

    Both! It’s up to the altitude level of your soul, whichever soothes it more.

    Let’s dig a little deeper!

    I often meet people who are so tired of this world, whining about the way people have stopped benefiting them. The people they helped never helped them back. Or just in general, a constant need of entitlement they carry, like the world owes them something.

    I will not say I don’t find it diabolical but with time I have learnt every negative outlook towards life stems from a basic need remaining unmet. 

    Looking back to the things from where they have started to affect us is a better way to work out the present problem.

    Introspection and acceptance is the key to true happiness.

    Easier said than done, I know!

    The problem is for so many reasons we are unable to connect to our own selves, to look at our own conscience and with keen eyes, we definitely avoid that. It’s work. It’s guilt. Probably shame. Conditioning, who knows, may not be just one reason for this lax attitude.

    Anyway, coming back to kindness v/s selfishness.

    What we have to understand and accept, people gain more from being kind even when they inherently believe it’s better to be selfish.

    The facade of kindness sells better. People when they think you are kind, they almost consider you stupid, and would approach you more. Bam! Good for networking and business. But in the long run, you meet people who are as broken by this world, yet as kind as you. You can build your tribe like that.

    Like begets like.

    This passing the kindness parcel doesn’t stop at this. You keep on helping others in return for something, you still get your work done, plus you owe something to someone. 

    In the long term, less chances of people denying you a favour. You are the first person who comes to mind for being resourceful, and the easiest way for personal branding. You will be remembered for more than one reason, good for you always.

    If you were a business owner and your product/service was subpar, even then people would come to you and prefer working with you because you have shown them kindness before.

    They find you non-threatening. Unless you are the Godfather, where you were considered kind and fearsome both. (Take a bow, Marlon Brando as Don Corleone)

    This is exactly how communities build. Even though the ideal suggestion is to help because you want to be a good samaritan.

    But even if for whatever reason you are not able to channel your inner goodness, summon your strategic evil planning brain and help because it will come to you in return, especially when you’d need it the most.

    If not the same person who you helped, sometimes they are not available, or resourceful or they have not cracked the code of being kind in this selfish world, someone else would rush to your aid for sure.

    Word of advice here

    Don’t you forget the face of the person who couldn’t show up when you expected them to though. You have to know whether they thought you were stupid or genuinely struggling themselves, so you are prepared to not be fooled for the next time.

    While practising kindness, you actually shouldn’t become a public hose or a punching bag.

    And this is how we understand how boomerang effect is prevalent in social life. Since your story of kindness is already known, people know you are a ‘good’ person who helps, someone will come to your help.

    And because everyone has received help some way or the other from someone in the community, there is a higher chance they would be motivated to help others when required.

    They all want to get on the wagon of kindness because that’s the social norm. The FOMO is real. No matter how we achieve this ‘community with kindness’ goal, the long or the short way, we all win.

    And, that’s the whole point of all of humanity.
    To be there, for one another.

    Another solid reason to be kind:

    On a serious spiritual note, kindness is powerful. Kindness heals people, both ways. The one who helped, feels powerful and resourceful, he finds meaning in his existence and the value he has because of his work and presence.his inner cup is filled.

    At the same time the person who received help, understands there is goodness in this world. He can rely on others , he’s not alone. A trust in the community is reinforced.

    A caution though:

    To think you can  pretend to be kind when you never think about others, to only help people who can do something for you in return, might get you everywhere materialistically, but peace is far fetched.

    True peace comes when we help someone, who doesn’t even believe or think they could be helped. Helping those who can only cry to god for help, those whose tears can’t be seen and voices which can’t be heard. Being kind to those even after the help probably can’t even thank you because of whatever reason, but you know you did something utterly human.

    Anyway, this preaching can take the whole day.

    So now back to today’s business!

    Again, why kindness is worth the effort in the long run:

    One would ask, is kindness “work”?

    Yes! A whole lot of it.

    But it reaps more benefits than you a lone selfish person could ever achieve. The world works on familiarity and networking.

    This is how nepotism works.This is what corruption and lack of integrity has done.This is how it’s easy for big businesses to favour each other.

    You help people, you are remembered, and then you have access to these people for more than just a kind deed.

    Think think you selfish gremlin! Be kind and be happy! 

    If you can’t find it in your heart to be kind, use your head. 

    And you will see how many closed doors it can open, including your own heart, hopefully someday.

  • Built for More Than Survival

    There’s an entire generation walking around confused, burned out, emotionally stunted or overburdened. It is not because they failed, but because they were never taught how to live. Millennials and their parents inherited silent rules, unspoken traumas, and outdated ideologies disguised as wisdom. Somewhere between survival and image, we forgot how to be human.

    This list is not a bashing critique on any generation. It is implying why we picked some toxic patterns and they need to be dropped right now. It is a reminder message to all of us in that age group, that we are hurting others and ourselves by not accepting the truth about ourselves. We can change, whenever we want.

    It is our life. And we can remember only one before dying. 

    Even stationary trees shed their leaves and grow new ones, then we are humans, we can change only if we believe life is better when we keep evolving and growing with it.

    The skills that should have been taught to millennials and parents of millennials, but were missed for various reasons

    1. Having difficult conversation / not to escape emotional conversations
    2. Taking care of physical health
    3. Understanding what is mental health and taking care of it
    4. If your loved ones are complaning about your behavior, acknowledge it and do something about it
    5. Honest conversations / being vulnerable when it matters
    6. Ability to accept criticism
    7. A sense of humor/ ability to laugh at oneself
    8. Self awareness
    9. How to take care of others without burning oneself out
    10. How  to say thank you / to show gratitude / to recognize and appreciate someone’s help even if they love us, not taking kindness for granted
    11. Saying sorry, even to an infant, animal or a plant
    12. How to be selfless without looking for recognition or return
    13. How to take care of others / do things with no benefit for oneself
    14. House chores
    15. Knowing basic skills of life/ Just because you earn well, doesn’t mean you should get away with not learning basic skills in life like cooking, cleaning, maintaining a house, taking care of others, doing basic financial work, traveling/driving/riding for work alone
    16. Not being a burden of a person on others
    17. How not to torture themselves and their children in the name of parenting
    18. Spirituality and healthy detachment
    19. Critical thinking / challenging problematic rituals and practices
    20. Enjoying life with its imperfections, not chasing the perfection
    21. Money over everything else
    22. Thriving versus surviving
    23. How not to deny honest feedback in relationships and in public life
    24. Not depending their self worth on people’s opinions, rather than on oneself / high self esteem
    25. Not taking major decisions in life like career, marriage to get approval of others
    26. Not caring about third parties more than direct family members
    27. Show off/snobbery versus real happiness
    28. Not just Worrying about future, but  also caring about  present
    29. Not regretting the past always
    30. Not living in yesterday and someone else’s life, thinking how life could be better if they had something else / always looking at someone else’s garden and comparing their life
    31. How to live without constant whining
    32. Problem solving versus problem seeking
    33. Not interested in others’ life, gossiping
    34. Not talking to people just for entertainment but developing real connections
    35. Not treating God like their servant, whose job is to appease them, and believing if He doesn’t then He doesn’t exist
    36. Not using people for purpose, not enjoying people as a company
    37. Giving high importance to friendship and community
    38. Worrying about our own contribution and not always thinking about what others are contributing
    39. Be the bigger guy, and not always wondering why they should be the only one nice
    40. Not worrying about quid pro quo and making every relationship and interaction transactional, keep passing the good deeds on
    41. Having an individual personality / not having herd mentality
    42. Inculcating a lifelong hobby, for your own happiness
    43. Having a life of your own, especially meant for old age
    44. Understanding the importance, power and responsibility of humans and having a sense of self
    45. Not putting dogmatism / pseudo-traditionalism over everything else
    46. Never avoid responsibility / never think about bending the rules even if there’s no one watching / never run away from accountability
    47. Do not imitate wrongdoings, corrupt activities with explanation that everyone is doing
    48. Do not use God as an excuse to bully others 
    49. Empathy!!!
    50. Accepting  your weaknesses, accepting feeling tired and will to rest is not a sign of failure
    51. Being bold / telling right from wrong with confidence and practicing the tough road
    52. Asking for help, especially when struggling mentally
    53. Asking for help for those who can’t ask for themselves
    54. Pick up fight for the weak
    55. Feel happy for others / do not feel insecure and jealous of others and their achievements
    56. Use money to feel happy too, not just save it for one day
    57. Enjoying / resting / relaxing without feeling guilty
    58. Not competing who works hard more / do not glorify mindless grinding / work hard for your own happiness not to please anyone else
    59. Appreciating public property and always keeping in mind fellow citizens, even if no one is watching and there is no penalty
    60. Respect for disabled and differently abled, working towards an inclusive society, understanding issues they face and how to solve them
    61. Thinking about how all strata of society, including animals and plants can be helped through our work
    62. Treating animals and plants with respect, not to hurt the weak in any form
    63. Selfcare is not selfish, it is important to take care of oneself if one wants to take care of others
    64. Taking education very seriously
    65. Mastering at least one skill which can earn you money, if nothing else works
    66. Learning is a lifelong process
    67. A nuclear family is separate unit, a joint family is still a bunch of individual nuclear units. Respecting each unit is healthy.
    68. Not to use elders especially parents as vending/ATM machines. They don’t owe their adult children anything. Everybody deserves a respectful life. A life of their choice.
    69. Respect should not be bought with money, least of all from your own family.
    70. Importance of ‘me’ time / importance of spatial privacy / break for everyone
    71. Your house should be your most comfortable place, invest in it
    72. You have one body, take care of it, invest on it, guiltfree
    73. Don’t ruin your happiness and relationships for work
    74. Outsourcing work when can’t take it / it’s okay to ask for help / make your money do your work so that you can be more efficient
    75. Understanding the importance of roles that people take up by choice and living it to the fullest
    76. Importance of manual hard work
    77. Taking risks more often, especially in career, saying yes to things which you are really passionate about

    Things parents of millennials taught their kids which probably made sense to them but are not working anymore:

    1. Self serving ideologies 
    2. Obedience
    3. Believing people can’t change
    4. Believing you don’t ask old people to change
    5. People are born as is, and their personality is carved in stone
    6. People willing to think out of the box are detrimental to society and against their practicing religions
    7. God is a cruel master who has favorite people / God is their slave (father) whose job to serve them as per their wish, He can’t deny their wishes
    8. There is no free will
    9. Love means people who love you should abide by you, even if it means tying a noose around their neck.
    10. You can make anyone happy with money.
    11. People who are in your life owe you your happiness, you don’t owe anything to yourself and others, as long you fulfill your duty as per your definition, even if it hurts others
    12. Life means duty
    13. Thinking not knowing basic life skills is cute and it is your spouse’s task to take care of your basic needs like you are a child
    14. Spouse and children are the punching bags sent to you by god
    15. Hypocrite personality- nice outside, bully at home
    16. Using money for charity and helping people, yet not fulfilling needs of family and creating a situation of financial scarcity at home
    17. Always telling family that there is no money yet wasting it in risky things
    18. Image is more important than truth
    19. One should never cry or cry alone, and not solve the problem ever. There is an award for people who suffer in silence.
    20. Never attempt to question or understand your religion on your own. Accept only those teachings that serve your purpose
    21. Treating people willing to help them as dumping ground
    22. Lack of responsibility in their own behaviour 
    23. Victim mentality, always telling how world did them wrong
    24. Materialistic success and power is the only way to feel like you have done big in life
    25. If you haven’t achieved a big position where everyone calls you sir/madam then you have failed.
    26. Respect is not by default but earned
    27. Respect is in order of power and money, background, age, gender
    28. It is okay to insult anyone younger, poorer than you, apologies are never in order
    29. Children have no right to respect. It is okay to hit them anytime, anywhere because you are older than them.
    30. Emotionally blackmailing their family members to do things that serves their ego or good for their image
    31. Guilt tripping their family members for not serving them or pleasing them as per their wish
    32. Unable to see things from another’s point of view if it means changing your own view or accommodating others needs
    33. Under the rug mentality / not talking about important issues to cater to emotional manipulation
    34. Toxic parenting / Not teaching life skills like finances and navigating emotions to children and expecting they can learn this by getting married
    35. Treating adult children as their savior who have to fullfill the role of spouses and parents, dumping on them the weight of unfulfilled desires on those who are not supposed to carry this burden
    36. Putting parental responsibilites on children, like taking care of younger sibling while still young themselves
    37. Treating parents like housekeepers, nannies, asking them to relocate without understanding their requirements and emotional needs
    38. Not working on a solid retirement and care plan especially for parents, when they haven’t been able to plan it for themselves, ignoring them in their old age as burden
    39. Parents making adult children feel guilty for following their dreams and living an indepedent life, in orde to cater to their unfulfilled desires
    40. As an adult, expecting and overrelying on your parents to still take care of your matters like you are still a child
    41. Parents unwilling to relocate when dependent on adult children, especially when there is no other option, behaving emotionally clingy to their hometown because they don’t like changing, creating emotional trauma for their adult children and family
    42. Genderification of parental and familial care roles, which gender is more suitable to take care of parents
    43. Not accepting there is an issue with your behavior when there is clearly one
    44. Treating their children’s spouses as outsiders
    45. Treating their children as adults who should know everything right from infancy and expecting from them ideal adult behavior since childhood
    46. Bullying and shaming children, be it young or adult
    47. Encouraging children to keep with abuse in the name of respect, traditions and image
    48. Using violence to teach children right behavior
    49. Not displaying love to their loved ones
    50. Number of offsprings as the sole indicator of happy marriage
    51. Not accepting different kinds of partnerships / relationships
    52. Pushing people who love them away and later making them feel guilty about it for not being there
    53. Unable to form a healthy community
    54. Putting up with toxic family members, because related by blood
    55. Changing perception of people on the basis of money in their bank
    56. Treating those people miserably who go out of the way to help
    57. Discouraging people for supporting one another
    58. Making children especially siblings or cousins compete with one another and compare their life, marriage, career throughout their life
    59. Obsessing over blood relationships and legacy
    60. Discouraging adoption and gender equality because of purist mentality
    61. Looking at roles, not the people playing them
    62. Accepting substances as healthy coping mechanisms and not seeking help for addictions

    A separate book is required to write about how different genders are treated in India, especially the outlook of millennials and previous generations.

    One would say why I am being so harsh to us?

    But speaking truth is honesty, not harshness.

    And remember honesty is the best policy. Well, in this case it definitely is.

    I extend the grace to ourselves and our elders for doing what was needed, in the toughest of situations.

    We survived. We made it. You had to be there to understand those times.

    We adapted according to the times and these practices and behaviours are result of how we managed to make the best of those sitations. We can appreciate all that.

    But this appreciation and understanding is taking away our chance to grow with the new world. We are unable to reap the benefits of our own efforts.

    The age of survival is gone, it’s the age of thriving.

    The grace we are extending to ourselves is being used as an excuse by our brains to stay as we are. Change is being avoided and conveniently ignored.

    We have mixed change with disrespect, while taking away the rights and opportunities of the new generation.

    We can spend many more decades in trying to mourn with our elders about the tough times they faced but it is taking away the chances of our future generations to become happier.

    And it is always the future generation that deserves more attention, because the previous generation lays the foundation of the future building.

    Who are we without our progeny?

    More is being lost by staying as we are. We owe it to the future to keep changing with times as we see them. This cycle will keep going on.

    We are the babies of evolution, not dropped from sky as is.

    It’s the wheel that moves that can reach the destination, nobody has reached anywhere by staying stuck in a puddle.

    While we contemplate whether to change or not, our families are becoming distant, the people we love are suffering alone, lonlier than ever. We drift them apart, a little further, everyday.

    Because the heart can take only so much pain, from loved ones.

    Hence, sure we cannot change the past, but we can stop passing it on. It’s time we learn the skills we were never taught. And, more importantly,  it’s time we stop glorifying the struggle and start celebrating the courage it takes to feel, connect, rest, and live with truth.

  • Everyday Tools to Soothe a Stressed Nervous System

    Jumping out of bed before the alarm clock even rings, snoozing the alarm 20 times and still dragging yourself out of bed. Our hunger patterns, when angry, our body aches when afraid, the urge to use the toilet repeatedly when nervous, and even bloodwork going out of range these tell a story that’s more than just a personality trait and shouldn’t be ignored.

    Why we need to worry if our body is in a stressed state

    When the body is stressed, especially long term, it puts pressure on different organs to work a little extra, more than required, for an extended period or at least till the trigger is still there. But sometimes, even when the trigger is gone, the effect of it stays, converting it into a chronic stress situation. 

    This can lead to lifestyle diseases. Our brain still operates largely from a hunter-gatherer mindset, and its internal responses are very similar to how it used to combat stress in those times. It will keep dragging itself until it collapses. Today, that collapse often comes as early as at 30 years of age, may be younger and fiercer.

    How stress affects the body, some examples.

    1. Metabolism

    The body starts storing more food by slowing down metabolism. To the brain, stress signals the need to conserve energy, which over time leads to fat deposition especially around the abdomen, digestive issues, hypertension, diabetes and other lifestyle disorders.

    As a result, one of the things that could happen if you’re stressed and eating less food, your body might still retain it and not lose weight as expected.

    2. Sleep

    People either sleep too much or too little. In fact, those who sleep a lot under stress are actually conserving energy that’s being spent on fighting stress. When they start to heal, they may sleep even more because their body can finally relax and recover.

    This is why, after a tough phase or when someone returns to a safe place like home or goes on vacation they may sleep more than expected: their nervous system is finally relaxing.

    Other times, there’s just insomnia. In short, there’s no sleep routine, and you always feel like your system needs recharging.

    3. Movement

    The body resists movement when dysregulated. In its effort to conserve energy, it suppresses any urge to move beyond urgent needs. That’s why people under chronic stress may struggle even to brush their teeth or maintain basic hygiene. They develop pain in many parts of the body which again hampers the urge to move.

    4. Depletion of micronutrients

    People who are constantly under stress, may find their micronutrients level deranged, causing body ache and overall feeling of constant sickness. The body specially uses Vitamin D, B5, B12, C, E, Magnesium during stress directly and indirectly. One will find uric acid deranged too. All these and many other micros out of range in your blood work represent that body needs help.

    How to mitigate effect of stress in our daily life – A Precautionary Approach

    One of the cornerstones of health is slow living to keep the body in a healing condition. Anything too fast is too stimulating during chronic stress. If the body keeps receiving stress signals, it will behave as though it is diseased. With that mindset, no matter what activity you do, your body won’t respond effectively, it still believes it’s in an emergency.

    Even medication won’t work 100% because stress interferes with its effectiveness. The result? Only the dosage keeps increasing.

    The long-term solution to stress is, of course, living a healthy life in a safe, pollution free environment surrounded by a supportive community, with a fulfilling career and satisfying family life.

    But realistically, we often can’t control all these factors. Hence, we are forced to manage stress daily.

    The skills discussed in these articles are effective life tools that should be taught from childhood to old age to help us face life’s hardships without long-term damage to physical and mental health.

    Importance of a resilient nervous system

    We regulate our nervous system to maintain neuroplasticity, emotional resilience, and the ability to process a wide range of emotions with greater physical and mental strength.

    The three pillars of daily nervous system regulation are:

    1. Removal of toxins (like remnants of cortisol, cytokines) from the system
    2. Mimicking safe environment stimuli to return the body to a regulated state, when it can’t do so on its own and the external environment is still stressful
    3. Indulging in activities that release neurotransmitters responsible for long-term peace and happiness

    Mimicking safe environment stimuli approach

    I always used to wonder why actors in movies splash their faces with cold water when they’re agitated or before facing a difficult situation. Why is Mark Hanna’s iconic song and chest-thumping (Matthew McConaughey’s character in The Wolf of Wall Street) such a great relaxation technique? And why does Ranchoddas Chanchad’s song (Aamir Khan in 3 Idiots) “All is well” actually calm your system? All of these have scientific explanations, which I’ve tried to explore in this essay.

    ‘Mimicking safe signals’ can be called the “fake-it-till-you-make-it” approach.

    When we’re stressed, our body behaves in a particular way: heavy or fast breathing, high or low BP, fluid retention, inflammation,  constipation or loose motions, increased urination, slow metabolism, increased appetite, cravings for sugar or salt, and more.

    Under normal circumstances, once the stressor passes, the body resets. But in chronic stress, the body forgets how to return to baseline even if the trigger is gone. That’s when we have to help by sending calming physical signals back to the brain reminding it that the worst is over.

    To mimic safe signals, we do activities that stimulate the vagus nerve.

    The Role of the Vagus Nerve

    The vagus nerve, which starts at the base of the skull and runs to the abdomen, plays a key role in maintaining a sense of safety. Stimulating it tells the body, “All is well.”

    It’s affected by the five senses (touch, smell, taste, sight, sound). Vagus nerve stimulation and somatic exercises reduce stress by suppressing the sympathetic system and activating the parasympathetic nervous system.

    For clarity:

    Sympathetic Nervous System (Fight or Flight)

    • Activated during perceived threats or stress.
    • Prepares the body to confront or flee: increased heart rate, rapid breathing, muscle tension, pupil dilation, increased blood pressure, and suppressed digestion.

    Parasympathetic Nervous System (Rest and Digest)

    • Dominates when the body is calm.
    • Slows heart rate, lowers blood pressure, enhances digestion, promotes relaxation.

    These two systems work in opposition to balance the body’s responses to stimuli and maintain homeostasis. When one is active, the other reduces activity.

    Neurotransmitters

    Neurotransmitters are chemical messengers whose job is to send signals between neurons. Stress significantly impacts the release and function of neurotransmitters.

    Acute stress initiates release of neurotransmitters like adrenaline and noradrenaline to initiate the “fight-or-flight” response, while chronic stress can lead to imbalances in neurotransmitter systems, potentially contributing to mood disorders and other health problems. This is mainly under the control of hormones like cortisol, whose level greatly increases under chronic stress.

    In this discussion, the main neurotransmitters are:

    1. Dopamine
    2. Serotonin
    3. Endorphins
    4. Oxytocin
    5. Nor-epinephrine

    There are various activities that can stimulate the vagus nerve and help signal safety to the body, helping it shift back to a calm, regulated state, both in the short and long term. These not only can help in increasing good neurotransmitters release responsible for better mood, but also decrease long term stress triggers like cortisol release in the body.

    1. Waking up Early And Slowly

    The biggest antidote to stress and anxiety is mindfulness. And one of the easiest ways to achieve it is by noticing your own movements. From my personal experience, being mindful of the moment and noticing your own movements means being slow. Not slow in terms of intelligence, but slow and intentional in your physical actions.

    Mornings set the pace for the whole day. And how calm your morning is affected greatly by the cortisol level, the stress hormone. During tough days, to maintain a sense of calm, it is important to find a way to mitigate effects of spiked cortisol in the morning.

    Hence, if you’re making tea in the morning, make it slowly, not through muscle memory, but with intention. While brushing your teeth, do it slowly, reaching the last molar, feeling the brush inside your mouth. When combing your hair, notice every hand movement and how the hair pulls against your scalp.

    And for all this we need time. How do we create time? By waking up earlier.

    You don’t jump out of bed. You sit up slowly, then gently place your feet on the ground. Feel the earth beneath your feet, barefoot. Sit like this for a minute or two. Then slowly walk out to the balcony, drawing room, or lobby, eyes still half-open. No rush. No thoughts. Just observe the morning and your breath.

    You’ll notice that just 10 minutes of this slowness, allowing your body and organs to wake up gently, can significantly reduce your anxiety, stress, and cortisol levels.

    Also, winding up your day early, eating dinner at least 3 hours before bedtime, has multiple benefits: improved digestion, darkness to support your circadian rhythm, and time for the body to recover after a long day.

    2. Having Breakfast

    One surefire sign of pent-up cortisol is a lack of appetite or zero hunger upon waking. This is one reason stress slows down metabolism and increases the risk of insulin resistance.

    Ideally, you should feel hungry within the first hour of waking. Even if you don’t, try to eat something within that hour. This creates a positive feedback loop and sets the tone for a healthy day.

    3. Chewing

    It’s said we should chew each bite 32 times to aid digestion and give the stomach enough time to signal when it’s full.

    But there’s another benefit: jaw movement stimulates the vagus nerve, helping to calm the body. Chewing gum, for example, is known to promote relaxation, not because of the gum, but because of the chewing action. Even pretending to chew can calm you down.

    Slow eating relaxes the body for several reasons:

    Eating itself is a positive stimulus. Fat in food releases dopamine, a happiness-related neurotransmitter. Taste and smell activate the vagus nerve, engaging the parasympathetic system (rest and digest), enhancing feelings of safety and relaxation.

    4. Breathwork

    Breathwork techniques are designed to stimulate the vagus nerve.

    You may have noticed that your breathing pattern changes when you’re stressed. Breathwork creates an outside-in feedback loop: if internal stress leads to shallow breathing, then mimicking deep, calm breathing from the outside can tell your body that all is well.

    Diaphragmatic breathing (also known as belly breathing or deep breathing), where you focus on expanding your belly with each inhale, activates the vagus nerve. This leads to reduced heart rate, blood pressure, and stress hormone levels.

    5. Slow Walking in Nature / Exposure to the Color Green

    Our eyes are highly sensitive to green light, meaning it takes less effort for the brain to process it. Engaging the eyes stimulates the vagus nerve. It also connects to our ancestral brain where green means abundance, safety, and food, triggering a positive psychological response and promoting peace and harmony. The same goes for observing water bodies.

    A slow walk in nature, keeping green plants in your home or office, or regularly gazing at trees and greenery, positively impacts mental health. It helps decompress and regulate breathing.

    This is different from brisk walking. While fitness benefits from brisk walking or jogging, chronic stress requires slow walking. For a dysregulated nervous system, anything fast-paced is a stimulant and may lead to further dysregulation.

    6. Walking Barefoot on the Ground

    Walking barefoot helps with grounding and engages the sense of touch. Direct contact with the earth may also neutralize excess positive ions accumulated from electronic devices, pollution, and metabolic activity. This neutralisation potentially reduces stress and anxiety. The earth’s electrons act as natural antioxidants, reducing oxidative stress and inflammation.

    Stimulating nerve endings in the feet enhances blood flow throughout the body and is a gentle form of exercise that calms the mind.

    Going barefoot in large open spaces like temples is an instant grounding technique. These places often have high ceilings, wide open areas, and soothing or no sounds, creating an environment of calm.

    7. Chanting / Singing Aloud / Humming

    Chanting OM, making a “woo” sound, or humming (as done in breathwork or pranayama) all have a calming effect on the nervous system. When you’re emotionally spiraling, even humming a song can calm the brain. Gargling is also one of the ways to calm emotional turbulence.

    Singing or chanting aloud especially in a group regulates the nervous system and creates a sense of community, a crucial pillar for maintaining mental well-being.

    8. Somatic Exercises

    Here are simple somatic exercises you can do anytime, anywhere under a minute:

    • Rubbing ears and the area around them
    • Moving eyes side to side
    • Fast blinking
    • Filling your mouth with air (like a puffer fish or frog) and moving eyes side to side
    • Mimicking chewing by moving the jaw
    • Chest or shoulder tapping
    • Self-hug along with shoulder tapping
    • Whole body shaking or rebounding on feet
    • Deep breaths (Inhale 4 – Exhale 8)

    During or after these exercises, you may find yourself yawning, burping, swallowing, or sneezing, these are signs that your body is releasing stress. You can continue these activities until the stress response subsides. Initially, it may take about 5 minutes. Eventually, 1–2 minutes will be enough.

    Over time, with regular practice, your body may start releasing accumulated stress on its own, even without these exercises.

    Engaging Pre-Frontal Cortex

    Moreover, any activity that requires voluntary facial movement like intentionally touching your face, puffing your cheeks, or touching your eyebrows, engages the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for logical thinking and decision-making.

    When we are agitated or highly emotional, the prefrontal cortex tends to disengage, which is why we may act irrationally in those moments. Engaging in intentional facial movements can help reactivate the prefrontal cortex, enabling us to calm down and make more rational decisions in the moment.

    Removal of toxins from body

    Now, let’s discuss our first approach to regulating the nervous system which is removal of toxins from the body.

    This primarily involves the movement of lymph.

    Anything that our body experiences and expresses is communicated through chemicals produced in the body. The feeling of happiness, for example, is linked to a specific neurotransmitter. The same goes for every other emotion. 

    Once the job of that chemical is done, it becomes a waste product or toxin that needs to be removed, just like we take out the trash from our homes daily. Usually it is done automatically by the body, but when the amount of stress is high and chronic, the body needs a little help.

    Apart from blood, the body has another essential fluid called lymph, which is managed through the lymphatic system. This system acts as the body’s drainage mechanism, collecting excess fluids, proteins, and waste products from tissues and returning them to the bloodstream.

    During stress, the body produces more waste and inflammatory molecules. The lymphatic system helps remove these, preventing fluid buildup and promoting well-being. 

    Specifically, lymphatic drainage massage can promote relaxation, reduce muscle tension, improve sleep, and boost immunity. It also helps reduce inflammation and cortisol levels by inducing relaxation. Therefore, toxin removal becomes crucial during long-term, high-stress situations.

    You might wonder why doesn’t lymph move automatically, like blood pumped by the heart?

    Because the lymphatic system doesn’t have a pump. It relies on movement and gravity to reach the desired points where it mixes with blood.

    Chronic stress and prolonged inactivity impair the lymph vessels, which hinders detoxification.

    Activities to remove toxins from body

    1. Inversions, gravity, and lymphatic drainage massage

    Children and active individuals have lower levels of stress-related diseases because regular body movement helps lymph flow and reduces inflammation.

    Lymph nodes are located in the neck, armpits, abdomen, and groin, making inverted postures and targeted massage important for stimulating lymph flow.

    Inversions also improve circulation by aiding venous blood flow from the pelvis to the heart, which sends it to the lungs for oxygenation. This improves oxygen intake and supports slower, deeper breathing.

    2. Body massage

    Touch and massage stimulate the vagus nerve, promoting relaxation. Massage also relieves muscle tension. Facial massage supports lymph movement and reduces bloating.

    3. Tapping/Body Shaking

    Tapping on joints, chest, shoulders, or lymph-node-rich areas helps lymph movement and stress release.

    Other approaches that support a calm mind:

    1. Exposure to cold temperature

    a. Cold represses the sympathetic nervous system and activates the parasympathetic system.

    b. It constricts blood vessels, followed by vasodilation, improving circulation and reducing inflammation.

    c. It increases dopamine, enhancing mood.

    d. It may reduce allergic reactions by lowering histamine production, which is heightened in high-stress bodies.

    Ways to expose the body to cold:

    • Cold baths, especially in the morning.
    • Cold rinses before bed, which cool the body, promote hygiene, and aid relaxation.
    • Bringing down temperature of the room when preparing to sleep
    • Splashing cold water on the face or sipping cold water when angry, which activates the parasympathetic system and clears the mind.
    • Holding or rubbing an ice pack on the face, neck, or shoulders, helps calm intense emotions quickly.

    2. Keeping your surroundings clean / Decluttering / Minimalism

    An anxious mind, especially a traumatized or dysregulated nervous system (e.g., postpartum moms, people with chronic illness or mental health issues), scans the environment for threats.

    A clutter-free, organized space is easier to scan and feels safer. Cultural conditioning also associates tidy spaces with better living standards. Thus, clutter can make people feel like they’re failing at life.

    That’s why spiritual places are often minimalistic and non-stimulating.

    3. Animals

    Animals aren’t stressed by the same situations as humans (e.g., job stress, breakups), making them great co-regulators.

    Since birth, our brains seek a calm nervous system to sync with. As adults, we still need calming partners. Dogs, cows, and other animals are known for this. Caring for a pet also provides a sense of purpose, especially helpful during depressive phases.

    4. Exercise/Lymph movement

    Lymph mixes with blood near the shoulders and arms. Moving these areas helps with drainage.

    Exercise also burns extra energy, regulates insulin, releases endorphins, improves sleep, and boosts energy.

    However, the type of exercise matters. Fast-paced workouts may worsen anxiety. In such cases, slow, intentional movements like a calm walk are more soothing. People with chronic mental health issues should ideally work with trauma-informed trainers.

    5. Healthy food

    A balanced diet is essential during stress. The body needs complex carbs and healthy fats (like omega-3s) to regulate stress responses.

    Protein provides amino acids, the building blocks of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine. Vitamins C, D, and the B-complex group support immunity and mental health. They are terrific anti-oxidants.

    Probiotics and fermented foods help because gut bacteria influence neurotransmitter production. Imbalances in gut bacteria are linked to inflammation, mood disorders, and cognitive challenges.

    The gut also helps regulate cortisol. An unhealthy microbiome can disrupt this, raising stress levels.

    As under chronic stress, these nutrients would be depleted at a much faster rate than stress free times, it is essential to recuperate the body to come back to its natural calm state.

    Nutrient deficiency can worsen the chronic stress situation.

    6. Handwork

    Creative manual activities like painting, writing, chopping/cooking, knitting, crocheting, crafting, or pottery can calm the mind. Minimal machinery and hands-on work help you stay present.

    7. Other helpful tools:

    • Physical sports
    • Dancing/Yoga
    • Time with friends and family
    • Travel to serene, low-pollution places with lots of nature
    • Playing musical instruments (non-app based)
    • Physical touch like hugging, holding hands with people who you are close to

    8. Talking/Venting

    It is imperative to talk regularly to someone who believes you. Someone who can validate your experience. Even if they don’t have a solution, simply feeling understood by another person has a deeply calming effect.

    Having someone who sees that you’re hurting and responds with empathy can motivate you to heal and help you feel supported during difficult times.

    That’s why therapy can be so helpful for improving mental health. A trained practitioner can validate your experience and also guide you toward healing.

    In case a friend or therapist isn’t available, talking to a language model like ChatGPT can temporarily help calm your mind by offering a listening ear and reflective advice.

    9.Journaling

    Handwritten journaling offers many benefits. It not only helps with venting, clearing thoughts, and understanding your emotions, but the very act of writing also engages your senses, deepening the healing process.

    10. Community, purpose, charity, spirituality, gratitude

    A strong community of trustworthy people, a purpose to wake up for, and a long-term life vision greatly impact well-being.

    Even a modest, non-material goal can be motivating. Reading, being in a good company, volunteering, and traveling all add perspective and gratitude. Role models or beloved people (even animals or causes) can inspire us to keep going.

    Acts of kindness, helping others with no expectations, boost self-worth and positivity. They remind us that we matter.

    Sometimes people with mental health issues feel they have no value or that the world revolves entirely around them. Humble service can restore balance. It teaches us that we’re valuable, even if others don’t affirm it.

    Humility fosters joy and appreciation for life.

    In my view, true mental health requires engagement with philosophy, spirituality, and human psychology. You don’t need to go deep, but occasionally reflecting on life’s purpose and human behavior can offer powerful healing insights.

    Religion can offer a sense of community and purpose. Even for the non-religious, aligning with a cause bigger than oneself can bring deep meaning.

    In conclusion:

    Caring for your mental and physical health is worth the effort, it helps you live a more peaceful, fulfilling life.

    These practices are not substitutes for professional medical treatment, therapy, or medication. Not every method suits everyone. These ideas are based on personal experience and research; I’m not a licensed practitioner.

    They are simple, daily habits that support nervous system regulation and can complement other treatments, especially for stress-related lifestyle disorders.

    Always consult an expert before trying anything new, especially if you’re unsure. Let these tools inspire your own research. There’s plenty of expert-backed content available online and in books for further reading.

    Happy Living!!

  • The Roles We Play-The People We Forget

    She stood in the kitchen, not because she loved to cook, but because being a wife meant she had to. He fixed the pipe, not because he was good at it, but because being a man meant he had to. 

    Beneath their roles, they were just tired people longing to be seen.

    Why do we choose to live as roles instead of just us? 

    Roles that we inherit due to our birth, that are assigned to us or based on what we want to be in a personal relationship, where we come from, our gender , and even our caste or race.

    We don’t just inherit roles, we crave love through them. As a child, we wish our parents would see us beyond performance. As adults, we carry that wish into marriage, friendships, and families. But instead of intimacy, roles offer scripts.

    Because it seems as though we’ve forgotten that beneath these roles, there’s a human being trying to make sense of the world, struggling to keep up with expectations and standards that are not their own, but set by others.

    One instance of our prejudice about roles is menial work. Blue-collar work is not respected as much in India because people are seen for the work they do, not for the human they are. 

    We fail to recognize the privileges we have and how they shape the way we interact with others in a society.

    The emotional burden of performance

    One of the things growing up I have always resented is how easily anybody is insulted when they are not doing the job intended for them as per the standard set by the society, beyond the salary or money involved, but sometimes including that too.

    We are reduced to tasks, roles, and duties, based on time, tradition, culture, location, and gender and are judged by how well we fulfill the expected roles, and this judgment is constant. 

    There’s no room for understanding the complexities of a person’s life or the struggles they face. 

    Instead, we’ve built a system where anyone can become a judge, offering critiques and shame without empathy. 

    The masks we wear

    It’s almost as if every person is a machine, expected to perform at the same level of efficiency and productivity without deviation, without room for humanity. 

    I wonder who said ‘we are all born unique’!

    And when someone doesn’t meet these expectations, it’s easy for society to point the finger. 

    But when those same judges are asked to look inward and examine their own flaws, the room falls silent. 

    Bubbles in my head

    These accountability questions lead to a cycle of shame, hurt, and dejection in the heart of the person who was busy judging others but never tried to take a look inside. 

    People feel as though they’re never good enough, that they’re failing at a role something they never even chose to play. 

    They seek acceptance, to be seen beyond their roles. They want someone to tell them it’s okay to not be perfect. 

    They want someone to tell them not to be so harsh to themselves. But more often than not, society offers no space for such grace.

    Despite this core desire of being accepted for who they are without being shamed for their perceived inefficiencies, the hurt and imperfect people cover this shame, and dejection because yes, maybe they are “so weak and inefficient’, because that’s how deep the conditioning is.

    Or they would turn these complex feelings into anger, that nobody is willing to help them or understand them yet are willing to judge them.

    So they build a chasm, or they become a doormat.

    They are willing to be treated like the worst person as their punishment, or they are willing to wear the strongest emotional armour so that nobody and nothing, no warmth and love, can pass through it.

    The fixation on structure v/s desire to flow

    This brings me to a bigger question: Why do we care so much about roles? 

    Why is it that our relationships, our entire way of living, is based on these predetermined expectations? 

    Is it a trust issue? Do we believe that if we don’t define everything, love and care won’t flow naturally? 

    Why do we prioritize tradition over genuine expressions of love, even when it suffocates us? 

    Why do we feel trapped by expectations from people who may not even love us?

    Unless there is some psychological reasoning behind it, for example, parents have to take care of the young ones because young ones are dependent on adults, hence they can’t worry about the child’s expression of love towards them, there is no room for discussion on why we have to continue to keep living up those roles which feel more like a burden.

    Putting my thinking cap on

    Shouldn’t expectations from the role we play in our relationships as adults should be on the basis of how the person is, rather than pre writing, pre-ordaining it?

    Because it puts the onus on the person themself, whether they want to be in that role or not, instead of society thrusting their traditions on them. There is a greater accountability in their behavior, should they choose to be in a certain role/relationship.

    For example, in modern married couples, both partners work. Why should gender roles still define who does the housework and who works outside?

    Why can’t the husband cook because he’s better at it, or the wife handle the finances because she’s better at it? 

    Haven’t we progressed enough to have a mature discussion with our partners and parents about how we would like to lead our life?

    Why do we still need religion and tradition to tell us if we are falling short of our own responsibilities, or what living a healthy relationship should look like?

    What exactly is missing?

    Is it education? Or is it critical thinking? Is it the belief that humans don’t or can’t change?

    Maybe some people should be left alone because they don’t want to take any responsibility. Society has to expect not everyone is born to build a family.

    The rigged system- Role inequality in marriage & family

    This also leads to another dilemma, why should everybody have the same set of roles and responsibilities to live up to, against their will?

    For instance, why should people be forced to marry if they are really not interested in sharing that ideology with anyone? What for them marriage should be just a label and they still live their life like when they were unmarried, without any burden? 

    Why should every couple marry, if they are happily making it work without a label? Why should monogamy be the norm for a couple if the couple is okay with polygamy or open relationships, or many other new formats out there? 

    Why should every person grow up with this notion that they will get a partner despite making zero efforts in becoming a good match? 

    Why should every couple think about becoming a parent just because society expects them to? 

    Why can’t friends raise a family together, and still date outside?

    Why should only the husband have to worry about finances and a house, why raising kids should be a concern for the mother only? Why is birthing the only way to become a parent? 

    Why aren’t people with pets acknowledged as a family?

    Why do people inherently think they will automatically have the right to their parents’ property or partner’s hard work, despite being an abuser to them? 

    Why should society decide how adult children take care of their parents? Why only daughters leave their house after marriage, why not the couple choose where they would like to live and how to take care of each other’s family? 

    Why is adoption looked down upon, even if the couple is able to conceive? Why adopt only neurotypical children? Why parents aren’t encouraged to adopt disabled or neurodivergent or special children?

    Why should a couple be told how many kids they should birth and what their gender should be? Why can’t a mother choose whether she wishes to work or not after having children or whether she wants to halt her career for raising kids? 

    When would it end?

    When a man and woman get married, the woman is expected to know cooking, house chores, and caretaking of elderly and children by default. It is never considered whether she is even interested in cooking, or caretaking or how skilled she is. 

    She is expected to cook and do house work like a professional, whereas for the same work there are professional degrees out there and men are at the helm of all these fields. 

    Men get the medals for performing best at these jobs which are basically domestic work for a woman, but a woman is never appreciated for the similar hard work she puts in to make a house, a family work.

    It’s said she’s born to be a slave (read wife and a mother) and shouldn’t complain.

    The husband has to know how saving works, and bring home the maximum amount of salary and financial freedom without understanding whether he is skilled to do that.

    He should do the heavy physical work of the house, be the alpha, and be aggressive. He also should be ready to fire a punch when required, and has to be the engineer, plumber, carpenter and mechanic of the house. 

    He has to put his personal goals aside, to meet the family goals always. A man’s life is about providing, he can’t dream of pursuing anything for his soul while taking care of his family.

    He can’t ask his wife to take care of the finances, should he feel not strong or inclined enough.

    The man is ridiculed for being soft and emotional and if pursues art as a hobby. He is made fun of if talks about emotions and self care.

    His identity is defined by the hours he spends at work, and the money he brings in. He would be shamed if he is dependent on his wife financially or if she earns more than him.

    A man is not a human being, but money making machine and free of cost handy-man for life.

    He also has to be on his masculine side always and if as a husband is warm to his wife and as a father is caring for his children, then he is made fun of like he is being too soft to be called a man. 

    Men can’t be feminist, else according to the society they’d lose their masculinity. Men can’t be non violent too, because that means they are just weak.

    If a husband chooses to earn less or looks less physically appealing than her wife, like shorter height, then society keeps reminding the couple how the wife is at the losing end.

    In the same breath, if the wife is less pretty, is not good at housework, tends to fight for her rights, has a voice and is a feminist (as they say it), then she is continuously reminded she is not the ideal partner her husband should get. 

    The best wife is a submissive kind who has no rights and voice of her own.

    When the wife expects financial support from the husband apart from the house expenditure, then she is ridiculed that she is supposed to sacrifice and made to feel like a burden and a money waster. 

    Whereas a husband can bring any number of guests to cater to and the wife should be ready to put up with a smile at any time of the day because of what the role demands.

    But the husband can say no to any demand in the name of only earner hence decision maker of the house, even after being aware that wife has no other avenue and time to earn money.

    Men are made the alpha, with only the criteria of money, without assesing how well they are taking care of their family.

    A wife is only custodian of the money that her husband earns, she can’t ask for an allowance, in fact she has to think before asking, else she will be ridiculed for being a spent thrift and called greedy. She is expected to never save and can be asked for her assets or jewellery to be sold at any point, without her consent. 

    This has already created dual pressure on women these days, to be a perfect homemaker and excellent at office work too. She can’t think of not earning, because whenever she will need money, she’d be made to feel like a beggar.

    This is the female empowerment, to save oneself from the insult. Instead of teaching men their responsibility and healthy mindset about it, women have to figure it out themselves.

    Women have to overperform to be heard, to be safe, to be respected. Not because they are weak, but because the system was never built to protect them, only to contain them. 

    Also, only a man’s work is valued because it is economically productive yet on the other side, the man is not supposed to enjoy any family bliss and has to spend his days only providing for family. 

    The number of hours and the hard work both the partners are putting in to make the family work are not accounted for equitably.

    Sometimes, I actually wonder is patriarchy even beneficial to men? Wouldn’t feminism actually empower them ?

    The cycle of pain goes on

    Parents have to be always on the providing end and children take no responsibility as adults, especially if parents are not able to.

    Parents are unwilling to adjust and change their lifestyles as per their adult children’s capacity, leading to tension between both the generations. 

    ‘It was your job to raise us’, that’s what parents get to hear. Or ‘we did so much for you, yet you complain’, told by parents to their children.

    These are the normal discourse between adult children and parents, where no side is willing to take any accountability of their behavior and how they could be hurting one another.

    All these scenarios, just indicate one side sacrificing their heart and body out and other reaping benefits of the love the other person is pouring, without any accountability.

    What starts as a tired sigh in the kitchen or a quiet resentment at work soon reveals a larger pattern. These aren’t personal failures. They’re systemic expectations. And they shape every household, every marriage, every mind.

    Disadvantages of preset roles and responsibilities

    People take advantage of the system, and repent despite falling short of that role. 

    For example in a lot of family disputes, adults who are not even properly taking care of their old parents, harass them for money and property. 

    In many marriages, one partner exploits the other in the name of the traditional role set by the society. A husband who doesn’t contribute financially still expects his wife to do all the housework with grace and might even push her for earning.

    A wife who is not interested in taking care of her side of duties, makes a big deal when her husband doesn’t support her financially.

    Men expecting dowry and women dragging and blackmailing men in the name of women’s rights to get alimony is the new trend.

    Societal rigidity vs personal choice

    All of these issues, according to me, could be resolved, if people just accepted their shortcomings and had an honest conversation about what they want from that relationship. 

    It shouldn’t be about this is how things have been done till now but more about this is what i’m able to offer, and is the other one agreeing to accept that.

    I am my own enemy

    The problem is people associating their behavior with their role, instead of assessing their own actions, they tend to maintain a report card of every other person.

    It seems, we are completely driven by ego, not by love. 

    We just don’t want to be blamed, yet in that process if we lose peace and happiness, then that’s okay.

    People tend to have a fair idea about where the other person is falling short and why they need to be ridiculed for being inefficient.

    But if you truly ask them, “why do you think the other person is inefficient?”, they have some brazen responses which include shaming people, calling them lazy, selfish, manipulative, and cruel.

    And if you ask them why they themselves are falling short in their own role, then they’d give you a laundry list of reasons, which eventually means, cut them some slack and not bother with judgment, have some pity on them.

    The abyss within

    All in all, the discussions are always futile because you can never reach a consensus point with someone who is unwilling to have a real discussion about themselves and those who are unwilling to extend grace to others.

    This always makes me wonder why there are such major trust issues in all of our relationships.

    And then I observe, during their childhood, none of these people were extended any grace or honesty or space to be themselves.

    So today, they struggle to name their feelings and emotions.

    They are scared of those big feelings, which stop them from performing their ideal tasks.

    They have learnt to cut corners and manipulate emotions to always have the upper hand in that toxic relationship.

    Instead of fixing the issues, they feel ashamed of discussing how they are struggling in some area of their life.

    They struggle and scoff at asking for help because since childhood the message was: you are weak if you are feeling sad and hurt, you are weak if you need a shoulder to cry on.

    They shame those who try to seek help and fix their relationships. Their answer to everything is ‘just drop this and move on’ or ‘who cares if anybody is hurting, as long as we are happy’.

    We have absolutely no awareness about what emotional stability, and processing is.

    We only care about emotional resilience, which should be automatic to every human being, which today, research has clearly stated, is a skill taught by parents.

    There’s light at the end of this tunnel

    So I will extend the grace, despite being disappointed that people don’t try to fix their relationships.

    I will pity them because they haven’t understood there is a better way to live out there.

    The least we can do as a society is to believe people are trying really hard and they still need to be celebrated. 

    We can motivate them to be something more, but never shame them for who they are, vehemently trying to achieve, yet failing in the eyes of society.

    In the USA, when homeless people were given a home like normal people for six months with no questions asked, they were able to integrate back into society more easily, because it was easy for them to feel normal. They didn’t feel they were homeless.

    I guess the same thinking we need here.

    We need to tell people that you are loved despite your shortcomings, but they have to stop hurting people in the name of a role.

    A hope for future

    There is a need to understand what we are supposed to be as humans: just nice and kind people who don’t treat others like doormats. 

    We also need to understand when it’s a privilege to be born in a certain way be it gender or caste or physical appearance or to find oneself in a certain role, without much effort, enjoying its benefits.

    And not to ridicule others who are trying their best despite all odds, trying to earn the role that you easily received without being grateful about it.

    At this point of civilization, with so much knowledge and experience and the pain of pandemics, natural disasters and wars and looming dangers of climate change, let’s try to find the value of human life as is, without the fear that we are here to hurt each other, rather to be loved by one another.

    Additional thoughts to munch on

    Professionally, all good organizations give a long grace period for people to try. And since it’s a corporation, it will ask you to let go if after some time you are not meeting the job requirements. 

    But it does give you a training period or even before firing, a chance to up your skill, to try to live up to the role you chose to take. Some organizations give a chance to change departments, should a person feel a lack of interest or want to hone their skills in a different way. 

    In any case, a good company tries to keep you on, with constant dialogue.

    But should we, or could we, do that in personal relationships?

    Divorce is already an official example of people not meeting their roles.

    But what about other blood relationships?

    Since we already have had many conversations on toxic relationships and chucking them, can we have a conversation on how to make relationships work?

    Can we try not to push people away?

    In professional and political spaces, a description of roles is necessary, else how will one assess the performance. Yet many times human angle wins and despite shortcomings, people are appreciated without even achieving their goals.

    But in personal relationships, we have to meet people for what they are, not the job or the role that is described.

    These days dual income families are promoted, and even when the wife is taking care of house responsibilities alone. Even if only the husband’s salary can suffice for the house, the wife is pushed to work without understanding the pressure of such life on the whole family.

    All this leads to reduced familial happiness and a lot of physical and mental health issues, but there is no interest in sitting down and understanding how our trends are affecting the daily lives of millions of people badly.

    Moving beyond the personal sphere of relationships, caste and race have devised professional roles, and it is a given in Indian society for certain castes to do some particular tasks.

    They are never seen for the risks they take or the hard work they put in, rather are always expected to do the difficult work with 200% dedication without complaining about pay. 

    In fact, for them the way for coming out of this caste and gender based loop of work is paved with obstacles and judgements.

    When it comes to gender, despite high quality and hard work, females have to constantly justify for a stable job and pay.

    They are discriminated against for promotion because of reasons like menstruation, pregnancy, child-rearing , which I have discussed in my other essay on Life After Becoming a Mother.

    Also one of the factors of any healthy society is the awareness of privilege. The privilege that is being enjoyed by the privileged class is not considered a privilege by the same people, it’s their birthright.

    And the hardships whoever is facing in the name of gender, caste, financial status is their punishment.

    They can’t complain, they can’t make a noise, lest they be pushed into ‘whataboutery’ and the cycle of bare minimum benefits.

    So with the new found awareness, it is imperative we reassess how we manage our relationships, because clearly older ways are not working, neither professionally nor personally.

  • Write Your Own Myth

    Storytelling Isn’t Just for Children

    Storytelling is an underrated art, often dismissed as mere entertainment or something reserved for teaching kids values. But have you ever noticed how we adults still use storytelling to guide our lives?

    Every Conversation Is a Story

    The gossip we indulge in, the content we engage with on social media, the way we talk about people, places, and ideas, our tone, expressions, and framing, all of it becomes a story.

    It reveals who we are: our likes, dislikes, philosophies, spiritual leanings, and passions.

    Even the person who sells you groceries starts forming a story about who you are, based on the narratives you live and tell.

    The Stories We Tell Shape Our Society

    But it doesn’t stop at revealing who we are. The stories we share, whether publicly or privately, shape the worldviews of those listening, consciously or subconsciously.

    A simple chat in a park or restaurant about a social issue gives passersby a glimpse into the kind of world their peers are helping create.

    When One Narrative Dominates

    When you hear only one kind of story, it leads to one kind of messaging. What you hear often becomes the path you follow, especially if you’re cut off from other perspectives.

    Without exposure to diverse cultures and experiences, we may never realize that different problems have different solutions, shaped by entirely different mindsets and traditions.

    The Hidden Influence of Popular Stories

    This shapes society in subtle but powerful ways.

    Stories influence:

    How we raise children

    Where and how they study

    How far people move

    How marriages happen

    What caste or religion is “acceptable”

    How beauty is defined

    How we treat our partners

    What jobs are considered respectable

    How old people should live

    What we expect from the government

    They shape our moral compass, set thresholds for outrage, and influence how we express dissent.

    Stories tell us whether we should only care for ourselves or for our neighbor, too.

    They don’t just shape our happiness, they define how much abuse is “acceptable.”

    If the common narrative is about enduring suffering, speaking up becomes difficult unless your pain meets a certain threshold.

    The Tone of a Story Matters

    The impact of a story depends on its tone and delivery. Stories which are shared as obvious norms to be followed, quickly become the trend of the contemporary society. They are depicted as norms followed by the wise, rich and powerful of the society, so shouldn’t be questioned by common man.

    Some stories are amplified through loudspeakers, repeated on social media, organically or through paid campaigns, aimed at normalizing certain ideas or instilling fear.

    Others are spread quietly. These may be the stories that challenge the status quo, initiate cultural shifts, or simply deserve to be heard.

    Stories worth attention

    Maybe it’s the ones rooted in kindness, peace, and truth. The ones that don’t center power and ego but instead prioritize community, harmony, and creating space for everyone to thrive.

    Who Gets to Be Heard?

    If stories shape us so deeply, it’s worth asking: who gets to tell them? And who gets listened to?

    Ironically, popular stories often glorify conformity. They celebrate tradition, patriarchy, and dogmatism, while we simultaneously idolize past rebels who didn’t conform.

    History celebrates the antiheroes of their time, while the present vilifies today’s rebels.

    So, why don’t we listen to the rebels of today? Why are they being shunned? Aren’t they the ones trying to wake us up from the Matrix?

    If human and moral values are the mountaintop we aspire to, why are stories of violence, division, power struggles, and abuse interest us the most?

    Stories from Childhood

    If we look back, our ancient stories, even those about gods, often ask us to break norms in the name of compassion. Give up ego. Fight for those who can’t fight for themselves.

    Sometimes, even show kindness to the enemy.

    They teach us to choose right over wrong. And when faced with right vs. kind? Choose kind.

    But they also warn us: don’t be kind at the cost of yourself. Don’t tolerate abuse in the name of goodness either.

    These stories remind us: the power lies within us.

    To write our story, even if no one is listening.

    Are Our Stories Making Us More Humane?

    So we need to ask: are the stories we’re choosing to believe making us kinder and more humane or simply repeating the traditional values of our ancestors, too scared or scary to question?

    The Discrimination of Stories

    Some people only want to hear one kind of story. They believe that denying all other perspectives makes their version more real. To them, their story is the absolute truth.

    But stories asking for change are often judged by who tells them.

    Is the storyteller “respectable”? Is the storyteller part of my social group? Are they acceptable by my peers?
    Does their story fit my comfort zone?

    If not, I won’t listen, because listening may require me to change. And change is uncomfortable.

    The Story of Me

    Stories have power. They touch our subconscious. They make us feel, even when we try not to. And those feelings demand reflection.

    What if you hear a story from someone you don’t like, and it moves you? What if it makes you empathize?

    That’s terrifying for some. It blurs the lines between good and bad, us and them.

    We grew up with stories that never asked us to change. We were told to follow them, like characters who never questioned the script. Our beliefs were handed to us. And because we didn’t choose them, questioning them now feels like betrayal.

    After all, we’re not gods or rebels, we’re “good people.” Raised not to be uncomfortable in the society that molded us.

    So we deny the uncomfortable stories. We pretend they don’t exist. We don’t share them, no matter how powerful, because we fear being rejected. Or we fear feeling like hypocrites.

    The story might force us to reassess our beliefs. And that’s hard.

    What if we lose our place in our social circle?
    What if we become the villain in someone else’s story?

    What If the Story of Rejection Becomes Our Story?
    What if they twist our truth and cast us as the demon?

    What if we’re not allowed to share our side of the truth?

    What if our children or descendants are humiliated because we dared to speak up?

    Leap of Faith

    But what if I believe in storytellers beyond my peers? What if stories transcend timelines?

    What I am depends on the audience ,good or bad, right or wrong, rebel or revolutionary.

    Maybe I should trust the audience once. Trust their ability to hold space for my truth. Maybe they’re also tired of the same old stories, waiting for a new one.

    A story where the protagonist dares to try a different ending.

    What if you let go of fear and let destiny decide whether you’re remembered as a hero or a villain?

    What if the world, if not today, then someday, uses your story to awaken others?

    Aren’t we all standing on the shoulders of those who dared to write a different story?

    Final Word

    Maybe all that matters is giving your full self to at least one story, one where you are unapologetically you.

    Think you’re not worthy of a story?

    God may have written your destiny, but gave you the free will to shape its course.

    If you weren’t worthy, why would nature bother keeping you alive?

    The very fact that you’re here, reading this, means you have the power to change how your story ends.

    The choice was always yours.

    Maybe I’m the hero, the villain, the antihero, or even a silent spectator, in different stories.

    But I owe it to myself to be the true protagonist in at least one.

    The one that’s mine.

  • Know Thyself, Love Thyself

    While I often believe that childhood surroundings play a decisive role in shaping who we become, I also see many who turn out completely different from what their environment might suggest.

    A strictly traditional family may raise a free-spirited son, an atheist household could nurture a deeply religious individual, and a family bound by societal norms might have a rebellious child.

    Is it genetics? Is it Freud? Questions worth exploring.

    While understanding why we are the way we are is important, the more essential task is accepting who we are. Until we truly understand ourselves, a process that takes years, we can’t begin to grow or build a better life.

    After all, how can you fix a machine without first diagnosing the issue?

    But self-awareness isn’t just about finding flaws; it’s also about learning to love ourselves. Just as we fall deeper in love with someone as we notice and appreciate their little quirks, the more we come to know ourselves, the more considerate and compassionate we become toward our own being.

    The world tells us to love others, but that love must first begin with ourselves. When we understand our true nature, we can treat ourselves with care and make the necessary adjustments to lead a more fulfilling life.

    Is that something to feel guilty about? Absolutely not. Self-love is the foundation for growth and connection. By embracing who we are, we not only improve our own lives but also enhance our ability to love and support others, helping us become better human beings.

  • Ant- The Teacher

    Once upon a time there was a boy named ray. Ray was a very inquisitive boy who always wanted to learn something new.

    Ray’s father was a small time mechanic in the local garage and he did not earn so much that he could keep up with Ray’s learning needs.

    One day Ray was really upset, feeling neglected that his family could not provide him with all of his wishes and needs. While he was complaining to god about all this, he saw a bunch of ants trying to lift a big sugar cube. What he saw inspired him for his life.

    Next day he ran an idea with his close group of friends. That’s how Ray’s Rental started. They started to rent their own toys and books and other things at a nominal price, which kids of their age would require and couldn’t afford to buy otherwise. This way not one person had to endure the burden of the whole thing, just like ants where a group helped to carry the cube not just one ant.

    Not only sharing your burden financially or emotionally helps ease one’s life but also it builds a thriving community where everyone is aware of each other’s needs and every one of the members of the community do their part to make everyone happy.