Author: Neha Sharma

  • How to Make and Maintain Lifelong Friendships- A Millenial’s Guide

    Friendships are one of life’s greatest joys, but they don’t just happen—they require effort, understanding, and care. Here’s a detailed guide to making and maintaining healthy, close friendships, based on what I’ve learned over the years.

    Making New Friends

    Start with Shared Interests

    When you find someone you’d like to be friends with, connect with them on social media or platforms where you can share similar interests. If you meet regularly (like at work or college or gym), take every chance to hang out. Observe their likes and dislikes, but avoid intruding into their personal space. Speak less, observe more. This helps you understand them better without overwhelming them.

    Stay Connected

    Add them to messaging apps like WhatsApp to keep in touch regularly. Start with casual conversations about the common interests that brought you together. If they seem interested, slowly suggest meeting up. For example, if you both love coffee or playing similar sports, then you could suggest meeting up for those common activities.

    Take It Slow

    Don’t push for meetings too soon. Let it happen naturally, especially if it’s a workplace friendship. Avoid one-on-one meetings until you’re comfortable with each other’s silence. Remember, friendship is about ease. If you’re not sure, stick to group hangouts initially.

    Be Patient

    Aim to meet at least once every two months initially, but don’t take it personally if responses are sporadic. People have busy lives, and it takes time to understand whether someone is introverted or extroverted. Give them the benefit of doubt.

    Maintain Self-Respect

    Keep a bit of self respect/restraint initially to avoid coming off as clingy. Let the friendship develop naturally without forcing it. For example, if they cancel plans, don’t immediately reschedule—wait for them to suggest another time. Sometimes it may take months for you to meet your friend, thats how adult life is. But as long as you are connected and regularly in touch, it is positive sign that friendship is mutual.

    Validate and Appreciate

    Praise your friend often. Let them know you see and hear them. Remember their likes, dislikes, and the little details they share with you. Thank them for the good times you’ve had together. Be kind—sometimes, friends can show a level of kindness even family can’t.

    Here are some gestures to show you care:

    If they’re struggling with their health, show up with fruits or something thoughtful.

    Offer to help with small tasks, like picking up something they need or running an errand.

    Listen without judgment when they vent or share their struggles.

    Celebrate their wins, no matter how small—send a congratulatory text or treat them to coffee.

    Avoid financial entanglements early on, as they can complicate the friendship.

    The key is to make them feel valued and appreciated without overstepping boundaries. Small, thoughtful actions go a long way in building trust and closeness.

    Align Values

    Understand their value system and see if it aligns with yours. Discuss/notice political or moral differences early on to gauge how much divergence you can handle. For example, if they have strong opinions on a topic you disagree with, ask yourself if it’s something you can respect or if it’s a dealbreaker.

    Maintaining the Friendship

    Remember Important Dates

    Set reminders for birthdays and other significant events if you tend to forget. Small gestures like a thoughtful message or a surprise call can make their day.

    Get Involved in Their Life

    Ask about their daily struggles, family, and work. Offer help when you can, even if it’s just checking in to see if they’re okay. Share your own experiences and ensure the friendship isn’t one-sided. For example, if they mention their mom is unwell, ask about her the next time you talk. But also notice how much they remember stuff about your life in general. Do they check up on you when you or your loved ones are stuggling? Do they try to understand what bothers you and if they are willing to support you in any capacity during that time. This ensures balance in friendship.

    Stay in Touch Regularly

    Meet at least once every 2-4 months, and have monthly phone /text/video catch-ups. Keep the conversation continuous by asking about ongoing issues or updates. Validate their feelings and avoid preaching unless they ask for advice especially about work or relationships. Usually people have a notion that giving unsolicited advice is the mark of a good friend. But when it’s done early on when the trust is not very much built, it seems like intrusion. So one should be really cautious while offering advice on matters which you think are critical for the person like physical or mental health, work, relationships and family. 

    Show Appreciation

    Even if you don’t talk often, send texts once in a while to remind them how much you value their friendship. Compliment the time you’ve spent together and express how much you miss hanging out. For example, you might be crossing one of the cafes they like, and you can text them how fun your last meeting was and you would love to catch up again at their favorite cafe. 

    Let Go of Ego

    At this stage, you can initiate calls and meet-ups without overthinking. Just ensure the effort feels reciprocated. If you’re always the one reaching out, it’s okay to gently bring it up and see if they’re willing to put in more effort.

    Plan Visits

    If you’re in different cities, make it a point to meet when you’re in their town or vice versa. Prioritize seeing each other. For example, if you’re visiting their city, let them know in advance so you can plan a meet-up.

    Involve Families

    Start meeting each other’s families. Let your name become a household name in their life, and invite them into yours. Slowly become a part of each other’s worlds. For example, invite them to family dinners or celebrations.

    Solidifying the Friendship

    Become Family

    At this stage, you’re more than friends—you’re family. Even if you don’t talk for months, you’re still each other’s go-to person. There’s no ego, just love and trust.

    Be There for Each Other

    Help with tasks they’d usually ask family to do—taking them to the hospital, helping with groceries, or caring for their pets, kids, or plants. But only do what you’re comfortable with. For example, if they’re moving, offer to help pack or bring snacks for the team. Never promise something out of your comfort zone, but also sometimes you do have to step out of your comfort zone if your friend is struggling. It’s a fine balance between being a helpful friend and taking care of yourself in the process.

    Be Transparent

    If you ever criticize them in front of others, make sure it’s something you’d say to their face too. Honesty and transparency are key. For example, if you joke about their habits in a group, make sure they’re okay with it. Shaming your friend is never a sign of intimacy. But a fun banter which you know your friend will be okay with is always a good idea. Humor is what keeps the friendship stronger.

    Stay Connected Across Distances

    If they live abroad, meet at least once a year or whenever you’re in the same country. Give each other undivided attention during these meetings. For example, plan a weekend getaway or spend a whole day catching up. Make sure you both make efforts to see each other.

    Integrate into Each Other’s Lives

    Become a part of their family and vice versa. Their siblings, spouse, and parents should feel comfortable contacting you directly. You should be invited to family events, and your name should hold significance in their household. For example, their mom might call you to check on them if they’re traveling or if they are going through something, their family and loved ones know they can call you about it.

    Things to remember

    Remember at any moment you can’t stop being your authentic self. It’s one thing to make an effort as a friend to help your friend in need, but it’s another level of maturity to retain your true self and identity. This way friendship is never a burden and you remain predictable, reliable and trustworthy as a friend. Any friendship is only as strong as the promises that are kept, be it said or unsaid. 

    Make sure you don’t go too haywire with the unsaid expectations of your friendship, at the same time if you feel something is going on, share. If you feel something is going on with your friend, ask. But give a lot of time and chances to each other, sometimes years to understand what is going on. It takes a lot of effort to maintain any relationship, because it’s worth it, so be patient while deciding if you want to be friends with someone or if you want to leave a friendship too. 

    Friends build a place in our hearts and leaving them might create a hole which is not easily healed. Adult friendships are as important as building a concrete house. They are meant to last forever only then you can truly rejoice the bliss they bring with them but don’t drag a heavy weight that drains you too. I hope you will find a friend who is like a cozy home to you.

    (Based on My Lived Experience)

  • Shared DNA-blessing, burden or both?

    The Joy of Shared Traits

    There’s something magical about seeing families together. It’s such an underrated feeling, the way similar people with similar traits create a sense of connection. The same noses, the same eyes, the same cheeks or eyebrows.

    Even the way they walk or the shape of their fingers, it’s like nature is showing off, saying, “Look how clever I am.”

    I’m an obsessive pattern-seeker. I have to find connections everywhere. I’m very good at remembering people, their faces, their nuances, their quirky stories. It’s like I have a mini profile page for everyone I’ve ever met, and with little effort, I can pull it up anytime I want.

    Every time I see a family together, I get this fuzzy feeling. I rejoice in this small wonder that nature has created. The beautiful sharing of DNA, the way traits are passed down, it’s a quiet miracle.

    The Burden of Resemblance

    But not everyone finds joy in resemblance.

    Some people don’t like looking at their own face because it reminds them of someone who hurt them in the past. Imagine your face being your own burden.

    You might think you’re not aesthetically pleasing, but the truth is simpler: you haven’t healed yet. You haven’t been able to move on.

    Resemblance can be a double-edged sword. It connects us to those we love, but it can also bind us to those who’ve caused us pain.

    The same hands that bring comfort in one person can bring heartache in another.

    It’s a strange, heavy thing, to carry someone else’s traits when they’ve left scars on your heart.

    The Ephemerality of Time

    The ephemerality of time is real. Time is too short to not be spent with your loved ones, yet sometimes it feels unbearably long when you haven’t been able to reconcile with them. Or maybe life’s winds have carried you far from home, leaving you longing for the connections you once had.

    And then, one day, you see someone, your cousin, your sibling, your uncle, or your aunt. There they are, with the same body language, the same voice, the same wrinkles that you saw on your mother’s face. The same laughter, the same hands. For a moment, you’re back with the person you’ve lost. Your cold heart warms up again.

    You don’t feel so lost, even if it’s just for a little while.

    Maybe you keep coming back to these moments because that’s all that’s left.

    God is kind. He takes a lot, but sometimes He leaves a lot to carry on too.

    Finding Comfort in Patterns

    In the end, resemblance is both a gift and a challenge. It connects us to our roots, to the people who came before us and the ones who will come after. It’s a reminder that we’re never truly alone, even when we feel lost.

    But it’s also a call to heal, to untangle the emotions tied to our reflections and find peace with who we are.

    So, the next time you see a family together, take a moment to appreciate the wonder of resemblance. Notice the shared traits, the mirrored gestures, the quiet connections.

    And if you catch your own reflection in the mirror, remember:

    you’re not just a ripple in someone else’s story,

    you’re the center of your own.

  • The Toxicity of “At Least” Culture

    The culture of being grateful is slowly being replaced, or rather overshadowed, by a subculture of “at least,” which often fails to meet even the bare minimum of human decency, especially in the highly toxic societies we inhabit today.

    To put this into perspective, when we’re struggling, we naturally want to find positivity in life. So, we start looking for good things, in situations, in people, in the small moments that give us hope.

    Gratitude, in this sense, becomes an internal journey. It helps us rise above mere survival and feel worthy of the blessings in our lives, many of which others might only dream of.

    But when we shift to relationships, especially toxic ones, whether at the community or family level, this genuine gratitude is often weaponized. It gets sugarcoated, distorted, and replaced with the word “at least.”

    This phrase is then used to invalidate the feelings of the struggling person, turning their pain and longing for love into something trivial.

    Instead of addressing the root of the issue, “at least” becomes a way to silence, minimize, and dismiss.

    For instance, when someone in a toxic relationship expresses dissatisfaction or emotional neglect, they might be met with phrases like, “At least they don’t hit you,” or “At least they provide for you.” These statements diminish the person’s needs, invalidate their love languages, and imply that they should be content with crumbs when they deserve the whole loaf.

    This is not to deny that there are exceptions, some individuals might truly be narcissistic or overly self-centered, always fixated on their own needs.

    However, in most cases, the “at least” culture reflects a systemic failure to acknowledge the emotional and physical well-being of those who depend on us.

    The problem with “at least” is that it often doesn’t even meet the bare minimum. It excuses underperformance, justifies neglect, and absolves responsibility.

    By using “at least” as a defense, the burden of improvement is shifted from the person who should be accountable to the one already suffering. It sends the message that striving to do better isn’t necessary, as long as one does the absolute least to avoid outright condemnation.

    This toxic mindset isn’t limited to interpersonal relationships, it’s deeply ingrained in societal structures. When those in positions of power underperform or fail to fulfill their duties, toxic societies quickly defend them with arguments like, “At least they’re doing something.”

    This rhetoric not only undermines accountability but also perpetuates a culture of mediocrity, where improvement becomes an afterthought rather than a priority.

    The damage of “at least” lies in its ability to stifle growth and diminish the potential for positive change. It creates an environment where people settle for less, stop striving to be their best, and feel justified in placing their burdens on others.

    It normalizes complacency and discourages meaningful efforts to be better, whether as partners, leaders, or even human beings.

    To move beyond the toxicity of “at least,” we must reimagine what gratitude means. True gratitude is about appreciating the good in our lives while recognizing areas for growth and improvement. It’s about valuing others’ efforts while holding them accountable for the roles they play in our lives.

    It’s about finding balance, celebrating what’s good without tolerating what’s harmful.

    Instead of settling for the lowest benchmarks, we must strive for a culture where everyone feels valued and respected. We must cultivate environments that encourage people to be their best selves, not through shame or pressure, but through mutual respect and empathy.

    When we stop using “at least” as a justification for mediocrity, we open the door to healthier relationships, better leadership, and stronger communities.

    The key is to challenge complacency and embrace a mindset of continuous growth. By expecting more from ourselves and others, we can foster a society where genuine effort and accountability are the norms, not exceptions.

    Conclusion
    The culture of “at least” must be replaced by a culture of improvement, empathy, and mutual respect.

    Gratitude and accountability can coexist, one doesn’t have to come at the expense of the other. When we embrace this balance, we move closer to building a world where every individual can thrive, not by lowering our expectations, but by continually raising them for the greater good of all.

  • Not So Free Will

    I have always felt agitated at the thought of being bound by limits. Being tied down circumstantially made me realize something: I am now doing things that I wouldn’t have done if I were not forced to. I do these things, as the rebel I am, because I have not been given the freedom to choose. This made me wonder—do we, or at least those of us who view humans as independent rather than co-dependent beings, simply crave free will?

    As thinkers, our ultimate aim seems to be freedom. Not freedom that comes at the cost of others’ rights, but a freedom where we are unbothered and unburdened by unnecessary interference. Yet, I began to question: why has living within limits become the hallmark of a civil society? Why does society insist that humans need to be trained or tamed? We are told that without rules, society would collapse and human life would spiral into chaos. But is that really true?

    Certain experiments, like the infamous Stanford Prison Experiment, suggest that given free will, people can quickly devolve into violent or immoral behavior. These studies show how easily we adapt to roles without much thought. However, I wonder about the validity of these conclusions. The Stanford experiment may have been serious in intent, but how representative was its sample? A small group of people in a controlled environment cannot reflect the complexity of all humanity. Perhaps the setup itself was flawed.

    Are humans, then, like animals that require training? Even if that’s the case, can humans truly become “inhuman” under normal conditions? Just as an herbivore doesn’t suddenly become a carnivore overnight, can we say humans would abandon their morals and humanity if left unchecked?If humans aren’t inherently inhuman, why do we need so many rules about how to live? Isn’t it true that people often perform their best when given freedom and no pressure? Or are we saying that humans are fundamentally lazy, incapable of functioning without deadlines?

    This brings me to another question: is this why we believe in God? Do we need a higher authority because we are born slaves, or are we trained to feel like slaves? What are we, really? Are we naturally free beings, or are we conditioned to seek control and structure?

    These questions challenge the fundamental assumptions about human nature, free will, and societal norms. Are rules a necessity for order, or have we simply accepted them as a crutch because we fear chaos? Does the existence of structure mean we lack the ability to self-govern? And ultimately, does our belief in freedom stem from an innate desire to live authentically, or is it a rebellion against the chains we’ve been conditioned to accept?

  • The Paradox of Spontaneity

    Now and then, I meet people who mirror a part of me. Like me, they are adrift, navigating life without a clear destination. We belong to a group that doesn’t dream in blueprints or grand visions. We’re not marathon runners with meticulously mapped-out strategies for success. Instead, we’re 100-meter sprinters, racing toward the nearest goal—a carrot dangling just out of reach—while being tethered to reins we can’t even see.

    Older generations often seem eager to guide the youth—or perhaps they’re searching for guidance themselves through these conversations. They ask us, “What’s your goal? Do you know where your life is headed? Do you have a roadmap?” It’s ironic, though. Many of them neglect their own health, skip their medications and healthy habits, and act as though they can regain control of life whenever they choose. They ridicule younger generations for living a reckless and unplanned life, all while stumbling through life in much the same way.

    Do humans ever truly grow wiser with age, or do we simply shift our blind spots?

    Taking a step back, I wonder: Is it really so bad not to have everything figured out? If it is, then why do we celebrate spontaneity in certain contexts? We buy books, attend workshops, and read blogs promising to reignite our spark—in life, in our careers, and even in our relationships. Yet outside of those contexts, spontaneity is so often dismissed.

    In a career, spontaneity is labeled as randomness or recklessness—unless it leads to success. Then it’s rebranded as “risk-taking.” In love, spontaneity might be celebrated as playfulness or condemned as instability and deceit. In daily life, it’s often seen as a sign of madness. And in fashion? If you’re a trendsetter, your choices are revolutionary. If you’re not, it’s just bad taste.

    We seem obsessed with contradicting ourselves. The books we read aren’t meant to translate directly into real life. We don’t actually want to be our ideal selves; we just want to dream about what we could become. Why? Is it fear of failure? Or is it the vulnerability of exposing who we really are?

    Maybe the real question is this: Are we ready to show up as we are—to live unapologetically, embracing our passions and desires without fear of judgment? Or will we remain tethered to expectations, dreaming of freedom while clinging to the reins?

    The answer, I suppose, lies in whether we’re willing to stand metaphorically naked before the world, shedding the layers of what we’re supposed to be and finally becoming who we are.

  • Are You Ignoring the Silent Killer of Your Peace and Health?

    It’s high time we started talking about our difficult emotions—those that scare us, unsettle us, and weigh us down. Anxiety, for instance, can be crippling. Yet instead of burying it deep within, it’s crucial to acknowledge and express it, allowing it to escape from our system. When we suppress negative emotions like anger, stress, or fear for too long, our nervous system begins to operate on autopilot. The body enters a state of defense, pulling us further away from our true selves. In such conditions, we often feel like nothing more than a spinning top—lost, directionless, and vulnerable.

    Whether it’s anxiety, fear, or anger, every emotion needs to be labelled and validated. Suppressing these feelings, sometimes so deeply that they sink into our subconscious, can have dire consequences. Research now strongly indicates that chronically suppressing stressful emotions is a significant factor in the development of long-term illnesses. Studies on chronic illnesses consistently point to stress as one of the major contributors to lifestyle diseases.

    Yet, as a society, we cling to the belief that denying our emotions—even to ourselves—will somehow make them disappear. This toxic mindset, deeply ingrained in our collective behavior, encourages people to ignore their struggles. Occasionally, brushing aside difficult emotions might work if you have a healthy nervous system and robust coping mechanisms. But repeatedly doing so puts immense pressure on the nervous system. It’s not a case of “fake it till you make it”—because one day, your body might no longer cope, and it will collapse in ways you least expect.

    When emotions are suppressed, the body responds through mechanisms known as freeze, fawn, fight, or flight. These responses often build hidden traumas—space trauma, financial trauma, scarcity trauma, and more—that lie dormant until triggered. Over time, this constant state of defense becomes habitual for the nervous system. Triggers that remain unacknowledged or unlabeled wreak havoc when they resurface, disrupting our lives unexpectedly. Gradually, these triggers begin to define us, embedding themselves into our personalities. However, the truth is that triggers are controllable—with consistent practice, support, and professional help.

    The need of the hour is to recognize and embrace the concept of a healthy nervous system. It’s equally important to know when to seek help and to stop shaming those who do. Mental stress should be treated with the same urgency and seriousness as physical stress, for which we often seek immediate medical attention. Recognizing the problem is, in fact, half the solution.

    Here’s hoping society realizes that the brain and body—or mind and body—are not separate entities. Both need care, attention, and balance to lead a truly healthy and happy life.

  • Mental aur Physical Health: Dono Ke Liye Emotional Awareness Zaroori Hai”

    हमें अपनी मुश्किल फीलिंग्स के बारे में बात करने की ज़रूरत है, जैसे कि हमें  kis baat ka डर लगता है, kis baat ki chinta hai। Anxiety बहुत ज़्यादा crippling हो सकती है, लेकिन इसे दबाने के बजाय बात करना ज़रूरी है ताकि इसे system से बाहर निकाला जा सके। अगर हम अपनी negative emotions जैसे गुस्सा, stress और डर को बहुत लंबे समय तक छुपाकर रखें, तो हमारा nervous system auto-pilot पर चलने लगता है। Body defence mode में चली जाती है और हम खुद से दूर होने लगते हैं। सबसे stressful situations में हम एक घूमती हुई लट्टू की तरह हो जाते हैं, jo apne behavior ko control nahi kar sakta aur apne se pareshan ticking bomb ban jata hai।

    चाहे हम anxiety feel कर रहे हों, डर या गुस्सा, इन emotions को label करना ज़रूरी है। इन्हें acknowledge करना ज़रूरी है। इन्हें दबाना नहीं चाहिए, क्योंकि अगर हम इन्हें बहुत गहरा दबा दें, तो ये subconscious का हिस्सा बन जाते हैं। Chronic stressful emotions को दबाने से long-term बीमारियां हो सकती हैं, जैसे कि latest research कहती है। Long-term research यह बताती है कि chronic illnesses का एक major reason stress है। 

    हम सोचते हैं कि जो चीज़ हम खुद से भी deny कर रहे हैं, वो खत्म हो जाएगी। यह एक toxic societal thinking है। हां, कभी-कभी एक healthy nervous system और coping mechanisms के साथ, difficult emotions को side करना चल सकता है। लेकिन अगर हम बार-बार ऐसा करें, तो nervous system पर pressure बनने लगता है। यह literally fake it till you make it वाला approach नहीं है, क्योंकि एक दिन आपका body इसे बर्दाश्त नहीं करेगा, और अपने तरीके से collapse कर जाएगा। 

    जब हम difficult emotions को दबाते हैं, तो body के response में freeze, fawn, fight और flight जैसे reactions होते हैं। यह और भी ज़्यादा traumas बनाते हैं, जैसे space trauma, financial trauma, scarcity trauma,emotional trauma आदि। Nervous system के लिए यह एक आदत बन जाता है हमेशा defensive होने का। चाहे हम इन triggers को label न करें, यह फिर भी हमारे nervous system को कभी भी impact कर सकते हैं। धीरे-धीरे, यह triggers हमें define करने लगते हैं, और हमारी personality का हिस्सा बन जाते हैं। लेकिन असल में, हमारे triggers controllable हैं – practice और मदद के साथ। अब ज़रूरत यह है कि हम समझें और accept करें कि healthy nervous system क्या होता है। कब मदद लेनी चाहिए, और जो मदद लेते हैं उन्हें shame नहीं करना चाहिए। Mental stress को भी physical stress की तरह treat करना चाहिए, जिसके लिए हम तुरंत medical attention लेते हैं। Problem को पहचानना उसका 50% solution है। यह उम्मीद है कि society समझे कि brain और body या mind और body दो अलग चीज़ें नहीं हैं। दोनों को healthy रहना ज़रूरी है एक healthy और happy ज़िंदगी जीने के लिए।

  • The Search Of A Soulmate

    Lately, I’ve started to believe that our search for a soulmate isn’t a quest for answers—it’s a quest for shared questions.

    For centuries, we’ve idealized the notion of a soulmate as “the answer to all my questions.” Love songs, poetry, and stories tell us that we were born incomplete, carrying questions only our beloved could answer. But what if we’ve misunderstood this narrative? What if the answers have always been there—offered by our friends, our family, or even life itself? What if the essence of a soulmate lies not in answers, but in the questions they ask?

    Friends, after all, satisfy our curiosity. They give us answers, clarity, and a sense of grounding. That’s why friendships endure; they fill gaps in our understanding. A soulmate, however, is different. They are not the ones who settle your uncertainties—they are the ones who mirror them. They ask the same questions that keep you awake at night.

    This idea might feel unsettling, especially in a world where love is marketed as a solution. We’re taught to seek compatibility through shared goals, values, and intellectual pursuits. We’re told to look for someone who “completes us” or “makes us better.” But what if the true purpose of a soulmate is to stand beside us, equally lost, equally searching?

    It’s not the answers that bind us, but the shared journey of questioning. To feel truly connected to another is to see your own confusion reflected in their eyes and to find comfort in that mutual uncertainty. The idea of “completion” becomes irrelevant because the bond isn’t about fixing; it’s about exploring.

    This is why relationships often falter when one partner “finds the answer.” The balance shifts. Suddenly, the partnership feels unequal—one leads while the other lags behind. In such moments, the relationship risks becoming an uncomfortable hierarchy, rather than the safe haven it once was.

    A soulmate isn’t a wise teacher sent to enlighten you. They’re not the long-awaited guru with a roadmap to your life. They are, instead, your fellow wanderer—the same goofy, clueless last-bencher who doesn’t have all the answers either. Together, you stumble through life, laughing, tripping, and asking questions that may never have answers.

    The real question, then, isn’t “Who is my soulmate?” but rather, “What are my questions?” Have you sat with your doubts long enough to understand them? Have you figured out what you’re truly searching for? Because only when you understand your own questions can you recognize the ones who share them.

    A soulmate isn’t a destination. They’re not an endpoint to your search. They are a companion who joins you on the journey, walking beside you through the uncharted terrain of life’s mysteries. And maybe, just maybe, the beauty lies in the questions themselves, not the answers we once thought we needed.

  • The fallacy of attempts

    How often have we longed for that spark of motivation? That voice from the sky, a tiny heartbeat in our ears urging us to take the first step?

    For many of us, this yearning is all too familiar, a moment suspended between desire and inaction, waiting for something, or someone, to nudge us forward.

    As a chronic procrastinator, sometimes for serious reasons, sometimes not, I’ve always been fascinated by what drives people to take action.

    What makes some of us leap forward while others remain paralyzed, endlessly circling the starting line?

    The Movers and Their Mysteries

    Some people seem to glide through life as if they’re on a giant slide, propelled by some invisible force.

    Call it discipline, ambition, routine, or perhaps an external push imposed by others. Whatever it is, this internal fire, their ability to take that crucial first step, is enviable.

    But what fuels them?

    Is it the anxiety of falling behind?

    The thrill of belonging to something greater?

    Validation from society, family, or themselves?

    Perhaps it’s faith in a higher power, an idol, or a purpose beyond comprehension.

    Their motivations might spring from the darkest corners of revenge and jealousy or from the purest emotions of love and self-fulfillment.

    For some, the drive comes from parental expectations; for others, it’s the inability to sit still.

    To one, life means constant striving; to another, it’s about leaving a legacy in this fleeting existence.

    For some,it is just about being human which means ‘to do’. 

    The Strugglers Who Falter

    Then there are those who, no matter how inspired, can’t seem to sustain the momentum. They stumble—either before or after the first attempt—always falling short of motivation.

    They may have a long list of reasons, but the bottom line remains: when things get tough, they crumble.

    For some, life deals an unfair hand, unrelenting challenges that make success, as defined by society, seem unattainable. Their priorities might lie in caring for family, while the world measures success in wealth.

    For them, moving slowly is essential to their version of fulfillment, even as the world glorifies the endless chase.

    These two kinds of people, those who sprint forward and those who hold back, are, perhaps, just two sides of the same coin.

    Their grit may be the same, but their non-negotiables differ, shaped by personal circumstances, values, and priorities.

    Beyond the Surface: Motivation and Culture

    It’s not just about individual choice; cultures, societies, and communities deeply influence what we value and strive for.

    Historically, collective goals have been shaped by the needs of the time—whether survival, economic growth, or social order. These goals trickle down, shaping individual aspirations and defining what we deem “successful.”

    But as societies evolve, so too must these common goals. It’s time to move beyond shaming those who choose a different path. In communities where survival is no longer the pressing issue, individuals should be free to set their own definitions of success.

    For some, this might mean wealth or career achievements; for others, it might mean the simple joy of being alive, breathing, and existing without the need for constant striving.

    The Freedom to Be

    Perhaps the ultimate goal is not about doing or achieving, but about being.

    To embrace our personal journeys without fear of judgment, to honor our choices even when they don’t align with societal norms.

    After all, life’s true value isn’t measured by external benchmarks but by how authentically we live it.

    So, whether you’re driven by ambition, propelled by discipline, or simply savoring the bliss of being, know this:

    your path is yours alone.

    And that is enough.

  • Love Beyond Labels

    What is love, really? Is it admiration, desire, or something deeper we cannot define? Often, we confuse admiration with love. We fall for movie stars, teachers, idols, a popular senior at school or work or anyone we can look up to, mistaking the spark of admiration for the depth of love. It seems so natural to blend the two, but is it truly love, or just the awe of seeing something extraordinary in another person?

    Love takes countless forms, yet our minds often categorize it into two rigid boxes: sexual and non-sexual, platonic or amorous. When we love our friends for their warmth and support, it’s labeled as friendship. Ignoring homosexuality for a second, two girls sharing deep friendship are idolised as sisters and two boys in a very strong bond are called bromancing. But when affection grows too strong in the typical heterosexual eyes, the same possibly platonic friendship with opposite sex is suggested to be deep romantic unrealized love. Why are we in such a hurry to define and box every bond?

    Are we genetically programmed to seek closure? Perhaps uncertainty unsettles us. Living in the moment is uncomfortable when we don’t know where it’s heading. If we find happiness with more than one person, society brands the person as frivolous, a philanderer. If we focus on one person too much, we’re called obsessed. Why are we so desperate to label love, to control it, to make it fit into neat categories?

    How, then, can anyone be sure of themselves when it comes to love? At what point in life does clarity come? How many years must we live before we understand what love truly means?

    Look around, and you’ll see that after money, love is what we’re always chasing. But no single kind of love seems enough. We crave the unconditional love of parents and siblings, the camaraderie of friends, and the intimacy of romantic relationships. Yet, we also hope to find one person—a soulmate—who can fulfill all these needs. Does this mean we instinctively know love has many layers? Is it revealing that not all feelings labeled as love are the same?

    Love is called the greatest emotion, but why is it so entangled with want? Is wanting someone the same as loving them? Or is giving the true essence of love? When I see goodness in someone which nobody else can, making them a special person from just an ordinary person in my life, is that love? If I don’t particularly like someone but still can’t bear to let go of them, is that love—or moral responsibility? When did love, supposedly limitless, become confined by ethics and boundaries?

    Am I giving too much importance to love? Perhaps. But all I know is that I enjoy unraveling its mysteries. The questions it raises are as infinite as the emotion itself. Love remains the most beautiful, perplexing puzzle of all.